Is Constant Affirmation Really Love? (Questions & Answers Part 4)-এর সম্পূর্ণ প্রতিলিপি

look at the deeper meaning, to be irritable is to arouse anger or provoke or irritate, easily provoke or stir up. 00:05:46.079 --> 00:05:49.600 The resentful is a very interesting term in the original language. 00:05:49.680 --> 00:05:52.240 It actually means to take inventory. 00:05:52.319 --> 00:05:57.600 It's an accounting term in the Greco-Roman world, and it's a keeping a ledger of wrongs. 00:05:58.160 --> 00:06:07.040 And so love, love's not irritable, that's pretty straightforward and uh irritable or easily offended. 00:06:07.120 --> 00:06:09.680 Uh, the word of the day would be triggered. 00:06:09.759 --> 00:06:15.920 Uh, someone who's showing love in conversation, you know, has self-control and they're not triggered by what's being said. 00:06:16.240 --> 00:06:19.199 And uh the other thing is they don't hold grudges. 00:06:19.360 --> 00:06:36.399 You have conversations and you're challenged about things, or someone might question something you're saying or disagreeing, but you're not immediately writing them off and kind of putting them on a list of, oh, I don't listen to these people, or nothing they have to say is of value. 00:06:36.800 --> 00:06:38.000 It's a short record. 00:06:38.079 --> 00:06:40.240 You're not keeping a ledger of that. 00:06:40.480 --> 00:06:44.079 And so moving on to verse six now, let's unpack that a bit more. 00:06:44.319 --> 00:06:49.519 Love does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 00:06:50.079 --> 00:06:51.519 Super interesting here. 00:06:51.600 --> 00:06:58.959 In the original Greek, we see here in English it says rejoice twice, but there's there's actually two different Greek verbs. 00:06:59.120 --> 00:07:07.199 So the first one is the personal rejoicing, which is uh to rejoice or to be glad internally, personally. 00:07:07.360 --> 00:07:14.720 But the second, uh Paul uses a form of communal rejoicing, which is to rejoice with. 00:07:15.279 --> 00:07:21.199 It's corporate, uh, to corporately congratulate or to corporately celebrate. 00:07:21.439 --> 00:07:42.560 And so if we unpack that in regards to conversations and discussions and showing love and listening and uh and affirming is the big term right now, we refuse to gloat over wrongdoing, either wrong thoughts or behaviors, and we don't uh we don't celebrate those because they're very self-focused. 00:07:42.720 --> 00:07:54.879 They're self-focused pleasures and pursuits, which we talked a bit about last week with the identity message, pursuing personal pleasure and pursuits and passions. 00:07:55.680 --> 00:08:23.199 But we cling instead, we cling to what's true, that truth is a key part of life and of loving, that a loving person clings to truth, and a loving person is willing to give truth and honesty to someone, and that is community focused because the truth of scripture and the truth overall, being honest, that helps society overall. 00:08:23.680 --> 00:08:35.120 Alright, now let's widen the perspective back out to our cultural

moment right now, into society and the conversations we have, and this idea of showing love through affirmation. 00:08:35.279 --> 00:08:36.320 Is it really best? 00:08:36.639 --> 00:08:41.840 And based on the scriptural truth that Paul's talking about, how we interact with love, do they match? 00:08:42.000 --> 00:08:43.759 And what do they look like? 00:08:43.919 --> 00:08:45.840 And I want you to think about it in two ways. 00:08:46.000 --> 00:08:56.639 So the first way is like a doorway, and it's a doorway of affirmation and celebration of certain beliefs, values, and ideologies, and it's demanded upon entry. 00:08:56.960 --> 00:08:58.159 It's like gatekeeping. 00:08:58.240 --> 00:09:09.679 If you come to that door, there's um suspicion, and they're taking cues on uh what you agree with and don't agree with, what you affirm. 00:09:09.840 --> 00:09:13.039 And if you hit all the markers, you get into the room. 00:09:13.279 --> 00:09:17.600 And this is problematic in like both ends of the spectrum. 00:09:17.840 --> 00:09:20.559 The extreme left does this and the extreme right does this. 00:09:20.720 --> 00:09:29.759 This isn't a a it is a politically polarizing thing, but the gatekeeping happens in all avenues of culture. 00:09:30.480 --> 00:09:38.159 And the other idea that I want you to think about, instead of like a doorway, I would say Paul's describing a table. 00:09:38.320 --> 00:09:40.480 And and at a table, everyone's welcome. 00:09:40.559 --> 00:09:45.200 You have to get through the doorway, the entryway, you have to get through the living room, and you have to actually sit down at the table. 00:09:45.279 --> 00:09:51.759 A lot of times there's a meal there, and there's discussion, and there's challenges, and there's disagreements. 00:09:51.840 --> 00:09:54.320 There might even be debate over dinner. 00:09:54.720 --> 00:10:05.279 And there's an understanding at the table that there's still love there, there's still acceptance, but acceptance and love isn't dependent on agreement. 00:10:05.519 --> 00:10:17.360 And that's what's very, very different about the Christian ideal of love versus what the world is and the Western world is pitching right now. 00:10:17.759 --> 00:10:27.840 And simply stated, and what the data is going to show us is that love is found at a table conversation, not a doorway affirmation. 00:10:28.080 --> 00:10:33.120 Love is found at a table conversation, not at a doorway affirmation. 00:10:33.279 --> 00:10:39.279 And this is the idea I want you to keep in mind as we walk through some of the data and what we're seeing in our culture. 00:10:39.519 --> 00:10:40.080 All right? 00:10:40.399 --> 00:10:43.440 Because Paul connects love and truth. 00:10:43.600 --> 00:10:47.519 Remember, love rejoices in truth. 00:10:47.679 --> 00:10:49.519 They can't be separated. 00:10:49.759 --> 00:10:54.480 And we dealt with a couple weeks ago this idea of everyone's truth, right? 00:10:54.559 --> 00:10:55.600 That was the first week. 00:10:55.679 --> 00:10:59.679 And you can all have your own truth, but eventually there's going to be disagreement. 00:10:59.840 --> 00:11:04.240 There has to be one authority of truth, which is scripture, and love is interconnected with it. 00:11:04.399 --> 00:11:11.759 Okay, so but in our culture, if love and truth are together in the United, we have a problem or culture has a problem. 00:11:11.919 --> 00:11:15.279 Now let's look at how this works in conversation. 00:11:15.679 --> 00:11:25.600 So, uh, first, a major self-esteem research review commissioned by the Association of Psychological Science found some interesting results. 00:11:25.919 --> 00:11:41.200 Psychologist Roy Baumeister, along with colleagues from several universities, found that boosting self-esteem through constant praise, regardless of actual performance, does not reliably produce better outcomes. 00:11:41.519 --> 00:11:54.799 The same research found that narcissism, not self-esteem itself, was what predicted aggression, specifically when someone's self-image was directly challenged. 00:11:55.759 --> 00:12:06.799 What this means is constant affirmation or the demand for affirmation, regardless of life choices, it doesn't deliver what it promises. 00:12:07.440 --> 00:12:12.480 And you're just backing up a self-image that eventually gets dangerous. 00:12:12.879 --> 00:12:14.879 Let's keep looking at some data here. 00:12:15.039 --> 00:12:21.440 So a field experiment out of the University of Chicago and Carnegie Mellum put honesty to the test. 00:12:21.679 --> 00:12:26.639 Researchers assigned people to be completely honest in every conversation. 00:12:26.799 --> 00:12:29.519 That would be crazy in Canadian culture, by the way. 00:12:29.759 --> 00:12:36.080 So with every person in their life, every person in their life, for three straight days. 00:12:36.320 --> 00:12:43.200 Before starting, participants predicted it would be unpleasant and it would damage their relationships. 00:12:43.440 --> 00:12:49.679 And, you know, for a Canadian, that that would be a nervous thing for us. 00:12:50.000 --> 00:12:57.679 We don't readily speak our minds all the time, especially if we came across someone who we didn't really deeply trust. 00:12:58.240 --> 00:13:02.240 Either way, it didn't work out the way they thought it would. 00:13:02.720 --> 00:13:11.679 Being honest turned out to be more enjoyable, more socially connecting, and less relationally harmful than they expected. 00:13:11.919 --> 00:13:17.840 In a follow-up experiment, people gave honest negative feedback to someone close to them. 00:13:18.000 --> 00:13:20.159 And the same pattern held. 00:13:20.480 --> 00:13:32.159 The researchers' conclusion was that we consistently overestimate how badly others will react to our honesty. 00:13:32.559 --> 00:13:40.159 Which is crazy when we think about Paul's instruction and attaching love with truth. 00:13:40.480 --> 00:14:01.759 And all through Scripture, honesty, no matter what, honesty

given with grace, of course, we have to be kind, but telling the truth, not lying, not being deceptive, uh, not just being agreeable to be agreeable, not just affirming for the sake of it, but being honest, it doesn't cost as much as we fear it will. 00:14:02.080 --> 00:14:11.919 And there's actually some great respect, self-respect that's gained and respect with other people when you're graciously telling the truth. 00:14:12.159 --> 00:14:19.919 And when you're not demanded to just go with whatever is the line of the day or the line of the encampment. 00:14:20.480 --> 00:14:30.080 And so the takeaway of this is by constantly demanding affirmation, we're avoiding conversations that could actually help us. 00:14:30.559 --> 00:14:37.519 And so, again, coming back to the doorway in the table, the doorway promises safety, right? 00:14:37.679 --> 00:14:42.720 It promises that gatekeeping of your own people are in. 00:14:42.960 --> 00:14:47.120 And uh, you know, some groups would call it an ally, right? 00:14:47.440 --> 00:14:54.879 And so we're making sure that our allies are allowed in, and no one who's not an ally, you know, they we don't let them in. 00:14:55.759 --> 00:14:59.840 But it doesn't deliver authentic connection over the long haul. 00:15:00.159 --> 00:15:16.320 And the table feels very risky to sit at a table, to listen, to ask questions, to be challenged on ideas, to look at factual information, to look at data and research, to see what's really going on. 00:15:16.720 --> 00:15:19.200 It feels like it's gonna be terrible. 00:15:19.519 --> 00:15:21.679 It's so terrifying. 00:15:22.000 --> 00:15:34.159 But if you walk through it, in the end, it's a loving way to deal with people, it's a gracious way to deal with people, and it's actually a beneficial way to deal with people. 00:15:34.480 --> 00:15:39.600 And honesty and community are found, and honesty and community thrives. 00:15:40.000 --> 00:15:48.720 With all this in mind, we suddenly see how Paul's instruction on how we love, it makes a lot more sense. 00:15:49.039 --> 00:15:54.480 Choosing the selfless, truth-seeking way of life is better for us. 00:15:54.559 --> 00:15:56.960 It's better for each other, it's better for society. 00:15:57.440 --> 00:16:05.279 And so for us as Christians, if you have chosen to follow Jesus as I have, we need to be the front runners on this. 00:16:05.440 --> 00:16:10.799 We can't be Bible thumping people about it, they're not going to be convinced that way. 00:16:11.120 --> 00:16:29.440 But the connection we have, the joy we have, the peace we have, the self-respect and and and uh I guess inner peace that we have, it's found in Jesus because as we talked about last week, he's our identity, he's where we find that. 00:16:29.519 --> 00:16:32.000 And so we can speak honestly to people. 00:16:32.399 --> 00:16:35.200 And we can embrace hard conversations. 00:16:35.360 --> 00:16:45.840 Christians should be at the forefront of embracing hard conversations, and

we should be receiving, accepting of hard conversations and challenges. 00:16:46.159 --> 00:16:53.200 Because for us, love and truth are interconnected and they're good for us. 00:16:53.679 --> 00:17:15.920 And even if we think about the beginning of this series, if you remember, in in John 1, verse 14, John says this statement that Jesus is full of grace and truth, and that our pursuit of Jesus isn't just all about grace and love, and it's not all about truth and law. 00:17:16.720 --> 00:17:19.839 He's a fullness of grace and truth. 00:17:21.039 --> 00:17:24.480 Much like Paul's saying now, a fullness of love and truth. 00:17:24.720 --> 00:17:26.160 They go hand in hand. 00:17:26.880 --> 00:17:39.599 And we were talking about a table, and it's fitting that as we talked about creating these table conversations, um, it's fitting that we would end our time today with communion. 00:17:39.680 --> 00:17:41.119 That's what we're gonna do. 00:17:41.440 --> 00:17:49.359 And so at this moment, you can pause the video or audio if you would like to participate in communion together with us, wherever you're at. 00:17:49.519 --> 00:18:22.640 Maybe you're watching with people or listening with people, uh, grab some bread or crackers, wine or juice, and get the elements together, and uh then come back and we'll hit play again, and uh then we'll walk through the communion passage in Matthew 26, and we're gonna come to the table, which is the main thing in our theology as Christians and our whole belief system, our faith system that connects us. 00:18:22.960 --> 00:18:32.319 No matter where we are, no matter what denomination, country, language, all over the world, we take communion together and we share this in common. 00:18:32.960 --> 00:18:34.880 And so it seems fitting. 00:18:36.720 --> 00:18:49.759 Also because it resembles and remembers the greatest act of love that was ever done in all history when God sent his son Jesus, and Jesus willingly died on the cross to take our sin. 00:18:50.400 --> 00:18:57.440 And so we're gonna remember that now as we talk about what is love, what is really at the bottom of love, what's authentic true love? 00:18:57.599 --> 00:18:59.359 Well, it's sacrificial love. 00:18:59.759 --> 00:19:04.799 It's the most selfless thing that could have ever been done, and it's just it's through Jesus. 00:19:05.119 --> 00:19:06.319 It's him who did it. 00:19:06.880 --> 00:19:12.400 So gather the elements, come back, and let's remember Jesus' sacrifice together. 00:19:15.039 --> 00:19:16.000 Okay, welcome back. 00:19:16.160 --> 00:19:18.400 Hopefully you have your elements ready. 00:19:18.880 --> 00:19:25.839 The process for communion today is I am going to pray for the bread first. 00:19:26.400 --> 00:19:38.240 I'm gonna read Matthew 26, 26, outlining when Jesus and the disciples took the bread, and then we will take the bread together, and then I'll do the same process for the cup. 00:19:39.039 --> 00:19:44.000 So would you pray with me for

the bread that represents the body of Christ? 00:19:45.440 --> 00:19:48.640 Dear Father, I thank you for sending your son Jesus. 00:19:49.839 --> 00:19:55.440 I thank you that he took our sin upon the cross to be the ultimate sacrifice. 00:19:57.359 --> 00:20:04.480 Father, as we take this bread, we remember his body that was broken and beaten and nailed to the cross. 00:20:08.400 --> 00:20:16.240 And we take it in sorrow on one level and yet in thanksgiving on the other. 00:20:18.240 --> 00:20:21.839 And Jesus, we thank you for willingly going to the cross. 00:20:24.319 --> 00:20:29.920 And we take this bread and we remember in our mind's eye your body hung there. 00:20:32.480 --> 00:20:37.200 Taking the punishment, ultimately taking the wrath of God on our behalf. 00:20:41.039 --> 00:20:42.480 Bless this bread. 00:20:42.880 --> 00:20:44.880 In your name, Jesus, we pray. 00:20:45.200 --> 00:20:45.839 Amen. 00:20:48.640 --> 00:20:51.119 Matthew 26, verse 26. 00:20:52.559 --> 00:20:56.880 It says, now as they were eating, Jesus took bread. 00:20:57.119 --> 00:21:07.200 And after blessing it, he broke it and he gave it to his disciples and said, Hey, this is my blood. 00:21:18.000 --> 00:21:19.839 Now let's pray for the cup. 00:21:21.680 --> 00:21:28.720 Dear Father, we transition now to the cup, which represents the blood of your son Jesus. 00:21:30.000 --> 00:21:32.640 Poured out for the sins of the world. 00:21:33.279 --> 00:21:35.519 The atonement, the final atonement. 00:21:36.480 --> 00:21:38.160 The final sacrifice. 00:21:39.680 --> 00:21:42.400 We thank you for this cup and what it represents. 00:21:43.680 --> 00:21:48.000 Jesus, we thank you again for willingly shedding your blood for us. 00:21:50.079 --> 00:22:02.480 We thank of the wounds all over your body, your hands, your feet, the crown of thorns on your head, and eventually the wound in your side, and the blood that we shed. 00:22:05.599 --> 00:22:07.359 We thank you for the atonement. 00:22:08.640 --> 00:22:12.720 We thank you for your willingness to die for us and shed your blood. 00:22:16.079 --> 00:22:18.240 Bless this cup in Jesus' name. 00:22:18.799 --> 00:22:19.440 Amen. 00:22:21.759 --> 00:22:22.960 Verse 27. 00:22:23.920 --> 00:22:32.079 And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks, he gave it to them, saying, Drink of it, all of you. 00:22:32.720 --> 00:22:39.279 For this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. 00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:50.000 I tell you, I will not drink again of this fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father's kingdom. 00:22:54.960 --> 00:22:59.920 Alright, uh last but not least, let's talk about our discussion and prayer focus for this week. 00:23:00.160 --> 00:23:05.519 Gather around with the people that you're with right now, or you can drop a comment in the feed. 00:23:05.599 --> 00:23:12.720 And here is the question: How has affirmation-based love impacted your social circles? 00:23:13.039 --> 00:23:17.359 How has affirmation-based love impacted your social circles? 00:23:17.599 --> 00:23:28.400 We started with that idea of being in conversations where you have to agree with the person to be accepted or for them to love you or to show love. 00:23:28.559 --> 00:23:29.920 Have you faced any of that? 00:23:30.079 --> 00:23:30.960 Have you seen these? 00:23:31.039 --> 00:23:32.400 Have you been in these discussions? 00:23:32.559 --> 00:23:33.680 If you have, talk about it. 00:23:33.759 --> 00:23:34.319 What's it like? 00:23:34.400 --> 00:23:35.440 What's it feel like? 00:23:35.680 --> 00:23:38.000 And then spend some time in prayer together. 00:23:38.160 --> 00:23:45.039 Pray for the courage to pursue love and truth in your conversations this week. 00:23:45.359 --> 00:23:53.039 Hopefully longer, but pray for the courage to pursue love and truth, both of them in your conversations. 00:23:53.200 --> 00:23:58.960 Be loving, be gracious, and yet also that rejoice in the truth. 00:23:59.519 --> 00:24:01.200 Rejoice in honesty. 00:24:01.359 --> 00:24:09.200 And so let's do that this week or practice it this week, and may this be our life's journey that we always pursue love and truth.