ТРАНСКРИПЦИЯ 🔗
WEBVTT
00:01:40.054 --> 00:01:52.760
Today we're going to talk about something that's not clinical, it's not systems, it's definitely not marketing, but it's probably the most important leadership skill that you've never thought about and I know that is a bold claim, right, but I'm serious.
00:01:52.909 --> 00:02:06.419
If you want your practice to run smoother and you want better team culture, you want less drama, less resistance and more buy-in from your team, because, let's face it, buy-in from the team is what gets your systems from an idea to execution.
00:02:06.419 --> 00:02:09.750
So, if you want that, this is the lever that you need to pull.
00:02:09.750 --> 00:02:11.896
It's called validation.
00:02:11.896 --> 00:02:16.748
It is not praise, it is not problem solving, it is not agreement.
00:02:16.748 --> 00:02:19.435
We are not agreeing, we are validating.
00:02:19.435 --> 00:02:25.394
We are validating our team, we are validating our patients, and that is the part of leadership that I want to talk about today.
00:02:25.394 --> 00:02:30.463
And for those who don't know, I am Dr Paul Edgison.
00:02:30.463 --> 00:02:37.943
I'm the author of two books on dental practice management, a dental coach and the owner of a large five doctor practice in the South suburbs of Chicago.
00:02:37.943 --> 00:02:48.256
This is the Dental Practice Heroes podcast, and we're here to teach you how to create a practice that is team-driven, so you can stress less and make more and, while you're at it, practice less days.
00:02:48.256 --> 00:02:50.557
So thank you so much for listening today.
00:02:50.557 --> 00:02:51.379
I really appreciate it.
00:02:51.379 --> 00:02:53.050
Let's get into it Now.
00:02:53.131 --> 00:02:54.855
I'm going to share a tale with you.
00:02:54.855 --> 00:02:56.761
As old as time.
00:02:56.761 --> 00:02:59.574
Have you ever had a conversation with your spouse?
00:02:59.574 --> 00:03:12.359
I don't want to pick males or females, but it typically goes something like this is that a wife is telling their husband something and husband goes into problem solver mode and she just wanted him to listen.
00:03:12.359 --> 00:03:16.618
This has happened to me over and over again and I know this process.
00:03:16.618 --> 00:03:22.153
So the next time my wife comes to me and brings me something, I still go into problem solver mode.
00:03:22.153 --> 00:03:23.235
I can't help it.
00:03:23.235 --> 00:03:25.399
But you know what that means, right?
00:03:25.399 --> 00:03:27.222
They're just looking for validation.
00:03:27.282 --> 00:03:29.185
So let's talk about validation.
00:03:29.185 --> 00:03:30.872
What does that mean?
00:03:30.872 --> 00:03:35.875
It means that you're showing someone that you are there, you get it and you care about them.
00:03:35.875 --> 00:03:37.139
That's it.
00:03:37.139 --> 00:03:39.374
It's not praise Like praise with your team.
00:03:39.374 --> 00:03:41.956
That might be like hey, I really like how you handled that.
00:03:41.956 --> 00:03:48.171
That's a judgment.
00:03:48.171 --> 00:03:48.674
Validation is more like.
00:03:48.694 --> 00:03:51.066
I can see why that situation was tough, I can see why that bothered you, and it's definitely not problem solving.
00:03:51.066 --> 00:03:54.538
I mean, gosh, problem solving is you know what you should do next time or you know you should have done.
00:03:54.538 --> 00:03:56.051
We're shouldn't all over people.
00:03:56.051 --> 00:03:57.292
We don't need to do that.
00:03:57.292 --> 00:04:00.876
It's more like validation, saying, yeah, that's totally frustrating.
00:04:00.876 --> 00:04:05.361
I would feel the same way if I was in your position, and it's definitely not agreeing with people.
00:04:05.402 --> 00:04:09.646
There's a lot of people that say, well, how am I supposed to do this when I don't agree with the person?
00:04:09.646 --> 00:04:12.378
And the thing is is it's not agreeing with them?
00:04:12.378 --> 00:04:12.793
You're just.
00:04:12.793 --> 00:04:16.254
You can validate someone's feelings, even if you disagree with their opinion.
00:04:16.254 --> 00:04:25.859
You can say I understand why you would see it that way, I understand why you would feel that way, but it doesn't mean that you agree with the way they feel.
00:04:25.859 --> 00:04:37.016
All right, while it does, it says that you understand how they got there, they are heard, you see them, you care, you see how they arrived at that conclusion or whatever they're feeling, and that changes everything.
00:04:37.177 --> 00:04:37.739
Think about it.
00:04:37.739 --> 00:04:50.816
How often are we in situations where we really wish we could change someone's behavior, but we just go in there and we try to tell them what we want and we change it, instead of validating why they did what they did or validating where they're at.
00:04:50.816 --> 00:04:55.935
You know, we'd have a lot more success if we could just validate that and then ask for the behavior change.
00:04:55.935 --> 00:04:58.941
So why is this so powerful?
00:04:58.941 --> 00:05:00.403
Well, builds trust.
00:05:00.403 --> 00:05:01.917
It lowers defenses.
00:05:01.917 --> 00:05:05.010
You've heard me talk about psychological safety in the past.
00:05:05.010 --> 00:05:06.435
That is a big thing.
00:05:06.435 --> 00:05:08.099
It creates a safe space.
00:05:08.099 --> 00:05:14.730
It makes people feel like they can talk to you, they can share their feelings and that you will be understanding, no matter what happens.
00:05:14.730 --> 00:05:19.081
And when people feel safe, they're open to feedback and they're open to change.
00:05:19.081 --> 00:05:25.402
But if you don't validate them, they're going to close up, they're going to get defensive and they're going to throw their armor up.
00:05:25.402 --> 00:05:26.543
So think about your team.
00:05:26.543 --> 00:05:32.615
Think about those hard conversations that you sometimes avoid or those little conflicts that spiral out of control.
00:05:33.170
Load full transcript
--> 00:05:35.960
Validation is the way that you diffuse that stuff before it blows up.
00:05:35.960 --> 00:05:39.399
You've heard me talk in the past about how to deal with upset patients.
00:05:39.399 --> 00:05:41.476
The first step is empathize with them.
00:05:41.476 --> 00:05:44.812
Right, say, hey, I totally understand why you feel that way.
00:05:44.812 --> 00:05:46.317
I totally understand why you're frustrated.
00:05:46.317 --> 00:05:47.841
That is validation.
00:05:47.841 --> 00:05:49.835
That is the first step to diffusing a patient.
00:05:49.835 --> 00:05:52.701
It's also the first step to diffusing an upset team member.
00:05:52.701 --> 00:05:58.250
We want our team to feel safe and okay to bring us problems so that we know what's going on in our practices.
00:05:58.250 --> 00:06:04.935
Otherwise, we're just hiding from the problems and, honestly, it's not just for our team and it's not just for the patients, it's also for ourselves.
00:06:04.935 --> 00:06:06.637
We also need some validation.
00:06:06.637 --> 00:06:08.055
More on that in a little bit.
00:06:08.449 --> 00:06:11.735
So I want you to realize that validation drives change.
00:06:11.735 --> 00:06:13.141
Here's the part that people miss.
00:06:13.141 --> 00:06:16.665
Validation isn't just like I'm being nice to someone, I'm making them feel good.
00:06:16.665 --> 00:06:17.980
It's about change.
00:06:17.980 --> 00:06:20.322
People don't change because we tell them to.
00:06:20.322 --> 00:06:25.682
They change when they feel seen and when they feel understood, and neuroscience backs this up.
00:06:25.682 --> 00:06:28.182
Validation activates the reward centers in the brain.
00:06:28.182 --> 00:06:32.062
You know the same stuff that dopamine hit that lights up when we get food or money or sex.
00:06:32.062 --> 00:06:37.442
Or we win something that dopamine, so or we win something that dopamine, so when people feel validated, they get that dopamine hit.
00:06:37.442 --> 00:06:40.886
They're more open, they're more coachable, they're more willing to collaborate with you.
00:06:41.146 --> 00:06:44.771
So if you want a team that listens and a team that grows, start here.
00:06:44.771 --> 00:06:54.180
Look at situations that you've had with your team in the past and say man, was that a situation where I just went in with what I wanted or what they did wrong when I should have validated first?
00:06:54.180 --> 00:06:57.331
Think about that All when I should have validated first.
00:06:57.331 --> 00:06:57.932
Think about that.
00:06:57.932 --> 00:06:58.213
All right.
00:06:58.213 --> 00:06:58.735
How do we do it?
00:06:58.735 --> 00:07:13.122
Because I've coached enough dentists to know that they feel weird doing this which, by the way, if you are looking for coaching or you want to join our September mastermind, that will teach you how to have a leadership team, lead your team and get to a team driven practice where you have to do barely anything.
00:07:13.122 --> 00:07:16.021
We're doing that in our mastermind that kicks off in September.
00:07:16.021 --> 00:07:21.838
Go to dentalpracticeheroescom for more information on that.
00:07:21.838 --> 00:07:22.759
It will be transformational for your practice.
00:07:22.759 --> 00:07:23.281
All right, how do we do it?
00:07:23.302 --> 00:07:24.946
So we got to be mindful, right, be present.
00:07:24.946 --> 00:07:29.103
We need to listen and I want you to ask yourself why does this matter to the person?
00:07:29.103 --> 00:07:30.687
Why is this important?
00:07:30.687 --> 00:07:33.821
And you don't really say that out loud, you just want to get in that frame of mind.
00:07:33.821 --> 00:07:41.901
I'm looking for why this matters to this person and we're trying to find the logic in what they are saying.
00:07:41.901 --> 00:07:42.745
Now, remember, we're not agreeing with them.
00:07:42.745 --> 00:07:43.769
We're finding the logic in what they're saying.
00:07:43.769 --> 00:07:44.170
It's not your logic.
00:07:44.170 --> 00:07:45.677
We need to normalize their logic.
00:07:45.677 --> 00:07:48.845
Like, yeah, I totally understand why you would feel that way.
00:07:48.845 --> 00:07:51.336
Honestly, I would have reacted the same way in your shoes.
00:07:51.336 --> 00:07:53.500
It shows that you're not judging.
00:07:53.500 --> 00:07:54.401
You're human too.
00:07:54.401 --> 00:07:59.329
You're looking at it from their perspective and you can see how they arrived at the conclusion they arrived at.
00:07:59.329 --> 00:08:03.108
I totally understand your perspective Doesn't mean you agree with the perspective, right?
00:08:03.108 --> 00:08:04.975
Just means I understand your perspective.
00:08:04.975 --> 00:08:06.680
So you got to do it genuinely.
00:08:06.680 --> 00:08:08.987
People can smell that fakeness from a mile away.
00:08:08.987 --> 00:08:14.201
Really put yourself in those shoes, and I think this is one of those things that is really hard for us to do.
00:08:14.262 --> 00:08:17.966
Sometimes as dentists, we only see it from the perspective of the practice owner.
00:08:17.966 --> 00:08:19.108
You've heard me talk in the past.
00:08:19.108 --> 00:08:20.110
My wife is a hygienist.
00:08:20.110 --> 00:08:22.944
So before I was a dentist I was married to a hygienist.
00:08:22.944 --> 00:08:31.697
So I got to see the team perspective for a long time and I had a whole lot more respect for my wife's boss once I started owning my own practice.
00:08:31.697 --> 00:08:35.024
But the majority of our team doesn't ever even look at it that way.
00:08:35.024 --> 00:08:37.389
So we need to see it from their perspective.
00:08:37.576 --> 00:08:39.934
So what I want you to do is listen to what they're saying.
00:08:39.934 --> 00:08:43.745
You don't have to agree with them, but find the kernel of truth.
00:08:43.745 --> 00:08:46.697
Look at what's true, no matter what.
00:08:46.697 --> 00:08:51.622
If you don't agree with how they got there, the way they're feeling, whatever, you need to find
that truth.
00:08:51.622 --> 00:09:04.283
If you believed what they believed and you experienced what they experienced, could you possibly see that you would feel the same way and can you express that to that person.
00:09:04.283 --> 00:09:05.365
That's what we need to do.
00:09:05.365 --> 00:09:08.264
So next time you have a conversation with someone, try that out.
00:09:08.264 --> 00:09:09.779
Try giving that validation.
00:09:09.779 --> 00:09:10.864
See how it goes.
00:09:10.864 --> 00:09:12.480
And look leading people.
00:09:12.480 --> 00:09:14.470
It's not about being the smartest person in the room.
00:09:14.470 --> 00:09:17.024
It's about creating an environment where people can thrive.
00:09:17.024 --> 00:09:18.889
That's what we teach you in our coaching.
00:09:18.889 --> 00:09:20.757
That is what is the most effective.
00:09:20.757 --> 00:09:24.206
If I can teach you how to lead, I can teach you how to do anything at your practice.
00:09:24.206 --> 00:09:26.865
So that's part of every program that we have at Dental Practice Heroes.
00:09:27.106 --> 00:09:29.635
Validation is key to being a good leader.
00:09:29.635 --> 00:09:39.616
It lowers those walls, it builds the trust, it creates psychological safety, it opens people up to feedback and growth and change and collaboration.
00:09:39.616 --> 00:09:43.423
And yes, I said it earlier it works on yourself too.
00:09:43.423 --> 00:09:45.875
Try to not beat yourself up so much.
00:09:45.875 --> 00:09:49.324
When you tell yourself you're so stupid, you need to be better.
00:09:49.483 --> 00:09:50.286
That's shaming.
00:09:50.286 --> 00:09:51.637
That is shaming yourself.
00:09:51.637 --> 00:09:52.983
How has that been working for you?
00:09:52.983 --> 00:09:56.155
Does anybody get behavior change from anyone on their team?
00:09:56.155 --> 00:09:59.242
If they shame them, why do we expect that we can shame ourselves?
00:09:59.242 --> 00:10:01.668
Maybe we need to do some self-validation.
00:10:01.668 --> 00:10:02.757
Say you know what?
00:10:02.757 --> 00:10:04.682
Of course, I do feel overwhelmed.
00:10:04.682 --> 00:10:07.776
I'm handling a lot Instead of what I did for much of my career.
00:10:07.776 --> 00:10:08.937
I said quit being a P.
00:10:08.937 --> 00:10:10.459
Okay, quit being a P.
00:10:10.459 --> 00:10:11.600
Toughen up, suck it up.
00:10:11.600 --> 00:10:12.883
This is what you signed up for.
00:10:12.883 --> 00:10:15.846
Quit being a P no, that doesn't work and it doesn't help.
00:10:16.067 --> 00:10:17.108
Validate your feelings.
00:10:17.108 --> 00:10:20.633
You are human and you deserve to be acknowledged.
00:10:20.633 --> 00:10:21.553
Take away for today.
00:10:21.553 --> 00:10:24.642
You don't have to fix everyone's feelings, you just have to see them.
00:10:24.642 --> 00:10:32.158
I'll say it one more time you don't have to fix everyone's feelings, you just have to see them, and that will help you build the practice that people actually want to stay working in.
00:10:32.158 --> 00:10:34.142
So thank you so much for listening.
00:10:34.142 --> 00:10:35.023
Check out that mastermind.
00:10:35.023 --> 00:10:39.791
We're a little over half full, so talking to a lot of people, those spots are not going to be around for very much longer.
00:10:39.791 --> 00:10:44.267
Please join us this next year If you want to transform your practice and transform your life.
00:10:44.267 --> 00:10:45.740
We will help you do it All right.
00:10:45.740 --> 00:10:46.725
Thank you so much for listening.
00:10:46.725 --> 00:10:47.750
We'll talk to you next time.