النص الكامل لحلقة S04 EP8: Adam Buxton

00:03:31.629 not even heard of. You let him go, and you 83 00:03:31.650 --> 00:03:33.909 just kept, Frank, what are you doing? And then Harry 84 00:03:33.949 --> 00:03:35.629 Redknapp goes, I'm telling you now, he is going to 85 00:03:35.650 --> 00:03:37.560 go to the very, very top of this game. 86 00:03:37.590 --> 00:03:39.080 And they're going, oh, yeah, whatever, Harry. 87 00:03:39.099 --> 00:03:40.979 And it's such a great clip because Harry Redknapp is 88 00:03:41.000 --> 00:03:41.930 so spot on about him. 89 00:03:42.460 --> 00:03:44.860 Well, that's my moment. I don't know what this guy, 90 00:03:44.879 --> 00:03:46.099 I'm not going to say the name of this kid. 91 00:03:46.180 --> 00:03:47.180 No, but I'm sure he'll make it. 92 00:03:47.180 --> 00:03:49.099 No, but the odds are so against it, aren't they? 93 00:03:49.319 --> 00:03:50.259 Yeah, yeah, exactly. 94 00:03:50.439 --> 00:03:52.659 That's why I've sat my daughter down and said, you're 95 00:03:52.699 --> 00:03:54.099 not going to succeed at anything. 96 00:03:54.219 --> 00:03:55.719 I've still not taught my daughter to ride a bike. 97 00:03:55.759 --> 00:03:56.250 She's six. 98 00:03:56.259 --> 00:03:56.889 That's bad, isn't it? 99 00:03:57.439 --> 00:03:59.430 But kids don't ride bikes anymore. It's not like Stand 100 00:03:59.449 --> 00:04:00.409 By Me, is it, anymore? 101 00:04:00.629 --> 00:04:03.250 No, exactly. It's all about scooters these days. 102 00:04:03.289 --> 00:04:05.349 It's all about scooters these days. You're right, Josh. It's 103 00:04:05.370 --> 00:04:07.569 all about scooters. I'm not a bad dad. I'm trying 104 00:04:07.590 --> 00:04:07.930 my best. 105 00:04:07.969 --> 00:04:11.569 Exactly. We scootered to get a magazine earlier. They don't 106 00:04:11.610 --> 00:04:13.409 give a fuck about the magazine, do they? 107 00:04:13.669 --> 00:04:15.550 They just want the toys. I hate the magazines. They're 108 00:04:15.569 --> 00:04:16.389 about nine quid. 109 00:04:16.750 --> 00:04:19.089 It's like when I used to get the official PlayStation magazine, 110 00:04:19.110 --> 00:04:20.410 you got demos of games. 111 00:04:20.850 --> 00:04:23.879 Now, it's like a crap bit of plastic for six quid. 112 00:04:23.920 --> 00:04:25.579 Oh, so much crap plastic. 113 00:04:25.720 --> 00:04:27.360 You're better off taking them to an actual toy shop 114 00:04:27.399 --> 00:04:29.139 and getting a little teddy for about two quid. And 115 00:04:29.180 --> 00:04:30.459 it feels like they're getting a proper thing then. 116 00:04:30.899 --> 00:04:33.160 When they're browsing and you go, you haven't opened one 117 00:04:33.180 --> 00:04:35.500 of those magazines, all you're looking at is what's on 118 00:04:35.519 --> 00:04:35.860 the front. 119 00:04:36.139 --> 00:04:38.579 Yeah, just get them a toy instead. I hate the magazines. 120 00:04:38.899 --> 00:04:39.850 Anyway, how are you? 121 00:04:40.100 --> 00:04:41.139 What's happening? You all good? 122 00:04:41.180 --> 00:04:44.500 Let's do some Instagram email messages. We've not done many, 123 00:04:44.519 --> 00:04:44.720 have we? 124 00:04:44.730 --> 00:04:44.959 Yeah, yeah. 125 00:04:45.550 --> 00:04:47.430 Right, OK. Hey, hi, Rob and Josh. 126 00:04:47.550 --> 00:04:50.389 Following Josh's rogue baby monitor post, we went to a 127 00:04:50.449 --> 00:04:52.889 dinner party when our baby was about six months old 128 00:04:52.930 --> 00:04:54.790 and we put the baby upstairs in a travel cot 129 00:04:55.110 --> 00:04:56.029 and set the monitor up. 130 00:04:56.509 --> 00:04:58.230 One end in the baby's room and one end in 131 00:04:58.250 --> 00:04:59.769 the party room. It went amazing. 132 00:05:00.009 --> 00:05:02.610 The baby didn't make a sound, which was quite unusual 133 00:05:02.649 --> 00:05:05.850 under the circumstances. We felt very smug thinking how brilliant 134 00:05:05.870 --> 00:05:09.949 we looked in front of our children's friends. Parenting absolutely nailed. 135 00:05:10.449 --> 00:05:13.180 Until I went to actually check on the baby and 136 00:05:13.220 --> 00:05:15.779 my husband had put the monitors the wrong way round 137 00:05:16.120 --> 00:05:18.620 and had put the microphone end in the very noisy 138 00:05:18.680 --> 00:05:21.730 dinner party and the speaker in the baby's room. 139 00:05:21.750 --> 00:05:23.769 Incredible. Absolutely incredible. 140 00:05:23.829 --> 00:05:26.149 So had us shouting and laughing at full volume in 141 00:05:26.189 --> 00:05:29.430 her face in a house she didn't know. Needless to say, 142 00:05:29.490 --> 00:05:33.000 she wasn't asleep. Her face was puced with puffy eyes. 143 00:05:32.939 --> 00:05:34.240 And snot all over her face. Oh, God. 144 00:05:34.720 --> 00:05:37.920 From hard crying still crying and probably had been for 145 00:05:37.959 --> 00:05:41.220 a while absolute nightmare she's now eight though so apart 146 00:05:41.259 --> 00:05:42.899 from the nervous tick and the fear of being left 147 00:05:42.939 --> 00:05:46.199 alone she's completely fine um that's a joke from rebecca 148 00:05:46.220 --> 00:05:48.120 i imagine at the end there but we all have 149 00:05:48.160 --> 00:05:49.279 those moments do. 150 00:05:49.259 --> 00:05:50.819 You know what because it's on that thing of the 151 00:05:50.870 --> 00:05:53.970 spotify account where i mistakenly play music into my daughter's 152 00:05:54.449 --> 00:05:57.259 my son's yes I've had to set him up his 153 00:05:57.319 --> 00:05:58.680 own Spotify account, Rob. 154 00:05:58.899 --> 00:05:59.529 So have you got like a. 155 00:06:00.040 --> 00:06:03.120 You know, you can get a family Spotify where you 156 00:06:03.160 --> 00:06:07.009 get more than one Spotify account. So now he's nine months, Rob, 157 00:06:07.370 --> 00:06:08.810 and he's got his own Spotify account. 158 00:06:08.829 --> 00:06:10.129 Oh, my God, he's so he's London. 159 00:06:10.610 --> 00:06:12.029 And I had to lie about his age because they 160 00:06:12.050 -->

00:06:14.329 wouldn't let him. He asked me for his date of 161 00:06:14.389 --> 00:06:16.720 birth and they said he can't have a Spotify account. 162 00:06:16.779 --> 00:06:18.540 LAUGHTER That's amazing. 163 00:06:19.019 --> 00:06:22.560 But they'll be suspicious when everything's like nursery rhymes. This 164 00:06:22.579 --> 00:06:24.120 19-year-old's got a weird taste. 165 00:06:24.259 --> 00:06:26.220 He's been listening to a lot of the Joe Rogan podcast. 166 00:06:26.240 --> 00:06:28.689 He's got some very fruity views about the vaccine at 167 00:06:28.709 --> 00:06:29.209 the moment. 168 00:06:29.230 --> 00:06:32.910 Yeah, here's your Spotify rap. You're a paedophile incel from 169 00:06:32.930 --> 00:06:36.129 what you've been listening to. nursery rhymes and Joe Rogan 170 00:06:36.370 --> 00:06:36.850 well I am. 171 00:06:36.829 --> 00:06:38.480 Worried about my Spotify raps at the end of the 172 00:06:38.500 --> 00:06:41.360 year Rob because I've already done six weeks of nursery 173 00:06:41.399 --> 00:06:44.019 rhymes the whole thing's fucked mate you're. 174 00:06:43.920 --> 00:06:46.319 Gonna have a well weird rap we've got like an 175 00:06:46.360 --> 00:06:48.459 Alexa thing which is like linked up to Spotify or 176 00:06:48.480 --> 00:06:53.139 something and like when we go Alexa play Encanto soundtrack 177 00:06:53.279 --> 00:06:55.360 when you do it they read out who it's by 178 00:06:55.459 --> 00:06:57.439 you know normally they go play in the soundtrack but 179 00:06:57.459 --> 00:06:59.730 they go play in the official Encanto soundtrack it's about 180 00:06:59.829 --> 00:07:02.850 three minutes when they list everyone's name because about 40 181 00:07:02.850 --> 00:07:03.550 people have done. 182 00:07:03.470 --> 00:07:06.750 It it's mental I want to get into Encanto. 183 00:07:07.209 --> 00:07:08.209 It's like an assembly. 184 00:07:08.310 --> 00:07:09.889 It's like an assembly when they read out all the 185 00:07:09.930 --> 00:07:12.290 people that have got their certificates that year. 186 00:07:13.709 --> 00:07:14.970 But the kids love Encanto. 187 00:07:15.329 --> 00:07:17.970 I've realised I've never actually watched anything. Whenever they're watching, 188 00:07:17.990 --> 00:07:19.800 I just sit on the sofa with my phone or asleep. 189 00:07:19.980 --> 00:07:21.759 It's bad, isn't it? It's bad. 190 00:07:21.839 --> 00:07:23.949 But yeah, Encanto's doing pretty well, isn't it? 191 00:07:24.220 --> 00:07:27.120 Do you want a... What would Rob Beckett do? 192 00:07:27.259 --> 00:07:29.139 Yeah, go on. I don't know why I'm falling apart here, 193 00:07:29.160 --> 00:07:30.839 but yeah, I'll try my best to give you some advice. 194 00:07:30.860 --> 00:07:32.379 Hi, chaps. Love the pod. I listen to it while 195 00:07:32.420 --> 00:07:35.019 I do my daily walk and it really makes me laugh. 196 00:07:35.560 --> 00:07:38.040 I wanted to ask you how to handle cutting your 197 00:07:38.079 --> 00:07:41.720 children's nails. My

daughter, Jessie is really hard work and 198 00:07:41.740 --> 00:07:43.639 she screams and cries. If I go anywhere near her 199 00:07:43.680 --> 00:07:47.180 toenails with nail cutters, I have resorted to cutting them 200 00:07:47.220 --> 00:07:50.079 at night while she sleeps. Amazing. What can be done 201 00:07:50.420 --> 00:07:53.149 with a sleeping child? I feel a bit guilty about it, 202 00:07:53.189 --> 00:07:55.050 but can't think of how I can convince her to 203 00:07:55.089 --> 00:07:59.189 let me cut them. Any ideas? We've tried chocolates, open brackets, bribes, 204 00:07:59.629 --> 00:08:02.069 and making it a game with her toys. but nothing 205 00:08:02.129 --> 00:08:03.930 seems to work. Help, Jenny. 206 00:08:04.189 --> 00:08:06.439 I just think do it at night, but maybe get 207 00:08:06.480 --> 00:08:08.990 one of them little, you know, them like camping strap 208 00:08:09.149 --> 00:08:09.850 lights for your head. 209 00:08:10.459 --> 00:08:12.829 Yeah, like going down a mine. 210 00:08:13.310 --> 00:08:15.069 Yeah, a little miner's helmet. Get a little miner's helmet. 211 00:08:15.089 --> 00:08:17.410 Just do it when she's asleep because really, one, it's 212 00:08:17.490 --> 00:08:18.290 quick and easy for you. 213 00:08:18.310 --> 00:08:18.790 Yeah. 214 00:08:18.910 --> 00:08:21.629 And she's not getting upset or stressed. Eventually she'll be fine. 215 00:08:21.649 --> 00:08:23.180 This is not like she's got to get over this 216 00:08:23.199 --> 00:08:25.379 to survive in the real world. So just, if it 217 00:08:25.439 --> 00:08:27.319 ain't broke, don't fix it. It feels like you've got 218 00:08:27.339 --> 00:08:27.600 a solution. 219 00:08:27.639 --> 00:08:29.480 If it ain't fixed, don't broke it. You don't need... 220 00:08:29.399 --> 00:08:31.019 If the nail's long, don't cut it. Do you know 221 00:08:31.040 --> 00:08:31.420 what I mean? 222 00:08:31.439 --> 00:08:31.699 That said. 223 00:08:34.399 --> 00:08:36.159 But I think you've got the solution. 224 00:08:36.580 --> 00:08:37.480 Yeah, I agree. 225 00:08:37.700 --> 00:08:39.799 You know, it's not like a real lifestyle skill, being 226 00:08:39.820 --> 00:08:40.799 able to have your nails cut. 227 00:08:41.559 --> 00:08:41.639 No. 228 00:08:41.679 --> 00:08:42.639 So just do it when she's asleep. 229 00:08:42.940 --> 00:08:43.559 Yeah, I agree. 230 00:08:43.799 --> 00:08:47.139 Also, from her point of view, if I need a haircut, right, 231 00:08:47.159 --> 00:08:48.620 and a beard trim at the moment, if I went 232 00:08:48.639 --> 00:08:50.169 to sleep and someone did it in my sleep, I'd 233 00:08:50.210 --> 00:08:52.309 be absolutely loving life. 234 00:08:52.370 --> 00:08:53.110 I'd be delighted. 235 00:08:53.129 --> 00:08:55.029 Imagine waking up with a fresh trim. 236 00:08:55.250 --> 00:08:57.070 You know when you're like, oh, God, I'm knackered. I've 237 00:08:57.490 --> 00:08:59.370 got to brush my teeth. I've got to wash my face, 238 00:08:59.429 --> 00:09:01.559 all that. If I could go to sleep and someone 239 00:09:01.580 --> 00:09:03.840 could brush my teeth while I slept. Oh, man. 240 00:09:04.019 --> 00:09:05.669 I mean, you've got to be a deep sleeper for that, 241 00:09:05.970 --> 00:09:07.149 haven't you? 242 00:09:07.169 --> 00:09:13.220 Yeah, I mean, there's choking issues there, but.... 243 00:09:11.929 --> 00:09:15.509 Don't worry, my teeth are clean for the morning. Well, 244 00:09:15.549 --> 00:09:16.909 I think that's fine. I don't think you need help. 245 00:09:16.950 --> 00:09:19.250 I think you're smashing it. You've solved your own problem there. 246 00:09:19.309 --> 00:09:19.870 Exactly. 247 00:09:19.889 --> 00:09:22.889 I'll just let him have a little massive long wizard nails. 248 00:09:23.049 --> 00:09:25.250 Yeah, one of the two. One of the two. Have 249 00:09:25.269 --> 00:09:26.110 you got any other emails, Rob? 250 00:09:26.970 --> 00:09:27.809 Boomer Parenting here. 251 00:09:27.830 --> 00:09:30.029 When I was about seven and my brother was three, 252 00:09:30.090 --> 00:09:32.190 the light bulb in our hallway blew. It was just 253 00:09:32.269 --> 00:09:33.720 us and my mum at home, and she asked me 254 00:09:33.740 --> 00:09:35.440 to turn the light switch off so that she could 255 00:09:35.700 --> 00:09:36.399 change the bulb. 256 00:09:36.799 --> 00:09:38.379 My mum told me this was really important. 257 00:09:38.399 --> 00:09:41.139 The trouble was there were two switches that controlled that light, 258 00:09:41.179 --> 00:09:42.610 so I had no idea which way was off. 259 00:09:43.289 --> 00:09:43.610 Oh, no. Oh, no. 260 00:09:50.029 --> 00:09:50.490 Oh, come on now. 261 00:09:50.509 --> 00:09:50.750 Oh, my God. 262 00:09:50.769 --> 00:10:10.580 That is brutal, isn't it? Do you think parents just 263 00:10:10.600 --> 00:10:12.320 get bored and think this will be a laugh? 264 00:10:12.500 --> 00:10:14.000 Would you ever do that to one of your kids? 265 00:10:14.360 --> 00:10:15.940 Do you know what it feels like? 266 00:10:15.960 --> 00:10:17.860 Maybe having children, because we're still young and we're a 267 00:10:17.879 --> 00:10:21.820 bit green into it with young kids, is having children 268 00:10:21.860 --> 00:10:23.990 like getting a new car where you have all rules 269 00:10:24.179 --> 00:10:25.610 of like, I'm not going to drive it down that 270 00:10:25.649 --> 00:10:26.889 tight road or I'm not going to go in an 271 00:10:26.929 --> 00:10:29.950 underground car park, no food in it, whatever. And then 272 00:10:30.029 --> 00:10:32.970 after a while, it slowly just gets worse and worse. 273 00:10:33.090 --> 00:10:34.750 And then you think, fuck it, do what you want 274 00:10:34.789 --> 00:10:35.899 in it. Do what you want to it. 275 00:10:36.129 --> 00:10:38.350 The kids are damaged enough. What's another story? 276 00:10:38.409 --> 00:10:41.220 I've got a new computer. And for the last week, 277 00:10:41.320 --> 00:10:43.360 every time it's been

suggesting an update, I'm like, I'm 278 00:10:43.379 --> 00:10:45.200 going to do the update. 279 00:10:46.159 --> 00:10:46.480 Why not? 280 00:10:46.740 --> 00:10:48.220 I'm going to close all the windows. I'm going to 281 00:10:48.259 --> 00:10:49.779 send the report that that app crashed. 282 00:10:49.799 --> 00:10:52.019 I'm going to have a clean desktop. I'm going to 283 00:10:52.070 --> 00:10:52.590 file stuff. 284 00:10:52.990 --> 00:10:53.649 Exactly. 285 00:10:53.850 --> 00:10:55.370 But yeah, maybe that's just what happens. 286 00:10:55.389 --> 00:10:58.529 So do you think we're going to become worse, less 287 00:10:58.649 --> 00:11:01.960 caring parents as it goes on, Rob? Yes. 288 00:11:01.980 --> 00:11:07.309 LAUGHTER I think that's what happens. 289 00:11:07.370 --> 00:11:08.909 And then when you've got a grandkid you don't care, 290 00:11:08.929 --> 00:11:10.429 you just sort of juggle them about, throw them up 291 00:11:10.470 --> 00:11:10.750 in the air. 292 00:11:12.429 --> 00:11:12.830 This is funny. 293 00:11:12.850 --> 00:11:14.529 You know that woman that was drunk at our live 294 00:11:14.549 --> 00:11:15.990 shows and shouted, how's your dog? 295 00:11:16.230 --> 00:11:16.470 Yeah. 296 00:11:16.690 --> 00:11:18.389 This is from Steve. Hi, Rob and Josh. 297 00:11:18.409 --> 00:11:20.789 Just listen to this week's podcast and can't stop laughing 298 00:11:20.860 --> 00:11:21.799 as the how's your. 299 00:11:21.700 --> 00:11:23.360 Dog woman is my wife, Tora. 300 00:11:24.299 --> 00:11:24.399 Oh. 301 00:11:25.519 --> 00:11:27.990 Last week's live show fell on her birthday and the 302 00:11:28.029 --> 00:11:30.149 show was a birthday treat, but I made the mistake 303 00:11:30.190 --> 00:11:32.710 of bringing her into London early for lunch and cocktails 304 00:11:32.769 --> 00:11:33.409 at midday. 305 00:11:33.429 --> 00:11:34.110 Oh, mate. 306 00:11:34.750 --> 00:11:38.620 And she got rather merry before and during the show. Surprisingly, 307 00:11:38.659 --> 00:11:41.440 she did remember shouting, how's your dog, the next morning, 308 00:11:41.779 --> 00:11:44.200 but did not remember falling asleep on the train all 309 00:11:44.220 --> 00:11:45.899 the way home with her face in a ham and 310 00:11:45.919 --> 00:11:48.509 coleslaw sandwich I pulled from the shop to try and 311 00:11:48.610 --> 00:11:51.720 sober her up. We have a whippet called Wilf and 312 00:11:51.740 --> 00:11:54.399 she was over the moon when Rob got Freddie. It 313 00:11:54.419 --> 00:11:57.179 was almost identical. So she was keen to find out 314 00:11:57.220 --> 00:11:59.659 how he was. The live show was great. We didn't 315 00:11:59.679 --> 00:12:01.710 stop laughing all night. Keep up the great work, Steve. 316 00:12:03.490 --> 00:12:04.750 That's a great review for the live show, but you 317 00:12:04.769 --> 00:12:06.889 may have to be so pissed you can't even stay 318 00:12:06.909 --> 00:12:08.370 awake on the journey home. 319 00:12:09.049 --> 00:12:11.879 We should say today, the day this is released, at 320 00:12:11.960 --> 00:12:13.919 10am is when the tickets have gone on general sale 321 00:12:13.940 --> 00:12:15.960 for the two new live shows that we're doing. 322 00:12:16.159 --> 00:12:17.179 Yes, Manchester and London. 323 00:12:17.200 --> 00:12:20.299 They are next April. Which I know is a long 324 00:12:20.340 --> 00:12:21.519 way away, but there's a, you know. 325 00:12:21.539 --> 00:12:24.500 Well, no, basically, we can't get it sooner. 326 00:12:24.519 --> 00:12:27.620 Because of the COVID, everything's being rescheduled, so that's the 327 00:12:27.659 --> 00:12:29.110 only time we could get them in the room. 328 00:12:29.179 --> 00:12:31.809 And also, it gives you a chance to get a babysitter. 329 00:12:32.129 --> 00:12:34.690 You've got 14 months to prepare. I suppose you just 330 00:12:34.710 --> 00:12:36.809 go online and Google it and the tickets will be available, 331 00:12:36.830 --> 00:12:38.769 will they? How does it work? That's how it works, right? 332 00:12:39.210 --> 00:12:40.470 We'll put links in everything. 333 00:12:41.009 --> 00:12:42.919 Josh, you're panicking about ticket sales, I can sense it. 334 00:12:43.149 --> 00:12:44.490 I panic about everything, Rob. 335 00:12:44.529 --> 00:12:46.190 If they want to come, they'll come. Don't let them 336 00:12:46.230 --> 00:12:46.529 find it. 337 00:12:46.529 --> 00:12:52.590 All right, Kevin Costner, fucking hell. LAUGHTER If you. 338 00:12:52.509 --> 00:12:53.830 Build it, they will come. That's the line, isn't it? 339 00:12:53.909 --> 00:12:54.120 Yeah. 340 00:12:54.129 --> 00:12:56.399 That'll be fine, mate. If not, it'll be a laugh anyway, 341 00:12:56.419 --> 00:12:56.620 won't it? 342 00:12:56.620 --> 00:12:57.360 Yeah, it'll be fun. 343 00:12:57.379 --> 00:12:58.000 Me and you in there. 344 00:12:58.019 --> 00:12:59.779 I'm going to go on the mega lash afterwards. I 345 00:12:59.799 --> 00:13:00.320 can't wait. 346 00:13:01.580 --> 00:13:03.539 We should organise an after party somewhere. 347 00:13:04.019 --> 00:13:05.679 Yeah, we should. We're not going to put that on 348 00:13:05.700 --> 00:13:08.279 the podcast. Why not? Because. 349 00:13:08.299 --> 00:13:09.799 Should we do a club night in Indigo? 350 00:13:09.820 --> 00:13:12.309 Because I'm not sitting there while someone who's had cocktails 351 00:13:12.350 --> 00:13:14.120 since midday asks you how your dog is. 352 00:13:19.320 --> 00:13:19.980 As your dog. 353 00:13:20.019 --> 00:13:22.830 What a terrible question. What do you want me to say? 354 00:13:23.179 --> 00:13:25.750 Fucking on antibiotics last week. Oh, God. 355 00:13:26.350 --> 00:13:27.370 Right, do you want another one? 356 00:13:27.389 --> 00:13:28.730 Yeah, one last one. 357 00:13:29.190 --> 00:13:30.769 Okay. Hi, Rob and Josh. Hope you're both well. 358 00:13:30.809 --> 00:13:33.309 Just been listening to your most recent episode, What is 359 00:13:33.370 --> 00:13:35.950 the

Time, where Josh couldn't say how many days in 360 00:13:35.990 --> 00:13:38.350 each month without singing the rhyme. I'm a teacher and 361 00:13:38.370 --> 00:13:39.840 have a much easier way of remembering. 362 00:13:39.889 --> 00:13:40.240 Here we go. 363 00:13:40.539 --> 00:13:43.700 Clench both of your knuckles and put them side by side. 364 00:13:44.299 --> 00:13:48.779 Starting from the left, your little finger knuckle represents January 365 00:13:49.320 --> 00:13:54.799 with 31 days. Then February is the dip between the knuckles. 366 00:13:55.340 --> 00:13:57.820 I've seen this before. So March has got 31, April 30, 367 00:13:57.799 --> 00:13:58.870 May 31, June 30, July 31, August 31, September 30. 368 00:13:58.870 --> 00:14:00.049 You're not helping. Sorry. 369 00:14:07.549 --> 00:14:10.960 But I'm reading that. Yeah, but hang on. So, yeah. 370 00:14:11.320 --> 00:14:12.899 So you put both your hands out in fists. 371 00:14:12.919 --> 00:14:13.480 Yeah, okay. 372 00:14:13.519 --> 00:14:16.620 So January is the 31st, and then February's in a dip, 373 00:14:17.299 --> 00:14:19.450 so it has less than 31. Moving on to March, 374 00:14:19.519 --> 00:14:22.629 the knuckle is 31, et cetera. July and August are 375 00:14:22.950 --> 00:14:24.990 both 31, then as they are two knuckles side by 376 00:14:25.009 --> 00:14:26.190 side when your fists are together. 377 00:14:26.509 --> 00:14:31.250 That... How is that easy? That is mental. That's fucking mental, Emily. 378 00:14:31.279 --> 00:14:33.639 Why don't you keep your ideas to your fucking self, Emily, 379 00:14:33.940 --> 00:14:37.820 from Leamington Spa? Jesus Christ. There's people trying to drive 380 00:14:37.860 --> 00:14:40.970 doing that, nearly crashing. Fuck's sake, just look at your phone. 381 00:14:42.149 --> 00:14:45.309 Sorry, Emily, but fucking hell, mate. Jesus Christ. 382 00:14:45.409 --> 00:14:46.840 I don't think that's better than the rhyme. 383 00:14:47.399 --> 00:14:48.259 Absolutely not. 384 00:14:48.379 --> 00:14:49.679 Insane. Oh, dear. 385 00:14:49.779 --> 00:14:52.720 Right, well, Josh, shall we... Oh, introduce the guest. That's 386 00:14:52.740 --> 00:14:54.279 what we should do. I just panicked. I thought I 387 00:14:54.299 --> 00:14:56.279 didn't record that, but I have been recording it. Thank God. 388 00:14:56.990 --> 00:14:58.889 I did feel... Do you know what? The panic that 389 00:14:58.909 --> 00:15:01.309 gripped you felt like me worrying about ticket sales. 390 00:15:01.990 --> 00:15:02.230 And it. 391 00:15:03.389 --> 00:15:05.730 When am I going to stop worrying about life? 392 00:15:05.990 --> 00:15:08.389 You can't, mate. It'll be what it'll be. And if 393 00:15:08.450 --> 00:15:10.049 people come, they come. If they don't, they don't. I 394 00:15:10.070 --> 00:15:10.590 think they will. 395 00:15:10.629 --> 00:15:11.950 We sold quite a lot of tickets last time. The 396 00:15:11.990 --> 00:15:13.769 show's going to be great. And it is what it is. 397

00:15:13.789 --> 00:15:14.830 You've got to chill out a bit more. And I 398 00:15:14.850 --> 00:15:16.330 know it's coming from a man that broke down in 399 00:15:16.389 --> 00:15:18.629 tears after a gig for seven seconds and then recovered 400 00:15:18.700 --> 00:15:19.320 after being heckled. 401 00:15:19.360 --> 00:15:21.500 But sometimes you've just got to not care. 402 00:15:21.860 --> 00:15:22.080 Yeah. 403 00:15:22.340 --> 00:15:24.899 Okay. Fair enough. Well, talk about something you need to 404 00:15:24.919 --> 00:15:27.470 chill out, Rob. Yes. Here's Adam Buxton. 405 00:15:28.049 --> 00:15:31.860 Adam Buxton's a very stressed man. Love Adam Buxton. He's 406 00:15:31.960 --> 00:15:34.019 a great guy. And a great episode, this. He's a 407 00:15:34.039 --> 00:15:35.929 big podcast fella, isn't he? 408 00:15:36.049 --> 00:15:36.789 Loves the podcast. 409 00:15:36.809 --> 00:15:37.529 Oh, king of the pods. 410 00:15:37.950 --> 00:15:38.990 Enjoy Adam Buxton. 411 00:15:41.519 --> 00:15:44.720 Adam Buxton, welcome to the podcast. Before we start, have 412 00:15:44.740 --> 00:15:47.259 you done a podcast before? Do you need any pointers, 413 00:15:47.340 --> 00:15:49.440 explanation of how it all works or you're good? 414 00:15:50.200 --> 00:15:51.820 Am I able to swear? 415 00:15:51.840 --> 00:15:55.490 Yeah, as much as you want. So how many kids 416 00:15:55.509 --> 00:15:56.570 you got? What's your kids set up? 417 00:15:56.789 --> 00:15:58.070 I think I'm pretty sure I've got three. 418 00:15:58.429 --> 00:15:59.350 Yep. 419 00:16:00.549 --> 00:16:03.570 I've got there's a girl is definitely a girl. She's 420 00:16:03.629 --> 00:16:07.389 nice and she seems to like me. There's two boys. 421 00:16:08.049 --> 00:16:10.460 One of them's keener on me than the other one. 422 00:16:11.159 --> 00:16:15.659 they're teenagers the oldest one has gone off to university 423 00:16:15.679 --> 00:16:20.500 oh wow last year studying music production that was a 424 00:16:20.539 --> 00:16:23.139 big deal because we really thought that he was never 425 00:16:23.279 --> 00:16:24.799 ever going to leave the house and i don't think 426 00:16:24.820 --> 00:16:28.690 he wanted to leave the house the middle one is 427 00:16:28.769 --> 00:16:32.809 quite different he's 17 now in the best possible way 428 00:16:33.149 --> 00:16:39.200 he doesn't give a shit I mean, that's a quality 429 00:16:39.240 --> 00:16:43.139 that is sometimes a source of anxiety and worry for 430 00:16:43.159 --> 00:16:46.759 the lad and also frustration when the lad doesn't do 431 00:16:46.840 --> 00:16:49.120 anything or want to do anything or do what you 432 00:16:49.210 --> 00:16:51.870 say or what you suggest. But then other times I 433 00:16:51.929 --> 00:16:55.289 do think, actually, that's kind of a superpower. If you 434 00:16:55.409 --> 00:16:58.509 genuinely don't give a shit and you're not horrible, which 435 00:16:58.529 --> 00:17:01.370 he's not. He's like he's a nice guy and he's 436 00:17:01.389 --> 00:17:04.480 got one or two talents. He's quite musical. I think 437 00:17:04.500 --> 00:17:06.289 that that's a pretty good way to be, because I 438 00:17:06.329 --> 00:17:08.349 was the opposite. I gave a shit about everything. 439 00:17:08.529 --> 00:17:08.809 Yeah. 440 00:17:09.269 --> 00:17:11.329 And it was, you know, crippling. 441 00:17:12.589 --> 00:17:16.569 How does not giving a shit manifest itself? Give an 442 00:17:16.609 --> 00:17:18.670 example of him not kind of giving a shit. 443 00:17:19.019 --> 00:17:21.039 Well, he doesn't seem to be... I mean, I've got 444 00:17:21.059 --> 00:17:25.019 to be careful not to malign him unfairly, but he 445 00:17:25.160 --> 00:17:31.140 doesn't seem overly worried about... his academic progress at school 446 00:17:31.200 --> 00:17:35.619 or lack thereof yeah and the whole revising for exams 447 00:17:35.680 --> 00:17:39.069 thing nah he's not too worried about that he's got 448 00:17:39.089 --> 00:17:43.009 it down he's like it's fine it's fine i'm gonna 449 00:17:43.069 --> 00:17:45.190 do it at the end this is how i do 450 00:17:45.250 --> 00:17:47.529 it okay it's like he pretends that he's got a 451 00:17:47.609 --> 00:17:51.380 system He's like, no, you idiots, you don't understand. The 452 00:17:51.480 --> 00:17:55.359 system is I do it the night before. That's how 453 00:17:55.539 --> 00:17:59.460 I do it. And then we say, yeah, but you 454 00:17:59.579 --> 00:18:03.559 failed all of those exams. I know because I didn't 455 00:18:03.720 --> 00:18:06.990 do it that time. This time I'm going to do 456 00:18:07.049 --> 00:18:09.589 it the night before and it's going to be fine. 457 00:18:11.410 --> 00:18:14.630 I went to school in central London, right next to 458 00:18:15.069 --> 00:18:19.089 Westminster Abbey. And I remember wandering around in St. James's 459 00:18:19.150 --> 00:18:23.079 Park just before my A-levels with a bottle of whiskey 460 00:18:23.119 --> 00:18:26.920 in my pocket thinking, my life is over because I 461 00:18:27.000 --> 00:18:29.200 am not on top of these exams and I don't 462 00:18:29.220 --> 00:18:30.619 know what's going to happen to me. And the school 463 00:18:30.680 --> 00:18:33.390 I went to, they drilled it into you that you 464 00:18:33.410 --> 00:18:36.650 better pull your socks up, Buxton, because otherwise you can 465 00:18:36.710 --> 00:18:38.380 forget about the rest of your life. You know, if 466 00:18:38.390 --> 00:18:42.380 you don't get into this university or that university, that's it. 467 00:18:42.559 --> 00:18:45.059 You're done. I really believed it, you know, and it's 468 00:18:45.079 --> 00:18:46.140 such a lot of bullshit. 469 00:18:46.319 --> 00:18:49.000 So your son doesn't care about that kind of stuff, 470 00:18:49.019 --> 00:18:51.640 but obviously you were kind of tormented by it. Do 471 00:18:51.660 --> 00:18:54.440 you find it difficult to let go of that yourself? 472 00:18:54.539 --> 00:18:56.799 Do you

find yourself putting pressure on him with that? 473 00:18:56.839 --> 00:18:58.519 Or do you feel like you can step back and 474 00:18:58.539 --> 00:18:59.960 let it just unfold? 475 00:19:00.259 --> 00:19:03.289 Well, I'm definitely, you know, in the good cop, bad 476 00:19:03.349 --> 00:19:06.930 cop dynamic that my wife and I adopt, like many 477 00:19:06.970 --> 00:19:10.970 other parents, I'm definitely the cop that's saying, hey, it's fine, 478 00:19:11.009 --> 00:19:13.430 you're going to be fine, don't worry about it. Whereas 479 00:19:13.529 --> 00:19:17.410 she's much more on top of all their educational stuff. 480 00:19:17.769 --> 00:19:20.859 I really do think that too much pressure is put 481 00:19:21.039 --> 00:19:24.400 on children. And this idea that if you don't get 482 00:19:24.480 --> 00:19:28.049 the right exam results right, It's all over. It's bullshit. 483 00:19:28.109 --> 00:19:31.549 I appreciate that. You know, we're very lucky in all 484 00:19:31.609 --> 00:19:34.069 sorts of ways. They've got a safety net, our children, 485 00:19:34.130 --> 00:19:37.309 and there's all kinds of ways that they're spoiled and 486 00:19:37.490 --> 00:19:39.329 we're going to be there for them. And not everyone 487 00:19:39.670 --> 00:19:43.029 is in that fortunate position. So the stakes are higher 488 00:19:43.509 --> 00:19:45.750 and the stakes are high for our children as well. 489 00:19:45.769 --> 00:19:47.190 You know, I want them to do as well as 490 00:19:47.230 --> 00:19:50.319 they can and to do some work and understand. that 491 00:19:50.339 --> 00:19:52.569 you do actually have to try at things for things 492 00:19:52.609 --> 00:19:54.990 to happen you can't just expect everything to come to 493 00:19:55.029 --> 00:19:57.390 you yeah but at the same time it is not 494 00:19:57.470 --> 00:19:59.750 all over if you screw up your exams you know. 495 00:19:59.690 --> 00:20:03.140 Yeah Also, sometimes you don't have to try hard. Genuinely, 496 00:20:03.180 --> 00:20:05.079 with certain things, obviously you have to put effort in 497 00:20:05.099 --> 00:20:07.720 with things. But for me, like with certain stuff, if 498 00:20:07.819 --> 00:20:10.019 I try hard, I ruin it. So you do have 499 00:20:10.059 --> 00:20:11.519 to make sure you're putting all the effort in in 500 00:20:11.539 --> 00:20:14.140 the right places. But just by staring at a page 501 00:20:14.240 --> 00:20:15.740 for 12 hours doesn't mean it'll help. 502 00:20:15.769 --> 00:20:16.440 You know what I mean? 503 00:20:16.460 --> 00:20:20.009 Where sometimes I think people can be coerced into over-preparing 504 00:20:20.029 --> 00:20:21.930 and working too hard. And that stresses them out as well, 505 00:20:21.970 --> 00:20:24.529 where some people naturally are better if they're more rested 506 00:20:24.569 --> 00:20:27.230 and chilled and relaxed than being so crippled with the 507 00:20:27.269 --> 00:20:27.829 pressure of it. 508 00:20:28.180 --> 00:20:31.720 Yeah, exactly. And also, it sometimes seems as if all 509 00:20:31.740 --> 00:20:35.630 you're training them to do is play a certain system 510 00:20:36.150 --> 00:20:39.309 that actually doesn't equip them with all that many skills 511 00:20:39.529 --> 00:20:42.109 for what's really important in life. You know, they still 512 00:20:42.170 --> 00:20:46.289 don't teach all sorts of very basic things at school. 513 00:20:46.329 --> 00:20:48.430 I think they're beginning to do it a bit more. 514 00:20:48.730 --> 00:20:49.170 You know what I mean? 515 00:20:49.190 --> 00:20:54.150 Like relationships, how to open a bank account. how to 516 00:20:54.220 --> 00:20:57.539 do your washing, how to feed yourself properly. You know, 517 00:20:57.559 --> 00:21:01.500 there are more of those elements creeping into education now, 518 00:21:01.559 --> 00:21:04.759 I get the impression. And they're beginning to talk about like, oh, 519 00:21:04.779 --> 00:21:07.630 you know, treat people with respect and do all that 520 00:21:07.650 --> 00:21:10.529 sort of stuff. But still, there are yawning gaps there 521 00:21:10.589 --> 00:21:13.910 that are filled with just a load of stuff that 522 00:21:13.950 --> 00:21:15.950 you learn by rote that you're never going to use. 523 00:21:15.970 --> 00:21:19.549 Totally agree. Obviously, you went to a school... which was 524 00:21:19.680 --> 00:21:21.890 very proper and about results and all that kind of thing. 525 00:21:21.930 --> 00:21:23.970 Yeah, who the fuck goes to school in Westminster? Where's 526 00:21:23.990 --> 00:21:25.630 this gaff? I've never heard of it. 527 00:21:25.789 --> 00:21:27.089 You're not going to believe what it's called, Rob. I 528 00:21:27.109 --> 00:21:28.470 can tell you what it's called. You said it in 529 00:21:28.509 --> 00:21:28.680 the word. 530 00:21:31.259 --> 00:21:32.220 Westminster School. 531 00:21:32.559 --> 00:21:35.960 Yeah, this was an expensive private school that my parents 532 00:21:36.039 --> 00:21:38.779 got me into, that my dad was very excited to 533 00:21:38.819 --> 00:21:41.819 get me into. He kind of got a last minute deal. 534 00:21:42.099 --> 00:21:42.259 Yeah. 535 00:21:42.640 --> 00:21:44.980 He got a cheap deal. You know, sometimes if you 536 00:21:45.069 --> 00:21:47.940 book hotels at the right time, you can get quite 537 00:21:47.980 --> 00:21:50.549 a nice room for a lot less. I think that's 538 00:21:50.609 --> 00:21:53.210 what he got with Westminster. And as a result, I 539 00:21:53.269 --> 00:21:54.730 started a term later. 540 00:21:54.750 --> 00:21:57.250 Oh, right. Did you have siblings as well, Adam? 541 00:21:57.559 --> 00:21:59.319 I did. Yes, I was the oldest of three. No, 542 00:21:59.339 --> 00:22:01.420 they didn't go there. The thing with my dad, which 543 00:22:01.480 --> 00:22:03.440 I wrote about in my book, was that he kind 544 00:22:03.500 --> 00:22:06.200 of overreached financially. 545 00:22:06.220 --> 00:22:06.519 Yeah. 546 00:22:07.119 -->

00:22:08.720 And he ran out of money. 547 00:22:08.740 --> 00:22:10.200 A lot of pressure on you. Yeah. 548 00:22:10.279 --> 00:22:11.859 I basically emptied the pot. 549 00:22:11.880 --> 00:22:13.700 That's a lot of pressure. 550 00:22:14.119 --> 00:22:16.140 It was a lot of pressure. I mean, my brother 551 00:22:16.160 --> 00:22:18.539 and sister did start to go to similar schools, but yeah, 552 00:22:18.559 --> 00:22:21.039 he had to take my brother out. And he never 553 00:22:21.119 --> 00:22:23.779 really forgave himself for that. And there was a lot 554 00:22:23.819 --> 00:22:26.640 of pressure on me that I didn't feel at the time. 555 00:22:26.660 --> 00:22:28.069 Oh, my God. No wonder you got a bottle of 556 00:22:28.089 --> 00:22:29.109 whiskey on the guy in the park. 557 00:22:29.549 --> 00:22:33.049 Exactly. But then later on, I really did feel like 558 00:22:33.349 --> 00:22:37.950 me waggling toys on Channel 4 and doing poo and 559 00:22:37.990 --> 00:22:42.049 fart jokes is not what my dad was imagining when 560 00:22:42.089 --> 00:22:45.210 he spent all his money and ruined his marriage by 561 00:22:45.250 --> 00:22:46.670 sending me to an expensive school. 562 00:22:47.829 --> 00:22:49.869 But you got him on the show. Was that a 563 00:22:50.029 --> 00:22:52.990 nod to it? I'll get my dad on the TV 564 00:22:53.029 --> 00:22:55.430 show as a kind of slight payback. 100%. 565 00:22:55.430 --> 00:22:59.190 Yeah, it definitely was. That was one of the big 566 00:22:59.279 --> 00:23:01.930 things I was thinking was like, here you go, Dad. 567 00:23:01.950 --> 00:23:04.940 You see, it wasn't a total waste of money after all. 568 00:23:05.039 --> 00:23:06.720 And I used to love it when we did. I'm 569 00:23:06.740 --> 00:23:08.839 talking about a show called The Adam and Joe Show 570 00:23:08.859 --> 00:23:11.420 that me and Joe Cornish used to do on Channel 4. 571 00:23:11.420 --> 00:23:14.470 And my dad, who was then in his mid-70s, was 572 00:23:14.569 --> 00:23:18.910 drafted in to be our kind of youth correspondent. And 573 00:23:19.069 --> 00:23:21.690 we'd go off to festivals with him and he'd review 574 00:23:21.809 --> 00:23:25.490 records and hip-hop and the Spice Girls and all sorts 575 00:23:25.529 --> 00:23:28.230 of stuff. You know, the joke was, ha-ha, here's this 576 00:23:28.289 --> 00:23:30.930 posh old guy and he's totally out of touch with 577 00:23:31.009 --> 00:23:33.450 this stuff. But it was funny to hear him rant 578 00:23:33.490 --> 00:23:35.230 about it because he hated it all. Are you going 579 00:23:35.259 --> 00:23:37.410 to sue Jack Whitehall for stealing your idea or just 580 00:23:37.470 --> 00:23:42.529 leave it? LAUGHTER Well, I don't think we invented the 581 00:23:42.630 --> 00:23:46.890 idea of dads getting your parents involved with fun shenanigans. 582 00:23:47.289 --> 00:23:49.559 The thing about Jack Whitehall is that he's always on 583 00:23:49.619 --> 00:23:52.400 screen with his dad. I never

really was. We always 584 00:23:52.440 --> 00:23:54.859 just used to leave him to it, my dad. But 585 00:23:54.900 --> 00:23:57.720 I really did think, here we go, look, I've come 586 00:23:57.759 --> 00:24:00.819 good after all that money you wasted at the school. 587 00:24:01.279 --> 00:24:03.690 Here we are on TV because he liked being on TV, 588 00:24:03.730 --> 00:24:04.069 my dad. 589 00:24:04.190 --> 00:24:05.890 Well, he was a writer, wasn't he? A wine critic 590 00:24:05.930 --> 00:24:06.750 kind of thing. Is that right? 591 00:24:06.849 --> 00:24:10.519 Yeah, exactly. He was a travel writer. And he wrote 592 00:24:10.579 --> 00:24:13.059 about wine. Yeah, that was his big passion. And he 593 00:24:13.099 --> 00:24:13.940 loved walking. 594 00:24:13.960 --> 00:24:16.599 Well, travel and wine is all very sort of like 595 00:24:16.940 --> 00:24:18.960 about money and sort of like, you know, there's always 596 00:24:19.000 --> 00:24:20.779 a next level up. And I suppose he sort of 597 00:24:20.960 --> 00:24:23.700 translated that into schooling as well, where that school is 598 00:24:23.720 --> 00:24:25.240 probably one of the best in the country, I imagine. 599 00:24:25.880 --> 00:24:29.349 Yeah, he came from a big working class family in 600 00:24:29.450 --> 00:24:33.519 Sussex and his parents lived. help to run an estate 601 00:24:33.799 --> 00:24:37.359 for a wealthy family they basically had it drummed into 602 00:24:37.400 --> 00:24:39.700 them that they would do anything they could to be 603 00:24:39.779 --> 00:24:42.859 part of the establishment you know that they would move 604 00:24:42.940 --> 00:24:46.109 up the social ranks and so my dad always aspired 605 00:24:46.150 --> 00:24:49.250 to being part of what he saw as the right 606 00:24:49.809 --> 00:24:52.809 people in the right environment and go to Oxbridge and 607 00:24:53.430 --> 00:24:55.630 read the right books and plus he was a clever 608 00:24:55.670 --> 00:24:57.980 guy who worked really hard so it's not as if 609 00:24:58.019 --> 00:24:59.599 he didn't belong there do you know what I mean 610 00:24:59.619 --> 00:25:02.589 like it's not as if he didn't have what was required. 611 00:25:02.769 --> 00:25:05.589 How does that reflect then kind of upbringing that you've 612 00:25:05.630 --> 00:25:07.490 given your kids? What do you take from that and 613 00:25:07.529 --> 00:25:09.650 then place onto them as a parent? 614 00:25:09.990 --> 00:25:15.990 I'm raising them to be working class. Because that's what 615 00:25:16.029 --> 00:25:19.869 everyone aspires to now. Everyone hates posh people. So I'm 616 00:25:19.930 --> 00:25:21.910 bringing them up as EastEnders. 617 00:25:22.190 --> 00:25:23.869 Jelly deals for breakfast, stuff like that. 618 00:25:24.190 --> 00:25:24.490 Yeah. 619 00:25:24.769 --> 00:25:25.950 Swap Rosie for a whippet. 620 00:25:28.109 --> 00:25:28.549 That's right. 621 00:25:29.009 --> 00:25:31.250 Rosie's your dog, by the way, not your daughter, just

622 00:25:31.269 --> 00:25:32.339 to confirm to the listeners. 623 00:25:32.859 --> 00:25:37.660 No, it's very tricky to walk the line between, you know, 624 00:25:37.700 --> 00:25:40.240 your instinct as a parent is to do well for 625 00:25:40.259 --> 00:25:42.339 your children, is to give them the things that you 626 00:25:42.380 --> 00:25:45.380 never had. I mean, I had pretty much everything that 627 00:25:45.619 --> 00:25:48.109 I could possibly need when I was younger, but there's 628 00:25:48.220 --> 00:25:51.450 always going to be a gap there, whatever your upbringing 629 00:25:51.529 --> 00:25:54.609 is like. And for me, the gap was... A closer 630 00:25:54.650 --> 00:25:56.990 relationship with my own parents because they sent us off 631 00:25:57.029 --> 00:25:58.990 to these schools. You know, I went to boarding school 632 00:25:59.009 --> 00:25:59.670 when I was quite young. 633 00:25:59.690 --> 00:26:01.410 Oh, was that a boarding one, the Westminster one? 634 00:26:01.609 --> 00:26:05.019 Well, actually, I'd been to boarding school before then. And 635 00:26:05.079 --> 00:26:07.440 by the time I got to Westminster, I said, oh, 636 00:26:07.480 --> 00:26:09.319 I want to carry on boarding because I was sort 637 00:26:09.339 --> 00:26:10.519 of institutionalised. 638 00:26:10.779 --> 00:26:11.059 Yeah. 639 00:26:11.319 --> 00:26:13.519 We lived in London, so I could easily have gone home. 640 00:26:13.579 --> 00:26:17.079 I could have been a day boy. But I said, no, no, 641 00:26:17.099 --> 00:26:17.460 I want to. 642 00:26:17.400 --> 00:26:18.059 Be a boarder. 643 00:26:18.519 --> 00:26:20.099 I want to carry on with that life because it 644 00:26:20.140 --> 00:26:21.119 was more fun. 645 00:26:21.140 --> 00:26:23.750 You're a big boy, you're a grown-up, that kind of stuff, yeah. 646 00:26:23.910 --> 00:26:26.170 Yeah, intense friendships. 647 00:26:26.349 --> 00:26:27.930 Did you ever wank on a biscuit? Is that a 648 00:26:27.950 --> 00:26:28.910 thing or is that made up? 649 00:26:29.890 --> 00:26:33.980 I never took part in the sticky biscuit ritual to 650 00:26:34.019 --> 00:26:35.859 which you are referring. Soggy. 651 00:26:35.940 --> 00:26:38.900 I thought soggy biscuits, sticky biscuits, same vibe. So did 652 00:26:38.920 --> 00:26:39.359 it happen? 653 00:26:39.599 --> 00:26:43.200 I've heard soggy biscuits, sticky biscuit. Not that I'm aware of. 654 00:26:43.309 --> 00:26:45.849 I never, ever heard of anyone actually doing that. 655 00:26:45.990 --> 00:26:46.250 No. 656 00:26:46.289 --> 00:26:47.890 Are you going to spell it out for the listeners 657 00:26:47.950 --> 00:26:48.599 now or am I? 658 00:26:48.789 --> 00:26:51.420 Well, you'll stand in a circle, I imagine, and masturbate. 659 00:26:51.519 --> 00:26:54.220 And then the person that ejaculates last eats the biscuit 660 00:26:54.259 --> 00:26:54.980 covered in semen. 661 00:26:57.680 --> 00:26:58.339 That's the one. 662 00:26:58.359 --> 00:27:00.180 That's the one.

We have a lot of older listeners 663 00:27:00.220 --> 00:27:01.579 that may not be aware, so I think it's great 664 00:27:01.599 --> 00:27:06.400 to spell that out. Just in case. 665 00:27:07.279 --> 00:27:08.259 I want to go back to my point. I don't 666 00:27:08.279 --> 00:27:09.579 want to be Kay Burley here, Adam. I'm going to 667 00:27:09.640 --> 00:27:12.019 pressure you on this. Were there biscuits, at least? Can 668 00:27:12.039 --> 00:27:14.140 you confirm or deny biscuits in the boarding school? 669 00:27:16.410 --> 00:27:19.150 Yeah, there were lots of biscuits. We used to get 670 00:27:19.329 --> 00:27:25.109 free chocolate digestives, but no, there was no custard cream action. 671 00:27:25.130 --> 00:27:28.549 None of that. No special fillings. That didn't happen. I mean, 672 00:27:29.049 --> 00:27:32.079 going to school in London, we felt that we were 673 00:27:32.170 --> 00:27:36.160 not part of that kind of super posh public school 674 00:27:36.259 --> 00:27:40.339 elite world. In fact, we looked down on those people. 675 00:27:40.619 --> 00:27:42.619 We made jokes about Etonians. 676 00:27:42.640 --> 00:27:43.519 Wow. 677 00:27:44.750 --> 00:27:47.109 How stuck up they were and how out of touch 678 00:27:47.130 --> 00:27:49.730 they were. We felt that we were just regular guys. 679 00:27:49.750 --> 00:27:50.950 You know, it didn't occur to us. 680 00:27:51.009 --> 00:27:52.619 You're like urban inner city kids. 681 00:27:53.059 --> 00:27:56.220 Yeah, exactly. Plus the uniform was different. You know, we 682 00:27:56.259 --> 00:27:59.400 didn't have to wear sort of tail coats and straw 683 00:27:59.480 --> 00:28:01.700 boaters and things like that. We just wore a black suit. 684 00:28:02.099 --> 00:28:04.920 So we looked like Reservoir Dogs wannabes, you know. 685 00:28:05.160 --> 00:28:07.730 And you were listening to like, I've read your book, 686 00:28:07.769 --> 00:28:09.970 which I loved. I realise I'm like telling you about 687 00:28:09.990 --> 00:28:13.089 your own childhood. But basically, you know, you say you're 688 00:28:13.130 --> 00:28:14.920 kind of, You thought you were urban and stuff, but 689 00:28:14.940 --> 00:28:18.039 you were watching films and you were getting stoned and, like, 690 00:28:18.819 --> 00:28:21.259 you know, you've made two very long-term friends there that 691 00:28:21.319 --> 00:28:23.859 we're aware of, like, still aware of, Joe Cornish and 692 00:28:24.400 --> 00:28:26.980 Louis Theroux. And so, like... Yeah. I look at that 693 00:28:27.000 --> 00:28:29.720 and I go, it seems like quite a fun, cool 694 00:28:29.759 --> 00:28:32.420 place with you guys hanging around. Were you the exceptions? 695 00:28:32.440 --> 00:28:33.079 Were you the rule? 696 00:28:33.900 --> 00:28:36.640 I think there was a lot of people there like that. 697 00:28:36.740 --> 00:28:39.500 It felt fun. It felt vibrant. After a while, it did. 698 00:28:39.559 --> 00:28:43.069 For the first year... It felt grim. I'd been at 699 00:28:43.109 --> 00:28:46.730 a co-ed boarding school and I really liked being around girls, 700 00:28:46.769 --> 00:28:49.150 you know, and I liked the fact that it kind 701 00:28:49.269 --> 00:28:53.009 of balances out the laddiness. And it's more kind of 702 00:28:53.150 --> 00:28:56.049 you can talk about your feelings without anyone kind of 703 00:28:56.210 --> 00:28:59.170 beating you up and things like that. So when I 704 00:28:59.230 --> 00:29:02.549 got to Westminster, which was all boys until the sixth form, 705 00:29:02.829 --> 00:29:04.670 it was a real shock and I didn't like it. 706 00:29:04.710 --> 00:29:07.390 And I didn't know how to talk about football and 707 00:29:07.549 --> 00:29:10.089 cars and all this stuff that these other boys were 708 00:29:10.130 --> 00:29:13.000 talking about. But then after a while, you know, after 709 00:29:13.039 --> 00:29:16.539 I met Joe and Louis and people like that, you know, 710 00:29:16.559 --> 00:29:19.079 I got lucky, basically. I fell in with that crowd 711 00:29:19.559 --> 00:29:23.700 and they were all very funny and motivated and cultured. 712 00:29:23.779 --> 00:29:27.750 And I just tagged along and we made films and 713 00:29:27.910 --> 00:29:31.789 put on plays. And I really, really lucked out, you know, 714 00:29:31.849 --> 00:29:34.009 but it's not the same for so many other children. 715 00:29:34.049 --> 00:29:37.369 I think now, especially looking at my own children, they're 716 00:29:37.430 --> 00:29:40.259 not having the same time at school that I did 717 00:29:40.380 --> 00:29:43.880 I don't think at all and sometimes it doesn't click 718 00:29:43.900 --> 00:29:46.180 in the least and they don't make any friends but 719 00:29:46.220 --> 00:29:49.109 I think everything happens a lot later for children nowadays 720 00:29:49.119 --> 00:29:51.970 don't you reckon like I think a 19 year old 721 00:29:52.089 --> 00:29:55.190 now is often kind of the equivalent of a 14 722 00:29:55.190 --> 00:29:57.150 year old when I was growing up in the 80s 723 00:29:57.609 --> 00:30:01.519 in what sense there's kind of an innocence right yeah 724 00:30:01.890 --> 00:30:05.960 that stays with children a lot longer yeah in certain 725 00:30:06.019 --> 00:30:08.519 ways obviously you got social media and things like that. 726 00:30:08.480 --> 00:30:11.920 Less independence i think physically online's different but like out 727 00:30:11.940 --> 00:30:14.039 and about when you're 13 you could go down the 728 00:30:14.059 --> 00:30:15.880 park on your own or 12 or whatever but now 729 00:30:16.200 --> 00:30:18.059 i think people are more wary of letting a kid 730 00:30:18.099 --> 00:30:19.460 especially in london go out on their. 731 00:30:19.400 --> 00:30:22.569 Own exactly exactly so we were left to our own 732 00:30:22.589 --> 00:30:27.450 devices and we had that independence that Being a boarder 733 00:30:27.529 --> 00:30:30.349 kind of instills, even though Joe Cornish, for example, was

734 00:30:30.430 --> 00:30:32.589 a day boy, he was more of a mysterious figure. 735 00:30:32.630 --> 00:30:34.690 He would disappear at the end of the day. But 736 00:30:34.730 --> 00:30:37.069 the rest of us were all banged up together, as 737 00:30:37.130 --> 00:30:40.730 it were, and would go on adventures and you kind 738 00:30:40.789 --> 00:30:44.029 of escape from cold hits and you sneak out after 739 00:30:44.069 --> 00:30:48.430 hours and wander around London and go to arcades and 740 00:30:48.559 --> 00:30:51.960 go boozing. And it was good fun in that way. 741 00:30:52.220 --> 00:30:55.180 And would you have considered ever sending your children to 742 00:30:55.220 --> 00:30:55.779 boarding school? 743 00:30:56.190 --> 00:30:58.930 No, not for a second, because I think what you 744 00:30:59.049 --> 00:31:02.529 lose is pretty significant. For me, I think the thing 745 00:31:02.670 --> 00:31:06.019 I lost was a close relationship with my parents. The 746 00:31:06.119 --> 00:31:08.839 older I got, the more I regretted it, and the 747 00:31:08.890 --> 00:31:13.440 more I envied friends of mine who had different, quotes, 748 00:31:13.759 --> 00:31:17.599 more normal relationships with their parents. I never understood people 749 00:31:17.640 --> 00:31:20.359 who phoned up their mum every day and things like that. 750 00:31:20.380 --> 00:31:21.759 You know, it's like I spoke to my mum a 751 00:31:22.259 --> 00:31:25.970 couple of times a year in my 20s. Blimey. not 752 00:31:26.009 --> 00:31:27.849 very often at all you know I'd seen them actually 753 00:31:27.869 --> 00:31:30.890 I'm exaggerating I'd see them at family occasions and definitely 754 00:31:30.910 --> 00:31:33.789 at Christmas which I always look forward to but there 755 00:31:33.829 --> 00:31:37.359 was definitely not a closeness there yeah which I really 756 00:31:37.430 --> 00:31:41.190 regretted and I do blame that on boarding school and 757 00:31:41.210 --> 00:31:41.700 what do you. 758 00:31:41.579 --> 00:31:44.380 Do with your kids to kind of readdress that do 759 00:31:44.400 --> 00:31:46.240 you feel like you've got a much closer relationship with 760 00:31:46.259 --> 00:31:48.059 your kids than you had with your parents. 761 00:31:48.289 --> 00:31:50.009 What I do to make up for that is I 762 00:31:50.289 --> 00:31:54.059 smother my children with my creepy attempts to be their 763 00:31:54.119 --> 00:31:57.980 best friend. And I stunt their emotional growth by keeping 764 00:31:58.000 --> 00:32:01.690 them far too close to me and telling them I 765 00:32:01.750 --> 00:32:06.210 love them all the time. So that any semblance of 766 00:32:06.289 --> 00:32:09.170 independence is completely squeezed. 767 00:32:08.750 --> 00:32:09.130 Out of them. 768 00:32:10.089 --> 00:32:12.450 But imagine that for the 19-year-old who's at uni now. 769 00:32:12.890 --> 00:32:14.619 You're cool. You're a cool dad. 770 00:32:14.690 --> 00:32:16.519 You're like, you know, you're in the public eye, but 771 00:32:16.559 --> 00:32:19.000 you do a cool podcast and your shows are sort 772 00:32:19.039 --> 00:32:21.380 of like they sort of come back as like cult 773 00:32:21.400 --> 00:32:23.180 hits almost, even though they were on telly years and 774 00:32:23.359 --> 00:32:25.720 years ago, those ones with Adam and Joe stuff. 775 00:32:25.740 --> 00:32:27.519 So has he mentioned any of that to you? Has 776 00:32:27.539 --> 00:32:28.460 that been brought up at uni? 777 00:32:28.480 --> 00:32:30.240 Because Adam and Joe is sort of one of the 778 00:32:30.529 --> 00:32:33.309 quintessential sort of, they're the people you get into at uni, 779 00:32:33.450 --> 00:32:34.829 I found. I don't know if it's because I'm older now, 780 00:32:34.890 --> 00:32:37.369 but are you getting any feedback from your eldest? 781 00:32:38.250 --> 00:32:38.690 No. 782 00:32:39.410 --> 00:32:39.569 No. 783 00:32:39.589 --> 00:32:42.859 LAUGHTER Are you a cool guy? 784 00:32:42.880 --> 00:32:44.099 Do you ever say to him, hey, I'm a cool 785 00:32:44.140 --> 00:32:45.480 guy and I'm your dad? 786 00:32:45.740 --> 00:32:48.960 He thinks I'm cool. Yeah, he likes what I do. 787 00:32:49.079 --> 00:32:52.660 And sometimes sometimes I worry about that as well. I 788 00:32:52.720 --> 00:32:57.680 basically I worry about every single thing in parenting. Oh, 789 00:32:57.880 --> 00:33:02.269 I just don't have this basically tiny little windows that. 790 00:33:02.630 --> 00:33:05.680 of confidence when you think, oh, actually, I'm pretty nice 791 00:33:05.759 --> 00:33:09.460 and I'm a pretty good parent. But 98% of the time, 792 00:33:09.519 --> 00:33:11.359 and I was talking to Guz Khan about this when 793 00:33:11.380 --> 00:33:13.160 he came on to my podcast, and I kind of 794 00:33:13.220 --> 00:33:17.630 explained to him how I feel, just diffident and anxious 795 00:33:17.769 --> 00:33:20.910 and scared that maybe I should never have had children. 796 00:33:20.930 --> 00:33:22.670 I've just brought these people into the world so I 797 00:33:22.710 --> 00:33:27.529 can screw them up and extend... universal unhappiness a bit further. 798 00:33:27.589 --> 00:33:29.029 And Gus just looked at me and he was like, 799 00:33:29.289 --> 00:33:29.759 fuck it out. 800 00:33:29.789 --> 00:33:31.670 That is not. 801 00:33:32.339 --> 00:33:34.000 You should just chill out. He's like, well, if I 802 00:33:34.039 --> 00:33:35.220 get to the end of the day and they're all 803 00:33:35.259 --> 00:33:36.700 still alive, it's jobs are good. 804 00:33:36.720 --> 00:33:37.640 Yeah. 805 00:33:38.359 --> 00:33:40.390 Actually, that is the best way to look at it. 806 00:33:40.519 --> 00:33:43.859 And I'm making out like I'm in existential turmoil the 807 00:33:43.880 --> 00:33:44.220 whole time. 808 00:33:44.269 --> 00:33:44.609 I'm not. 809 00:33:44.619 --> 00:33:46.049 And there's many, many happy moments. 810 00:33:46.089 --> 00:33:46.609 And I love. 811 00:33:46.630 -->

00:33:47.930 I think you are a bit, aren't you, Adam? 812 00:33:47.990 --> 00:33:48.349 Yeah. 813 00:33:49.190 --> 00:33:52.990 I mean, definitely a fair bit, yeah. There are definitely 814 00:33:53.009 --> 00:33:55.910 a lot of moments where I do just think, oh, 815 00:33:55.930 --> 00:33:56.990 I'm not cut out for this. 816 00:33:57.250 --> 00:33:59.650 How did you cope when they were little then, Adam? Now, obviously, 817 00:33:59.670 --> 00:34:02.900 it's slightly different worries. You know, essentially, 19-year-olds are grown up. 818 00:34:03.319 --> 00:34:04.940 How did you deal with them when they were little 819 00:34:05.000 --> 00:34:07.660 and they had a temperature and not well before they 820 00:34:07.680 --> 00:34:08.980 could communicate and stuff like that? 821 00:34:09.119 --> 00:34:10.940 Was that difficult? No. 822 00:34:11.199 --> 00:34:13.099 Actually, it was easier when they could. 823 00:34:13.119 --> 00:34:13.300 Fuck, fuck. 824 00:34:13.320 --> 00:34:19.059 Before they could communicate... It was easier because it was 825 00:34:19.099 --> 00:34:21.840 very one way, you know, and you could indulge your 826 00:34:21.900 --> 00:34:25.409 fantasies of being a fun dad, which that was the 827 00:34:25.449 --> 00:34:28.250 thing for me. I was talked into having children. Basically, 828 00:34:28.269 --> 00:34:30.570 it was not something I ever imagined I would do. 829 00:34:30.590 --> 00:34:31.030 Yeah. 830 00:34:31.269 --> 00:34:34.449 My son now and a lot of his friends as well. 831 00:34:34.800 --> 00:34:36.699 Very few of them want to have children. I don't 832 00:34:36.719 --> 00:34:38.099 know if that's a generational thing. 833 00:34:38.409 --> 00:34:38.630 Yeah. 834 00:34:38.789 --> 00:34:40.929 But I was like that when I was younger. I 835 00:34:40.969 --> 00:34:42.960 just thought, no, where am I going to have children? 836 00:34:43.000 --> 00:34:47.059 That's clearly a terrible idea. Way too much work. And 837 00:34:47.079 --> 00:34:49.280 I'm not the kind of person that would probably do 838 00:34:49.320 --> 00:34:51.539 a good job of it. But then I met my 839 00:34:51.579 --> 00:34:55.760 beautiful wife. And in the euphoria of getting to know 840 00:34:55.840 --> 00:34:58.610 her and then getting married and just building this new 841 00:34:58.659 --> 00:35:02.309 life together, when she suggested having children, I just said, yeah, 842 00:35:02.769 --> 00:35:03.349 that'll be fun. 843 00:35:03.570 --> 00:35:04.010 Good job. 844 00:35:04.639 --> 00:35:07.750 And I understood, I swear to you, that we had 845 00:35:07.809 --> 00:35:11.389 had a conversation. And she said, don't worry, I'll do 846 00:35:11.429 --> 00:35:14.050 all the work. You carry on pissing about and doing 847 00:35:14.090 --> 00:35:17.769 whatever you do for your so-called career. I promise you, 848 00:35:17.789 --> 00:35:23.699 we had that conversation. She says we definitely did it. Anyway, 849 00:35:23.820 --> 00:35:27.719 so we had children. And for the first few years, 850 00:35:28.039 --> 00:35:31.019 it more or less worked out the way I imagined. Sure, 851 00:35:31.059 --> 00:35:34.889 it was definitely way more work than I expected. I 852 00:35:34.949 --> 00:35:40.949 was shocked by that feeling of permanent exhaustion and immediately 853 00:35:41.010 --> 00:35:45.150 started fantasizing about things that I used to do, like 854 00:35:45.269 --> 00:35:48.869 just sitting down for a while and doing nothing. I 855 00:35:48.889 --> 00:35:53.010 think I'm just going to sit down and watch TV 856 00:35:53.030 --> 00:35:55.210 for an hour or so. I might play a video 857 00:35:55.250 --> 00:35:57.690 game for a while. Now I'm just going to go out. 858 00:35:58.599 --> 00:36:00.760 And see a film on my own or all that 859 00:36:00.780 --> 00:36:02.599 sort of stuff. You suddenly think, oh, I can't do 860 00:36:02.639 --> 00:36:05.039 that anymore. And it's quite a nasty shock. I hadn't 861 00:36:05.059 --> 00:36:05.980 really thought about it. 862 00:36:06.320 --> 00:36:07.340 How old's your youngest? 863 00:36:07.739 --> 00:36:10.070 My youngest now is 13. 864 00:36:10.070 --> 00:36:11.969 So you're getting to that stage where in a couple 865 00:36:11.989 --> 00:36:13.969 of years, you know, she's not far off like getting 866 00:36:13.989 --> 00:36:16.730 a Saturday job or whatever. Like, do you find yourself 867 00:36:16.769 --> 00:36:18.449 twiddling your thumbs a bit on weekends or is it 868 00:36:18.489 --> 00:36:20.610 still busy with them taking them places? 869 00:36:20.789 --> 00:36:21.840 You're just a cab driver now. 870 00:36:22.260 --> 00:36:22.489 Yeah. 871 00:36:22.570 --> 00:36:25.579 Well, to be honest, my wife is the primary cab driver. 872 00:36:25.900 --> 00:36:26.079 Yeah. 873 00:36:26.519 --> 00:36:31.019 She has instilled in them a love of sport. That 874 00:36:31.079 --> 00:36:33.320 is not something that was ever a part of my 875 00:36:33.380 --> 00:36:35.199 life when I was growing up. In fact, me and 876 00:36:35.280 --> 00:36:39.420 Joe kind of existed in opposition to the sporty people. 877 00:36:39.539 --> 00:36:42.760 They were our enemies. We were like the Eastheats going 878 00:36:42.880 --> 00:36:46.489 off and seeing movies and listening to music and reading 879 00:36:46.570 --> 00:36:51.380 poetry to each other and playing Soaky Biscuit. But the 880 00:36:51.400 --> 00:36:54.679 sport guys, they were to be avoided at all costs. Mainly, 881 00:36:54.719 --> 00:36:57.239 it must be said, because we were shit at sport. 882 00:36:57.480 --> 00:37:00.000 And so we just didn't want anything to do with them. 883 00:37:00.059 --> 00:37:02.539 But my daughter is really good. In fact, all the 884 00:37:02.579 --> 00:37:04.900 boys are quite good, although they haven't really stuck with it. 885 00:37:05.530 --> 00:37:07.690 I say all the boys, the other two. But my 886 00:37:07.769 --> 00:37:11.610 daughter is great. So she plays everything like netball and 887

00:37:11.730 --> 00:37:15.480 hockey and cricket and basketball. All this stuff. And so 888 00:37:15.800 --> 00:37:19.250 every weekend, it drives me slightly nuts, actually. She's off 889 00:37:19.289 --> 00:37:19.849 doing that. 890 00:37:20.150 --> 00:37:20.889 Do you go and watch? 891 00:37:21.210 --> 00:37:23.829 I watch sometimes, but not that often. 892 00:37:24.730 --> 00:37:26.949 Have you got into it? Because she's doing it. 893 00:37:26.989 --> 00:37:29.329 Or is it still, as much as you enjoy your 894 00:37:29.369 --> 00:37:31.030 daughter doing well and enjoying. 895 00:37:30.760 --> 00:37:33.340 Herself, you're just like, I don't like this sport. 896 00:37:35.139 --> 00:37:43.940 It's mainly that, yeah. Especially cricket. Yeah. I mean, that 897 00:37:44.000 --> 00:37:47.559 is just the worst. Absolutely terrible stuff. 898 00:37:47.699 --> 00:37:51.599 Absolutely terrible stuff. A brutal way to describe. 899 00:37:51.900 --> 00:37:54.619 Also, as well, imagine if your daughter's waiting to go 900 00:37:54.679 --> 00:37:58.230 in bat. You're literally just watching strange children play while 901 00:37:58.250 --> 00:37:59.389 your daughter's on the sideline. 902 00:37:59.409 --> 00:38:00.769 She might not be on the pitch. 903 00:38:01.230 --> 00:38:05.289 Netball, however, amazing. Really good. I loved watching her play that. 904 00:38:05.469 --> 00:38:11.090 And she's fantastic. She's so much the opposite of what 905 00:38:11.269 --> 00:38:15.210 I was and am in so many ways. It's amazing. 906 00:38:15.269 --> 00:38:18.250 I mean, all the children have qualities that I really 907 00:38:18.630 --> 00:38:21.489 admire and envy, and it makes me happy whenever I 908 00:38:21.550 --> 00:38:23.949 see them being good at that sort of stuff. But 909 00:38:24.050 --> 00:38:28.650 she's amazing. She has self-control and, you know, we play 910 00:38:28.690 --> 00:38:32.400 video games and she'll say, OK, that's enough. I've got 911 00:38:32.440 --> 00:38:35.199 some work to do now. I'm like, who, where the 912 00:38:35.360 --> 00:38:39.719 hell did you come from? Because I'm like, come on, 913 00:38:39.739 --> 00:38:40.840 we can play one more. 914 00:38:40.920 --> 00:38:42.460 How much work have you got to do? You don't 915 00:38:42.480 --> 00:38:43.460 have to do any work. 916 00:38:43.699 --> 00:38:46.659 Do me a favour. You're 13. Play some more video 917 00:38:46.699 --> 00:38:48.780 games with me. I want to play video games now. 918 00:38:49.380 --> 00:38:50.900 It's that sort of dynamic. 919 00:38:51.199 --> 00:38:55.550 You live in Norfolk. I presume you lived in London originally. 920 00:38:55.610 --> 00:38:57.869 So did you move out because of the kids? 921 00:38:58.570 --> 00:39:02.929 Yeah. When we had... Our third child, our daughter. That 922 00:39:02.989 --> 00:39:07.429 was the deal. My wife morally blackmailed me. And she 923 00:39:07.489 --> 00:39:09.869 said at one point, like, I just thought, you know, 924 00:39:09.909 -->

00:39:12.269 I couldn't believe that we'd had two children. I was like, wow, 925 00:39:12.309 --> 00:39:14.570 look at us. We've got two children. This is ridiculous. 926 00:39:15.150 --> 00:39:16.829 And I thought, well, we're definitely going to stop there. 927 00:39:17.590 --> 00:39:19.769 And she said, no, no, I really want to have 928 00:39:19.789 --> 00:39:24.789 a third child. I was like, are you joking? Oh, 929 00:39:24.849 --> 00:39:29.170 my God. We were just coming through the tunnel. now 930 00:39:29.210 --> 00:39:31.650 you want to just plunge us right back in I 931 00:39:32.389 --> 00:39:35.110 said okay but if we do then let's move out 932 00:39:35.159 --> 00:39:37.739 of London because there's no point in being in London 933 00:39:37.760 --> 00:39:40.719 we're not going out we don't see anyone we don't 934 00:39:40.760 --> 00:39:43.360 get to have any fun let's at least just go 935 00:39:43.400 --> 00:39:45.880 into the country so I can just have some space 936 00:39:46.000 --> 00:39:48.219 and you know, wander around the fields. 937 00:39:48.480 --> 00:39:49.980 Had you always wanted to live in the country? 938 00:39:50.239 --> 00:39:51.900 Yeah, I think so. I grew up in the country, 939 00:39:51.940 --> 00:39:55.840 in Wales, and my dad always loved walking and being 940 00:39:55.860 --> 00:39:58.869 in the countryside, and it rubbed off on me. And also, 941 00:39:58.929 --> 00:40:01.210 I just like the idea of having a lot more space, 942 00:40:01.250 --> 00:40:04.760 you know. We live in a farmhouse now. that's surrounded 943 00:40:04.840 --> 00:40:07.480 by barns and I just like having these big spaces 944 00:40:07.519 --> 00:40:09.780 that I could fuck around in and hang up a 945 00:40:09.820 --> 00:40:13.280 big green screen and do video stuff and try things 946 00:40:13.409 --> 00:40:15.809 out you know get a drum kit things like that. 947 00:40:15.969 --> 00:40:17.590 Where was you in London then was you right in 948 00:40:17.630 --> 00:40:18.570 the center. 949 00:40:18.409 --> 00:40:21.150 Yeah we were in Stockwell all right yeah I grew 950 00:40:21.210 --> 00:40:23.469 up in South London so that I liked that part 951 00:40:23.489 --> 00:40:26.289 of the world But it was a long way from 952 00:40:26.349 --> 00:40:29.869 all the yummy mummies up in North London. That's where 953 00:40:30.210 --> 00:40:32.150 my wife would have preferred that we were. 954 00:40:32.530 --> 00:40:33.050 Oh, really? 955 00:40:33.349 --> 00:40:35.010 So did she not want to move out then? Was 956 00:40:35.030 --> 00:40:35.610 that more you? 957 00:40:35.909 --> 00:40:37.909 No, she was cool with moving out because we ended 958 00:40:37.969 --> 00:40:40.880 up moving quite close to where she grew up in Norfolk. 959 00:40:41.219 --> 00:40:43.159 She's from this part of the world. That's why we 960 00:40:43.199 --> 00:40:45.969 ended up here. So we were close to her folks 961 00:40:46.070 --> 00:40:47.190 and it made sense. 962 00:40:47.210 --> 00:40:48.570 Does Joe Cornish got kids? 963 00:40:48.909 --> 00:40:50.690 He does. He's got a daughter now. 964 00:40:50.750 --> 00:40:52.969 Because he's obviously one of your best friends. It's weird 965 00:40:52.989 --> 00:40:55.260 when your friends don't have kids at the same time. 966 00:40:55.429 --> 00:40:57.420 So it's a bit of an age gap between your kids. 967 00:40:57.679 --> 00:41:00.940 Yeah, massive age gap. His daughter is only just about two. 968 00:41:01.239 --> 00:41:01.960 Oh, wow. 969 00:41:02.199 --> 00:41:04.420 So it's so weird when your friends are going through 970 00:41:04.460 --> 00:41:05.639 different things to you. 971 00:41:06.179 --> 00:41:07.039 Yeah, it is odd. 972 00:41:07.460 --> 00:41:09.800 Although it's nice. It's nice to see the effect that 973 00:41:09.840 --> 00:41:12.300 it's having on him, you know, because it can't help 974 00:41:12.420 --> 00:41:14.820 but take some of the edges off a person, don't 975 00:41:14.840 --> 00:41:15.219 you reckon? 976 00:41:15.320 --> 00:41:19.579 Yeah. So you're just a sack of a man. 977 00:41:19.599 --> 00:41:22.420 A ball sack of a man. 978 00:41:23.860 --> 00:41:27.219 That must be mad watching someone start, so your daughter 979 00:41:27.239 --> 00:41:28.519 would have been 11 or whatever at that point, and 980 00:41:28.539 --> 00:41:31.659 you're watching someone go from the moment of having a baby. 981 00:41:31.679 --> 00:41:33.800 Do you even relate to that now? Do you know 982 00:41:33.820 --> 00:41:35.070 what I mean? Does it feel like a completely different 983 00:41:35.110 --> 00:41:35.739 part of your life? 984 00:41:36.510 --> 00:41:39.909 I suppose it feels a little bit like having grandchildren. Yeah. 985 00:41:41.550 --> 00:41:45.420 enough time has gone by that i forget the worst 986 00:41:45.539 --> 00:41:48.579 aspects of having children that age and i just think 987 00:41:48.599 --> 00:41:53.360 oh sweet but nothing about it personally makes me want 988 00:41:53.400 --> 00:41:55.639 to go back and have more for my wife i 989 00:41:55.760 --> 00:41:58.489 think she sees that sort of stuff and she goes 990 00:41:58.610 --> 00:42:00.670 oh i wish we could have one more yeah fine 991 00:42:00.690 --> 00:42:03.760 uh I don't think so. 992 00:42:03.940 --> 00:42:05.719 I don't really enjoy the baby stage. I like it 993 00:42:05.739 --> 00:42:08.280 when they're sort of toddling around 18 months. But that 994 00:42:08.340 --> 00:42:10.460 first zero to 18 months, I don't look back with 995 00:42:10.559 --> 00:42:11.980 any nostalgia, really. 996 00:42:12.019 --> 00:42:12.440 It's tough. 997 00:42:12.860 --> 00:42:17.510 No. The very first few weeks, I remember that being magical, 998 00:42:17.670 --> 00:42:23.610 like dreamlike and wonderful. But then when the reality kicks in, 999 00:42:23.789 --> 00:42:27.030 especially when they get ill, like our first son had 1000 00:42:27.389 --> 00:42:30.349 quite a lot of health problems when he was younger. Yeah.

Also, 1001 00:42:30.389 --> 00:42:33.019 I was away for about 10 weeks. Me and Joe 1002 00:42:33.039 --> 00:42:35.980 went to Japan to do a TV show for BBC 1003 00:42:36.019 --> 00:42:38.340 Three out there. And my wife had to deal with 1004 00:42:38.380 --> 00:42:41.050 all this stuff on her own. And I felt really 1005 00:42:41.139 --> 00:42:44.949 bad and worried. because he was in and out of hospital. 1006 00:42:45.250 --> 00:42:47.750 It was just grim, that part of it. 1007 00:42:47.929 --> 00:42:48.329 Yeah. 1008 00:42:48.630 --> 00:42:51.530 Even before he started getting ill, it was like, you're 1009 00:42:51.550 --> 00:42:53.920 just trying to keep them alive and you're just, your 1010 00:42:53.980 --> 00:42:58.280 brain is cycling through all these catastrophic scenarios, like, you know, 1011 00:42:58.320 --> 00:43:00.559 carrying him down the stairs in my arms. And I'm thinking, 1012 00:43:00.760 --> 00:43:03.380 I might trip any second. And if I trip, I'll 1013 00:43:03.500 --> 00:43:07.469 tumble down the stairs and I'll completely break this child. 1014 00:43:07.800 --> 00:43:10.190 Oh, that's what goes through my mind completely. That is 1015 00:43:10.309 --> 00:43:11.570 exactly my inner monologue. 1016 00:43:11.929 --> 00:43:14.369 It's awful. And you just scroll through the rest of 1017 00:43:14.409 --> 00:43:18.679 your life after that had happened. And it's just appalling. 1018 00:43:18.719 --> 00:43:21.420 I mean, I think it's the mind's kind of self-defense 1019 00:43:21.500 --> 00:43:24.900 mechanism of just keeping you on your toes, reminding you 1020 00:43:24.940 --> 00:43:26.880 of all the terrible things that could happen if you're 1021 00:43:26.920 --> 00:43:30.440 not careful, you know. But it is so exhausting and 1022 00:43:30.519 --> 00:43:34.119 scary and unpleasant. So, yeah, when they start getting a 1023 00:43:34.139 --> 00:43:38.780 little more robust and then, miraculously, when they start communicating 1024 00:43:38.840 --> 00:43:40.019 with you, then it gets a. 1025 00:43:40.679 --> 00:43:41.460 Lot more fun. 1026 00:43:41.500 --> 00:43:41.739 Yeah. 1027 00:43:42.159 --> 00:43:44.619 I think we're needy and need feedback. That's why this 1028 00:43:44.880 --> 00:43:45.420 is our job. 1029 00:43:45.579 --> 00:43:48.500 Yeah, it's three people that thrive on interaction, I suppose, 1030 00:43:48.539 --> 00:43:49.139 to an extent. 1031 00:43:49.400 --> 00:43:51.480 Yeah, well, maybe that's men as well, though, isn't it? 1032 00:43:51.480 --> 00:43:53.820 It's a weird thing for... I mean, I don't want 1033 00:43:53.840 --> 00:43:56.059 to generalise too much, and I'm sure there's a lot 1034 00:43:56.079 --> 00:43:57.059 more to it than this, but. 1035 00:43:57.340 --> 00:43:59.530 Just generalise away. I just accused you and all your 1036 00:43:59.570 --> 00:44:00.659 mates of wanking on biscuits. 1037 00:44:02.099 --> 00:44:04.949 No, but there's got to be some fundamental things going 1038 00:44:05.159 --> 00:44:09.269 on between men and women and the difference that it 1039 00:44:09.349 --> 00:44:13.349 makes if you're a woman and you've given birth to something, 1040 00:44:13.789 --> 00:44:16.889 the difference that that makes to your whole philosophy. You 1041 00:44:16.909 --> 00:44:18.989 know what I mean? Like for a man to never 1042 00:44:19.050 --> 00:44:22.940 be able to have that experience. I just think it's 1043 00:44:23.099 --> 00:44:25.099 got to be part of the reason why so many 1044 00:44:25.179 --> 00:44:30.650 men are fixated on their careers and with some spurious 1045 00:44:30.730 --> 00:44:35.320 notion of a legacy and being remembered and all this 1046 00:44:35.380 --> 00:44:36.159 kind of bullshit. 1047 00:44:36.260 --> 00:44:37.980 Legacy is the biggest shit of all time. 1048 00:44:38.000 --> 00:44:39.739 What's the point of working towards something that you'll never 1049 00:44:39.780 --> 00:44:40.440 be there for? 1050 00:44:40.780 --> 00:44:45.519 Well, exactly, exactly. And far more valuable is bringing a 1051 00:44:45.559 --> 00:44:48.159 life into the world and giving it a good start 1052 00:44:48.360 --> 00:44:51.760 and turning that person into someone who enjoys being alive 1053 00:44:51.800 --> 00:44:53.659 and makes the world better for other people as well, 1054 00:44:53.699 --> 00:44:53.960 you know. 1055 00:44:54.039 --> 00:44:56.739 And it's a physical, hormonal, actual thing when, you know, 1056 00:44:56.860 --> 00:44:58.780 a lady has a baby or has a bloke. It's 1057 00:44:58.800 --> 00:45:00.840 sort of you're there while it's happening, but it's not 1058 00:45:00.880 --> 00:45:02.719 your body. You know, it's not coming out of you. 1059 00:45:03.059 --> 00:45:07.639 No, exactly. Unless you're Arnold Schwarzenegger in that documentary. 1060 00:45:09.019 --> 00:45:09.219 Yeah. 1061 00:45:10.119 --> 00:45:10.320 Right. 1062 00:45:10.360 --> 00:45:11.579 I think it's really underrated. 1063 00:45:12.809 --> 00:45:16.170 How are you with teenagers and talking to them? Because 1064 00:45:16.190 --> 00:45:19.769 you're very open and you're very kind of honest about 1065 00:45:19.809 --> 00:45:22.429 how you're feeling. Do you manage to communicate to your 1066 00:45:22.469 --> 00:45:25.199 teenagers in that way? Like obviously all the things that 1067 00:45:25.219 --> 00:45:28.320 teenagers go through, relationships or having to chat to them 1068 00:45:28.360 --> 00:45:31.159 about drugs or whatever. How are you with stuff like that? 1069 00:45:31.730 --> 00:45:33.869 I'm very happy to talk to them about it. But again, 1070 00:45:33.909 --> 00:45:36.909 you know, the worry is there's always a worry. And 1071 00:45:36.949 --> 00:45:40.030 the worry is that you don't want to go too far. 1072 00:45:40.449 --> 00:45:43.650 I was saying before about what my son thinks of me. 1073 00:45:43.690 --> 00:45:46.570 You know, we get on great and we have a 1074 00:45:46.610 --> 00:45:48.809 lovely time. We went to see a band

the other day. 1075 00:45:48.869 --> 00:45:52.719 We saw Johnny Greenwood's new band, The Smile in London. 1076 00:45:52.940 --> 00:45:54.559 And then I bet you could introduce him to Johnny 1077 00:45:54.579 --> 00:45:56.900 Greenwood as well, which must be big points, right? 1078 00:45:57.340 --> 00:46:00.730 Yeah, it's exciting to be able to show him that 1079 00:46:00.909 --> 00:46:04.590 life and reap the rewards of my career such as 1080 00:46:04.630 --> 00:46:07.590 it is. And we had such a great evening and 1081 00:46:07.610 --> 00:46:10.510 it was like, wow, this is exactly what I imagined 1082 00:46:10.989 --> 00:46:13.809 like the best of being a dad would be, you know, 1083 00:46:13.909 --> 00:46:17.230 to share these kinds of enthusiasms and good times with 1084 00:46:17.409 --> 00:46:20.769 with my son. But the whole thing of being your 1085 00:46:20.829 --> 00:46:23.829 son's best friend is a weird thing. Like with my dad, 1086 00:46:24.130 --> 00:46:26.869 it was not that at all. It was like, well, 1087 00:46:26.889 --> 00:46:29.219 you don't want to be best friends with your children 1088 00:46:29.260 --> 00:46:33.039 because there's all sorts of drawbacks. It's much harder to 1089 00:46:33.579 --> 00:46:37.300 create boundaries. It's much harder for them to establish a 1090 00:46:37.340 --> 00:46:41.519 sense of independence. It's quite useful sometimes. Whether you love 1091 00:46:41.559 --> 00:46:43.519 your parents or not, you go through a stage of 1092 00:46:43.880 --> 00:46:47.460 pushing against them and thinking that they're twats and wanting 1093 00:46:47.500 --> 00:46:49.219 to be on your own and wanting to do the 1094 00:46:49.260 --> 00:46:51.900 opposite of what they want to do, you know. But 1095 00:46:52.360 --> 00:46:55.070 it is heartbreaking as a parent if you do want 1096 00:46:55.530 --> 00:46:57.710 your children close to you, to see them do that, 1097 00:46:57.730 --> 00:46:58.789 to see them pull away. 1098 00:46:59.210 --> 00:47:00.610 I just can see my future. 1099 00:47:00.730 --> 00:47:02.409 He's drawing you into the worry womb. 1100 00:47:02.750 --> 00:47:05.250 So many of the things just go, I'm just like, oh, yeah, 1101 00:47:05.269 --> 00:47:07.469 I've lived that. I've lived that. That's my head. That's 1102 00:47:07.510 --> 00:47:09.789 my head. That's exactly what I go through. And then 1103 00:47:09.849 --> 00:47:11.190 I'm like, oh, and this is going to be the 1104 00:47:11.230 --> 00:47:11.929 teenage years. 1105 00:47:12.269 --> 00:47:14.469 You two shouldn't meet up without me or Ghaz Khan. 1106 00:47:14.489 --> 00:47:18.280 LAUGHTER At no point should you and probably me and 1107 00:47:18.300 --> 00:47:19.519 Gus Kahn shouldn't be left alone. 1108 00:47:19.639 --> 00:47:21.800 Between us, we can get a right level of how 1109 00:47:21.840 --> 00:47:22.820 we should be feeling. 1110 00:47:23.550 --> 00:47:25.829 That's for me. The primary worry is I don't want 1111 00:47:25.849 --> 00:47:30.869 to infect them with my overthinking bullshit. But at the 1112 00:47:30.929 --> 00:47:33.530 same time, what I do want to do is do 1113 00:47:33.550 --> 00:47:35.510 the things that my parents were never able to do 1114 00:47:35.550 --> 00:47:38.469 for me. So to talk to them straight about things 1115 00:47:38.510 --> 00:47:42.570 that really are important and to give them. a sense 1116 00:47:42.610 --> 00:47:44.489 that they can talk to me about all this stuff 1117 00:47:44.550 --> 00:47:47.210 rather than hide away. Like there was no way I 1118 00:47:47.250 --> 00:47:49.710 was ever going to talk to my parents about sex 1119 00:47:50.510 --> 00:47:53.510 or drugs or anything like that. I was like, no, 1120 00:47:53.530 --> 00:47:55.929 that's too embarrassing. And I just want to keep that 1121 00:47:55.989 --> 00:47:57.800 stuff to myself. And I want to go off and 1122 00:47:58.199 --> 00:48:00.920 be furtive and creep around and keep all of that 1123 00:48:01.000 --> 00:48:01.960 stuff secret. 1124 00:48:02.079 --> 00:48:03.760 Have you had to do any telling offs for your 1125 00:48:03.780 --> 00:48:06.869 teenage boy, especially the older teenagers coming in like drunk 1126 00:48:07.010 --> 00:48:09.869 or things like that or spending money or not paying 1127 00:48:09.909 --> 00:48:10.230 you back? 1128 00:48:10.250 --> 00:48:12.150 Has there been any big moments where you've had to 1129 00:48:12.489 --> 00:48:13.150 lay down the law? 1130 00:48:13.780 --> 00:48:18.300 There's been nothing totally catastrophic because I think most of 1131 00:48:18.320 --> 00:48:20.840 the time when they're in those situations, they know they 1132 00:48:20.880 --> 00:48:25.619 fucked up. And actually us being angry with them is 1133 00:48:25.699 --> 00:48:29.260 not what's needed. It's usually like, oh, man, you know, 1134 00:48:29.300 --> 00:48:32.780 because you feel bad for them. So you say, OK, well, 1135 00:48:33.219 --> 00:48:36.409 never mind. Don't do that again. You know, things went wrong, 1136 00:48:36.469 --> 00:48:37.969 not because they were malicious. 1137 00:48:38.329 --> 00:48:38.730 Yes. 1138 00:48:38.929 --> 00:48:42.690 But the times you get really upset and angry are 1139 00:48:43.030 --> 00:48:45.690 if you think that they've been unkind to someone else. 1140 00:48:46.090 --> 00:48:46.269 Yeah. 1141 00:48:46.349 --> 00:48:48.190 If you think that they've been one of those people 1142 00:48:48.250 --> 00:48:53.210 who were bullyish or just unkind or, you know, thoughtless 1143 00:48:53.230 --> 00:48:53.650 or whatever. 1144 00:48:53.929 --> 00:48:56.449 Faye Ripley's daughter ran up a bill of like, Was 1145 00:48:56.510 --> 00:48:58.550 it £ 1, 000 on Uber? £ 2, 000, yeah. Because she was. 1146 00:48:58.510 --> 00:49:00.170 Just getting Ubers to. 1147 00:49:00.150 --> 00:49:02.599 School and secretly did it, and then they got the bill, 1148 00:49:02.679 --> 00:49:04.940 and then Faye said, no, you can't go on holiday 1149

00:49:04.960 --> 00:49:07.599 with your friend now. She was like 16, 17, because 1150 00:49:07.820 --> 00:49:09.699 you need to pay that money back. So she cancelled 1151 00:49:09.719 --> 00:49:11.659 the holiday of her mate in like a month's time. 1152 00:49:11.960 --> 00:49:12.159 Whoa. 1153 00:49:12.179 --> 00:49:14.289 Which is like a big move that needed to be done, 1154 00:49:14.369 --> 00:49:16.590 I think. Obviously, you don't want to rub their nose 1155 00:49:16.610 --> 00:49:18.699 in it if they've done something bad, but you know 1156 00:49:18.719 --> 00:49:21.940 repercussions as it were community work kind of. 1157 00:49:21.860 --> 00:49:24.989 Stuff there's never been anything so catastrophic that it's had 1158 00:49:25.010 --> 00:49:26.809 to come to that i'm glad to say. 1159 00:49:26.750 --> 00:49:28.570 So you're implying basically you're a better parent than faye 1160 00:49:28.590 --> 00:49:29.409 ripley which i think i. 1161 00:49:29.349 --> 00:49:32.449 Agree on no no i think faye ripley's a good 1162 00:49:32.489 --> 00:49:35.559 parent i think that that to me that's the she's 1163 00:49:35.599 --> 00:49:39.519 doing the boundary setting that i'm probably too weak to 1164 00:49:39.579 --> 00:49:42.880 do um i don't know no i feel as if 1165 00:49:42.940 --> 00:49:45.019 i would i'd lay down the law i'd send them 1166 00:49:45.059 --> 00:49:46.900 to prison i'd you know i'd beat the shit out 1167 00:49:46.940 --> 00:49:50.210 of them if they did something really bad obviously. 1168 00:49:49.849 --> 00:49:51.550 Tie him up to a barn for the night just 1169 00:49:51.590 --> 00:49:53.769 so they know know who's boss Oh. 1170 00:49:53.670 --> 00:49:57.789 Man, it's much more like rudeness and things like that, 1171 00:49:57.829 --> 00:50:00.150 that I get really upset about, you know, it's just 1172 00:50:00.170 --> 00:50:05.000 sort of interpersonal skills. If they're not willing to look 1173 00:50:05.039 --> 00:50:07.639 me in the eye or give me a straight answer, 1174 00:50:07.659 --> 00:50:10.159 or if they're just sort of grumpy with me for 1175 00:50:10.219 --> 00:50:13.239 no particular reason that I can discern, that's when I 1176 00:50:13.300 --> 00:50:18.130 turn into a massive asshole and start saying, go to 1177 00:50:18.150 --> 00:50:20.750 your room and not anymore, but that's, that's what it 1178 00:50:20.809 --> 00:50:22.610 used to be like when they were younger. I was 1179 00:50:22.639 --> 00:50:25.449 just thinking about the things that used to be dangerous 1180 00:50:25.510 --> 00:50:29.929 as far as running up bills were apps that they're 1181 00:50:29.969 --> 00:50:32.550 free apps. But then it's like, do you want to 1182 00:50:32.630 --> 00:50:35.210 buy a sword for six quid and all this? 1183 00:50:35.309 --> 00:50:35.829 Gems. 1184 00:50:36.130 --> 00:50:36.690 Gems. 1185 00:50:36.750 --> 00:50:37.170 There you go. 1186 00:50:37.289 --> 00:50:40.989 Swords and gems. And actually, not my children, but one

1187 00:50:41.030 --> 00:50:44.369 of my best friends, his kid. He was using his 1188 00:50:44.469 --> 00:50:47.789 phone or something and basically was able to rack up 1189 00:50:48.389 --> 00:50:53.590 a sword and gems bill of £ 1, 600. Oh, my God. 1190 00:50:53.929 --> 00:50:55.690 Oh, my God. 1191 00:50:55.929 --> 00:50:56.570 Get out. 1192 00:50:56.829 --> 00:50:57.219 Yeah. 1193 00:50:57.760 --> 00:50:58.610 So many gems. 1194 00:50:59.019 --> 00:51:01.280 They didn't freak out because obviously it was clear that 1195 00:51:01.320 --> 00:51:04.400 the kid didn't know what was going on. And also 1196 00:51:04.519 --> 00:51:08.219 we both knew that the joy that this child must 1197 00:51:08.260 --> 00:51:10.059 have felt when it was like, oh, my God, I'm 1198 00:51:10.079 --> 00:51:11.579 just getting all this stuff for free. 1199 00:51:11.599 --> 00:51:12.099 This is great. 1200 00:51:14.440 --> 00:51:16.639 I can unlock anything. This is crazy. It must have 1201 00:51:16.659 --> 00:51:23.679 been the most intensely brilliant feeling until they realised, like, oh, shit, 1202 00:51:23.780 --> 00:51:27.570 this is real money. And that feeling must have been 1203 00:51:28.110 --> 00:51:31.070 equally and oppositely appalling. 1204 00:51:31.449 --> 00:51:32.349 Oh, my God. 1205 00:51:32.389 --> 00:51:35.329 So did the kid realise themselves and tell the dad? 1206 00:51:35.590 --> 00:51:35.789 Yeah. 1207 00:51:36.090 --> 00:51:37.929 And they came in and they were crying. 1208 00:51:38.670 --> 00:51:39.510 Oh, no. 1209 00:51:40.250 --> 00:51:42.239 They just thought, this is it. It's all over now. 1210 00:51:42.280 --> 00:51:44.860 I'm going to be killed. Oh, God. 1211 00:51:44.920 --> 00:51:47.159 That is absolutely brutal. 1212 00:51:47.179 --> 00:51:48.960 Oh, I'd hate that. That would be the worst feeling, 1213 00:51:48.980 --> 00:51:50.480 especially because the kid's so oblivious. 1214 00:51:50.639 --> 00:51:50.900 Yeah. 1215 00:51:51.199 --> 00:51:54.239 I think they were able to not pay the bill 1216 00:51:54.260 --> 00:51:56.079 or at least pay a much smaller bill. I think 1217 00:51:56.500 --> 00:51:57.699 they were able to get in touch. 1218 00:51:57.820 --> 00:52:01.730 No one's ever needed £ 1, 600 worth of gems. Do you 1219 00:52:01.789 --> 00:52:02.309 know what I mean? 1220 00:52:02.510 --> 00:52:03.449 Except Donald Trump. 1221 00:52:03.630 --> 00:52:06.349 It's like ordering, like, 2,000 bananas. 1222 00:52:06.630 --> 00:52:11.610 You know I didn't order them. I meant to put 20. 1223 00:52:12.150 --> 00:52:14.530 Exactly. You're supposed to get a call at that point 1224 00:52:14.590 --> 00:52:15.940 from the lord of the kingdom. 1225 00:52:16.340 --> 00:52:16.579 Yeah. 1226 00:52:17.199 --> 00:52:22.139 Suspicious activity of your gem purchasing. Welcome, kingdom dweller. However, 1227 00:52:22.179 --> 00:52:25.159 we couldn't help noticing you appear to have purchased more 1228 00:52:25.260 --> 00:52:27.920 gems and swords than

the ruler of this empire. 1229 00:52:29.489 --> 00:52:31.329 Did you mean to purchase them and do you have 1230 00:52:31.409 --> 00:52:34.329 the permission of your parents to do so? 1231 00:52:34.550 --> 00:52:36.929 How are you with phones? That's another thing which I 1232 00:52:36.969 --> 00:52:40.250 find like utterly terrifying, like phones and social media. 1233 00:52:40.889 --> 00:52:43.630 Oh man, I was watching something on BBC3 last night. 1234 00:52:43.670 --> 00:52:45.190 Did you see that show about Instagram? 1235 00:52:45.530 --> 00:52:45.989 No. 1236 00:52:46.010 --> 00:52:49.469 Oh my God. I mean, it is a total nightmare. 1237 00:52:49.769 --> 00:52:52.250 The thing is, as I was watching it, I was 1238 00:52:52.329 --> 00:52:56.289 thinking like... I do think the narrative about social media 1239 00:52:56.409 --> 00:52:59.269 is a little skewed in some ways. I do think 1240 00:52:59.309 --> 00:53:03.420 that there are positives and that it can be helpful 1241 00:53:03.860 --> 00:53:07.900 for certain people and certain marginalized groups. And maybe it's 1242 00:53:07.980 --> 00:53:11.780 even positive for forming certain friendships and things like that. 1243 00:53:12.239 --> 00:53:16.150 But it is impossible to ignore how horrific so much 1244 00:53:16.190 --> 00:53:18.449 of it is. And watching this show last night made 1245 00:53:18.489 --> 00:53:23.179 me so angry. These kind of poor people who had 1246 00:53:23.239 --> 00:53:28.150 been sucked into this bullshit on Instagram, who were changing 1247 00:53:28.369 --> 00:53:32.110 and damaging their bodies in order to live up to 1248 00:53:32.289 --> 00:53:35.530 the expectations of what they thought everyone else was getting 1249 00:53:35.570 --> 00:53:36.030 involved with. 1250 00:53:36.150 --> 00:53:38.309 Oh, the Instagram effect. Is that what it's called? 1251 00:53:38.530 --> 00:53:39.730 I think that's what it was. I didn't watch the 1252 00:53:39.750 --> 00:53:42.230 whole thing. And, you know, it was this woman who'd 1253 00:53:42.309 --> 00:53:47.460 had surgery to enlarge her arse. They'd done liposuction on 1254 00:53:47.539 --> 00:53:50.449 her tummy and stuck it into her bum because she 1255 00:53:50.530 --> 00:53:53.289 thought that. or the big wiggly bum was the thing 1256 00:53:53.329 --> 00:53:55.469 to have on Instagram. And she thought that would boost 1257 00:53:55.590 --> 00:53:59.840 her numbers. And then, and her logic was big bums 1258 00:53:59.900 --> 00:54:02.760 are in. So I'm going to get big bum surgery 1259 00:54:02.920 --> 00:54:05.960 and then I'll get better numbers. And then that will 1260 00:54:06.079 --> 00:54:09.300 make me a more successful influencer. And then when I 1261 00:54:09.360 --> 00:54:12.340 have children, I'll be able to take care of them better. 1262 00:54:12.659 --> 00:54:15.730 And I just thought, no disrespect, but I've spotted a 1263 00:54:15.769 --> 00:54:19.650 number of flaws in your logic stream. And yeah, The 1264 00:54:19.730 --> 00:54:23.929 first flaw for her, sadly, was that her surgery was 1265 00:54:24.030 --> 00:54:26.650 a total nightmare and didn't work out well for her 1266 00:54:26.690 --> 00:54:29.050 at all. She had all sorts of health related issues. 1267 00:54:29.670 --> 00:54:32.730 And all of this stuff is juxtaposed with these interviews 1268 00:54:32.750 --> 00:54:36.510 with these fucking guys, these sort of hipsters from California 1269 00:54:37.030 --> 00:54:40.460 who developed all this software and all the algorithms that 1270 00:54:40.519 --> 00:54:44.019 make it incredibly addictive. And they've all got their absolutely perfect, 1271 00:54:44.079 --> 00:54:47.489 neat little haircuts and To do them credit, they were 1272 00:54:47.530 --> 00:54:50.260 sort of saying, yeah, we didn't think hard enough about 1273 00:54:50.840 --> 00:54:53.659 how this was going to pan out for actual real users. 1274 00:54:53.719 --> 00:54:54.039 Yeah. 1275 00:54:54.320 --> 00:54:56.949 Who maybe didn't have the kind of upbringing that we 1276 00:54:57.030 --> 00:55:01.440 did or... you know, different pressures. So they're thinking about 1277 00:55:01.480 --> 00:55:04.019 it now, but then none of them thought about it 1278 00:55:04.079 --> 00:55:06.380 at the time. All they were thinking about was like, 1279 00:55:06.639 --> 00:55:08.920 this is great. This is going to make our application 1280 00:55:09.079 --> 00:55:12.820 way more addictive, which is going to be great for 1281 00:55:12.840 --> 00:55:15.800 the business. And I'm going to get promoted. And this 1282 00:55:15.860 --> 00:55:20.039 is exciting. We've developed some crazy new algorithms that are 1283 00:55:20.059 --> 00:55:23.280 going to be totally irresistible. And aren't we geniuses? So 1284 00:55:23.300 --> 00:55:25.780 it was a total picture of hell. 1285 00:55:25.860 --> 00:55:26.119 God. 1286 00:55:26.480 --> 00:55:29.139 And I thought, oh my God, you know, my daughter 1287 00:55:29.219 --> 00:55:33.730 is playing with this stuff. She's upstairs scrolling through Instagram now, probably. 1288 00:55:33.829 --> 00:55:36.840 TikTok's so addictive. Is it? Does she got TikTok? 1289 00:55:37.179 --> 00:55:38.320 Yeah, she's got TikTok. 1290 00:55:38.420 --> 00:55:41.239 That is really addictive because it's... Basically, Instagram is sort 1291 00:55:41.260 --> 00:55:43.300 of like you follow people and you see what's going on. 1292 00:55:43.400 --> 00:55:46.260 And after a while, they're annoying me. Fuck this. 1293 00:55:46.579 --> 00:55:48.739 But what the For You page does on TikTok, it 1294 00:55:48.820 --> 00:55:51.039 creates an algorithm for you. So you're not even picking 1295 00:55:51.059 --> 00:55:53.300 what you're looking at. It just keeps churning it out. 1296 00:55:53.340 --> 00:55:56.119 And you feel like a foie gras goose that's been 1297 00:55:56.219 --> 00:55:56.889 filled up. 1298 00:55:57.889 --> 00:55:58.429 Oh, God. 1299 00:55:58.489 --> 00:56:00.389 And then I

just cannot cope with anything that's longer 1300 00:56:00.550 --> 00:56:01.489 than about 25 seconds. 1301 00:56:01.530 --> 00:56:02.949 I had to delete it from my phone for a bit. 1302 00:56:03.050 --> 00:56:03.269 Yeah. 1303 00:56:03.469 --> 00:56:07.150 My boys actually are not fussed about social media at all. 1304 00:56:07.800 --> 00:56:10.639 So for some reason, that's bypassed them and they're happy 1305 00:56:10.679 --> 00:56:14.449 without it. But yes, I do worry about my daughter, 1306 00:56:14.570 --> 00:56:17.070 even though she's very smart and she's too young to 1307 00:56:17.190 --> 00:56:20.230 have a presence on there herself. So she's mainly just 1308 00:56:20.590 --> 00:56:24.380 looking at other stuff. That's on my to-do list for today, actually. 1309 00:56:24.860 --> 00:56:26.760 Sit down with her and say, I was watching this 1310 00:56:26.820 --> 00:56:29.019 program last night and it tweaked a lot of my 1311 00:56:29.099 --> 00:56:31.320 deepest fears about being a shit parent. 1312 00:56:31.409 --> 00:56:31.610 So. 1313 00:56:32.090 --> 00:56:34.590 Can we have this conversation again? Because we have had 1314 00:56:34.630 --> 00:56:36.659 it before. Oh, God. 1315 00:56:37.659 --> 00:56:39.360 So will you be sitting her down this afternoon when 1316 00:56:39.380 --> 00:56:41.000 she gets home from school for that chat then? 1317 00:56:41.300 --> 00:56:44.579 Yeah, man, definitely. Just to check in. Because, I mean, 1318 00:56:44.639 --> 00:56:46.639 I do trust her and I do think she's fine. 1319 00:56:46.960 --> 00:56:48.980 But then I'm sure that's what the parents of all 1320 00:56:49.019 --> 00:56:51.960 these other children who've fallen foul of it thought. You know, 1321 00:56:52.280 --> 00:56:55.670 you just think you'll be all right. But then you 1322 00:56:55.730 --> 00:56:57.929 don't know what's going on in the head of her. 1323 00:56:58.579 --> 00:57:01.159 child and you don't know what things are worrying them 1324 00:57:01.199 --> 00:57:04.019 you know I used to be really excited about showing 1325 00:57:04.300 --> 00:57:06.440 all my favorite films to my children that was one 1326 00:57:06.480 --> 00:57:08.900 of the main fantasies I had about being a parent 1327 00:57:09.400 --> 00:57:12.760 and I definitely showed them a few things that they 1328 00:57:12.800 --> 00:57:18.289 were too young to see well I think we watched 1329 00:57:18.389 --> 00:57:21.969 I mean nothing terrible What was the worst one? I mean, 1330 00:57:22.010 --> 00:57:24.650 we probably watched Alien a little bit too young, but 1331 00:57:24.809 --> 00:57:28.239 even so, you know, 13, 14 perhaps? 1332 00:57:28.659 --> 00:57:31.800 That's quite a scene to see, isn't it? 13 or 14, 1333 00:57:31.780 --> 00:57:32.679 the John Hurt scene. 1334 00:57:33.019 --> 00:57:38.039 Yeah, even though for modern viewers, when the actual alien 1335 00:57:38.079 --> 00:57:40.300 pops out, it's really not that frightening. 1336 00:57:40.840 --> 00:57:42.159 No spoilers, I've not seen it. 1337 00:57:42.860 --> 00:57:43.610 Oh, it's good, man. 1338 00:57:43.650 --> 00:57:44.710 Have you really not seen Alien? 1339 00:57:44.809 --> 00:57:45.429 No, I'm joking. 1340 00:57:45.449 --> 00:57:45.730 No. 1341 00:57:46.530 --> 00:57:49.639 But the films that actually ended up traumatising them were 1342 00:57:49.679 --> 00:57:51.860 the ones that I thought were going to be totally fine. 1343 00:57:51.900 --> 00:57:55.820 You know, things like Labyrinth, actually, with Bowie. They couldn't 1344 00:57:55.860 --> 00:57:58.420 even make it through that. They found that totally terrifying, 1345 00:57:58.860 --> 00:58:01.539 but they were a little too young. Gremlins, that was 1346 00:58:01.599 --> 00:58:03.059 fairly scary, I think. 1347 00:58:03.320 --> 00:58:03.519 Yeah. 1348 00:58:03.699 --> 00:58:06.139 Bits of Zathura, which they really liked. 1349 00:58:06.360 --> 00:58:08.880 When you feel you're showing your kids something that you loved, 1350 00:58:08.980 --> 00:58:10.579 I'd feel a pressure on that. You know, like when 1351 00:58:10.599 --> 00:58:13.800 you're showing a friend a YouTube video or something, and... 1352 00:58:14.269 --> 00:58:15.909 suddenly I can see all the problems with it. I 1353 00:58:15.949 --> 00:58:17.869 can see suddenly the moment I'm showing it to a 1354 00:58:17.909 --> 00:58:20.329 friend and saying, this is funny. It feels like the 1355 00:58:20.389 --> 00:58:22.989 unfunniest thing in the world to me. And I get 1356 00:58:23.130 --> 00:58:26.030 kind of neurotic about it. The thought of sitting down 1357 00:58:26.070 --> 00:58:29.059 my children and going, this means a lot to me. 1358 00:58:29.079 --> 00:58:30.340 I want you to enjoy it. 1359 00:58:30.519 --> 00:58:31.440 Yeah. 1360 00:58:31.739 --> 00:58:34.139 I can't imagine that plays into your personality type. 1361 00:58:34.659 --> 00:58:37.000 No, it's a lot of pressure. And I did have 1362 00:58:37.039 --> 00:58:40.469 to get beyond that feeling of, slight resentment when they 1363 00:58:40.489 --> 00:58:42.309 didn't connect with it the way that i did you 1364 00:58:42.369 --> 00:58:46.059 know i sat my daughter down and we watched what 1365 00:58:46.079 --> 00:58:48.159 did we watch there was something we watched that i 1366 00:58:48.380 --> 00:58:51.760 thought you are gonna absolutely love this i think it 1367 00:58:51.780 --> 00:58:55.099 was ferris bueller's day off and i sat down one 1368 00:58:55.139 --> 00:58:56.969 afternoon with her and i was ready for it to 1369 00:58:57.010 --> 00:59:00.469 be like this incredible bonding exercise and she was like 1370 00:59:00.469 --> 00:59:02.469 yeah it was fine But she just didn't get it. 1371 00:59:02.469 --> 00:59:04.550 And i and then i thinking about it i thought 1372 00:59:04.590 --> 00:59:07.239 of course she didn't immediately love it because it's so 1373 00:59:07.639 --> 00:59:09.800 so much of it is of its time it's quite 1374 00:59:09.880 -->

00:59:14.780 dated in all sorts of ways they need something contemporary 1375 00:59:14.820 --> 00:59:16.579 i think to get really excited about. 1376 00:59:16.480 --> 00:59:18.460 As she sat you down or he your boy sat 1377 00:59:18.480 --> 00:59:19.679 you down to watch something that. 1378 00:59:19.599 --> 00:59:22.380 They love yeah we were actually in the lockdown my 1379 00:59:23.199 --> 00:59:28.530 um 17 year old said let's watch eric andre's bad trip. 1380 00:59:30.639 --> 00:59:31.469 What is that? 1381 00:59:31.730 --> 00:59:33.630 And we were like, do you know that film? 1382 00:59:33.670 --> 00:59:35.469 No, I've not seen Eric Andre's Bad Trip. 1383 00:59:36.690 --> 00:59:37.150 Oh, man. 1384 00:59:37.469 --> 00:59:39.989 Do you know who Eric Andre is? No. He's an 1385 00:59:40.010 --> 00:59:41.239 American comedian. 1386 00:59:41.260 --> 00:59:42.760 Oh, I recognise him now. 1387 00:59:42.980 --> 00:59:45.000 He does this thing called The Eric Andre Show, which 1388 00:59:45.059 --> 00:59:47.179 is this sort of insane, it's a bit like Vic 1389 00:59:47.239 --> 00:59:47.699 and Bob. 1390 00:59:48.119 --> 00:59:48.360 Yeah. 1391 00:59:48.500 --> 00:59:50.820 Plus meets Jackass or something, you know. 1392 00:59:51.139 --> 00:59:51.619 Sounds good. 1393 00:59:51.940 --> 00:59:54.690 And it's on Adult Swim. It's really good. And he's 1394 00:59:54.730 --> 00:59:56.750 a really, really funny guy. But a lot of his 1395 00:59:56.829 --> 00:59:59.650 stuff is quite extreme, pranky stuff. 1396 01:00:00.070 --> 01:00:00.349 Right. 1397 01:00:00.650 --> 01:00:02.769 Not in a cruel way. All the jokes are always 1398 01:00:02.829 --> 01:00:06.380 on himself. He's very good. But Eric Andre's Bad Trip 1399 01:00:06.420 --> 01:00:10.679 is like a feature-length, pranky movie. And we all sat 1400 01:00:10.719 --> 01:00:12.320 down to watch this as a family. 1401 01:00:12.340 --> 01:00:12.920 Yeah. 1402 01:00:13.559 --> 01:00:17.380 And there's one scene where they go to the zoo 1403 01:00:17.780 --> 01:00:20.329 and it's all shot a bit like Borat, you know, 1404 01:00:20.389 --> 01:00:22.849 with real people who don't know what's going on. And 1405 01:00:22.889 --> 01:00:25.510 he's playing all these characters and these scenes are unfolding 1406 01:00:25.550 --> 01:00:27.630 in public. There's one scene where they go to the 1407 01:00:27.690 --> 01:00:31.730 zoo and Eric Andre's character somehow gets trapped in a 1408 01:00:32.349 --> 01:00:36.550 pen with a big randy gorilla and ends up getting 1409 01:00:36.719 --> 01:00:39.480 basically violated by the gorilla. 1410 01:00:39.500 --> 01:00:39.579 Yeah. 1411 01:00:40.030 --> 01:00:42.159 And then just when you think that's extreme enough and 1412 01:00:42.199 --> 01:00:44.940 all these people are watching and they think it's real, 1413 01:00:45.179 --> 01:00:47.280 even though it's obviously a man in a gorilla suit. 1414 01:00:47.880 --> 01:00:50.199 They're all freaking out and filming it on camera phones 1415 01:00:50.239 --> 01:00:51.679 and going, oh, my God, get him out of there. 1416 01:00:51.920 --> 01:00:55.760 And Eric Andre's screaming, help me, help me. And it's 1417 01:00:55.780 --> 01:00:58.980 just getting it's a bit like that bit in The Revenant. 1418 01:00:59.000 --> 01:00:59.619 You know what I mean? 1419 01:00:59.639 --> 01:01:03.280 It's like a sexy, sexy version of that bit where 1420 01:01:03.480 --> 01:01:06.969 DiCaprio gets attacked by the bear. And then just when 1421 01:01:06.989 --> 01:01:10.630 you think it's gone pretty far, there's just a long, 1422 01:01:10.829 --> 01:01:17.860 long cum shot from this gorilla that just goes on 1423 01:01:18.000 --> 01:01:20.659 and on. It goes everywhere. Anyway, that was the most 1424 01:01:20.739 --> 01:01:23.849 extreme part. The rest of the film was really quite 1425 01:01:23.989 --> 01:01:29.150 sweet and uplifting and very funny. And so that was 1426 01:01:29.210 --> 01:01:33.460 a great moment because we were all very sceptical. 1427 01:01:33.480 --> 01:01:34.960 We just thought this is. 1428 01:01:35.000 --> 01:01:37.079 Not going to work out. Actually, it was a hit, 1429 01:01:37.179 --> 01:01:39.760 that one. And I think our son was quite pleased 1430 01:01:39.840 --> 01:01:40.260 about that. 1431 01:01:40.280 --> 01:01:41.880 So did your 13-year-old watch it as well? 1432 01:01:42.099 --> 01:01:45.500 Yeah, we all watched it. It was a family movie. 1433 01:01:45.539 --> 01:01:45.840 Wow. 1434 01:01:46.090 --> 01:01:47.949 And she liked it. Everyone liked it. That was a 1435 01:01:48.050 --> 01:01:49.030 massive hit, that one. 1436 01:01:49.050 --> 01:01:49.170 I bet. 1437 01:01:49.610 --> 01:01:52.210 But then we've had other ones where they just all 1438 01:01:52.230 --> 01:01:54.369 sort of drift off one by one. And it's usually 1439 01:01:54.449 --> 01:01:57.050 me and my eldest son are the ones left. The 1440 01:01:57.110 --> 01:01:58.760 only ones that watch the whole thing. 1441 01:01:59.000 --> 01:02:01.320 Oh, that must be heartbreaking when they're slowly leaving. 1442 01:02:01.360 --> 01:02:04.380 I'm going to have to check out this gorilla cum shot. 1443 01:02:04.400 --> 01:02:06.800 It sounds like a great, great movie review. She's a 1444 01:02:06.840 --> 01:02:08.730 biscuit in a suit away from being at your school. 1445 01:02:09.070 --> 01:02:11.989 It would be embarrassing if I actually rewatched the film 1446 01:02:12.070 --> 01:02:14.039 and that isn't in it. I just sort of imagined it. 1447 01:02:16.449 --> 01:02:18.039 I just wish that that had been in there. 1448 01:02:18.119 --> 01:02:22.519 You just drifted off for five minutes. Fell asleep. That's 1449 01:02:22.539 --> 01:02:26.139 an interesting thing. It's very difficult to watch things. Do 1450 01:02:26.179 --> 01:02:28.380 you know what I mean? Like keep track of everyone's 1451 01:02:28.400 --> 01:02:30.360 watching box sets and they're watching two in the evening 1452 01:02:30.389

--> 01:02:32.349 and all that kind of stuff. And that period when 1453 01:02:32.369 --> 01:02:36.059 you've got young kids, it's like. you're almost taken out 1454 01:02:36.119 --> 01:02:38.800 of culture for five years, if you know what I mean. Yeah. 1455 01:02:39.019 --> 01:02:42.139 But as someone who's so obsessed and their career is 1456 01:02:42.159 --> 01:02:44.860 so based within it, did you find that difficult? Did 1457 01:02:44.909 --> 01:02:45.590 that happen to you? 1458 01:02:45.889 --> 01:02:49.809 Not really, because when our kids were little, it was 1459 01:02:49.829 --> 01:02:52.989 all about DVDs. So I used to cycle off to 1460 01:02:53.429 --> 01:02:56.550 this shop in the West End in London, and they 1461 01:02:56.710 --> 01:03:00.269 sold import DVDs as well. So I would just pay 1462 01:03:00.590 --> 01:03:03.889 ridiculous amounts of money to get all these American imports sold. 1463 01:03:04.440 --> 01:03:07.340 of movies that weren't out in the UK yet. And 1464 01:03:07.539 --> 01:03:10.530 I'd watch everything like that. We'd just watch everything on TV. 1465 01:03:10.929 --> 01:03:13.210 And then we'd do all the box sets. And, you know, 1466 01:03:13.250 --> 01:03:17.090 I was mainlining culture that ended up being talked about 1467 01:03:17.250 --> 01:03:20.570 as part of the mainstream anyway, like The Sopranos and 1468 01:03:21.010 --> 01:03:25.380 The Wire and Lost and 24 and all that sort 1469 01:03:25.400 --> 01:03:27.260 of stuff we were watching when the kids were little. 1470 01:03:27.300 --> 01:03:29.000 So I didn't feel disconnected. 1471 01:03:29.159 --> 01:03:31.000 How did you find the time? I just don't know 1472 01:03:31.039 --> 01:03:31.940 where I got the time. 1473 01:03:31.960 --> 01:03:32.639 Do you know what I mean? 1474 01:03:32.719 --> 01:03:36.469 Every night. Once we've got them to bed, it's eight, maybe. 1475 01:03:36.929 --> 01:03:39.110 And then we'll eat. And then we're like, by half nine, 1476 01:03:39.130 --> 01:03:41.650 we're like, done. We're out. This is it. 1477 01:03:41.929 --> 01:03:43.550 Have you ever heard of Telly Supper? 1478 01:03:43.809 --> 01:03:44.630 Telly Supper. 1479 01:03:44.989 --> 01:03:47.409 Yeah, mate. That's how we watched it. It was like 1480 01:03:47.449 --> 01:03:50.039 we never sat down at the dinner table in those years. 1481 01:03:50.579 --> 01:03:53.239 As soon as the children were in bed and the 1482 01:03:53.679 --> 01:03:57.219 baby monitor was quiet, which it only was for about 1483 01:03:57.219 --> 01:04:00.179 20 minutes at a time before the green lights started 1484 01:04:00.260 --> 01:04:01.219 flashing and it would be like. 1485 01:04:06.239 --> 01:04:10.099 Fucking hell but as soon as they were in bed 1486 01:04:10.139 --> 01:04:12.760 it was like four episodes of 24 or something we'd 1487 01:04:12.840 --> 01:04:15.159 just be trying to because i think me and my 1488 01:04:15.239 --> 01:04:20.420 wife used to party hard before the children arrived

so 1489 01:04:20.480 --> 01:04:23.260 we still had that mentality of like come on we 1490 01:04:23.300 --> 01:04:26.659 gotta get our fun in before we both pass out oh. 1491 01:04:27.039 --> 01:04:28.260 Adam, thank you so much for coming on. 1492 01:04:28.260 --> 01:04:29.690 It's been an absolute pleasure to talk to you. 1493 01:04:29.909 --> 01:04:32.590 We've got one final question for you, and it's the 1494 01:04:32.650 --> 01:04:34.789 one thing that your wife does that annoys you with 1495 01:04:34.829 --> 01:04:36.789 her parenting, but you don't really bring it up because 1496 01:04:36.829 --> 01:04:39.280 it starts a row. Is there anything that she does 1497 01:04:39.340 --> 01:04:40.860 that gets to you, Adam, that if she listened back 1498 01:04:40.900 --> 01:04:42.320 to this, she'd go, yeah, he's got a point? 1499 01:04:42.719 --> 01:04:45.539 Oh, that's a tough one, because she is a great mum. 1500 01:04:45.679 --> 01:04:47.539 And I imagine after 19 years, you've probably had all 1501 01:04:47.579 --> 01:04:49.320 the rows you can have about kids. 1502 01:04:49.760 --> 01:04:50.789 There's not anything there. 1503 01:04:51.349 --> 01:04:53.429 Oh, yeah, but there have been some big ones, sure. 1504 01:04:54.210 --> 01:04:56.349 I'm trying to think of something funny. The thing is 1505 01:04:56.389 --> 01:04:59.230 that most of those kinds of rows are really just 1506 01:04:59.610 --> 01:05:02.590 angsty and go to the heart of all sorts of 1507 01:05:02.710 --> 01:05:04.800 big worries you have about what you've done with your 1508 01:05:04.880 --> 01:05:05.099 own life. 1509 01:05:05.119 --> 01:05:05.820 You know what I mean? 1510 01:05:08.659 --> 01:05:12.480 But, you know, we've rowed about, is she overcautious? Are 1511 01:05:12.519 --> 01:05:16.469 we too helicopter-ish? I used to love cycling when I 1512 01:05:16.510 --> 01:05:19.070 was young and I loved that sense of independence that 1513 01:05:19.110 --> 01:05:21.980 it gave me. And I want them to get into 1514 01:05:22.019 --> 01:05:24.150 that as well. And, you know, we're out in the country. 1515 01:05:24.210 --> 01:05:27.769 But she's like, no, man, the country's way too dangerous. 1516 01:05:28.590 --> 01:05:31.150 And I just was convinced that she was wrong about that. 1517 01:05:31.190 --> 01:05:33.989 And then I spent a day researching it. And, yeah, 1518 01:05:34.010 --> 01:05:36.420 it is more dangerous to cycle on little country lanes 1519 01:05:36.480 --> 01:05:39.539 than to be in town. So that's been a bone 1520 01:05:39.559 --> 01:05:40.300 of contention. 1521 01:05:40.320 --> 01:05:42.820 I love that you spent a day researching whether. 1522 01:05:42.679 --> 01:05:44.949 It's the most Adam Buxton thing I've ever heard. 1523 01:05:45.260 --> 01:05:47.320 I didn't want this row to keep, because it used 1524 01:05:47.360 --> 01:05:50.440 to happen fairly regularly. It would be like, she'd be like, 1525 01:05:50.760 --> 01:05:53.119 can you go and pick up the

kids from tennis 1526 01:05:53.139 --> 01:05:55.489 or whatever? And I'd be like, why can't we just 1527 01:05:55.780 --> 01:05:57.719 put them on a bike and they can cycle to 1528 01:05:57.780 --> 01:05:59.989 flipping tennis and then they can cycle back. And then we, 1529 01:06:00.409 --> 01:06:01.929 you know, we don't have to do quite so many 1530 01:06:02.030 --> 01:06:03.449 car journeys and keep. 1531 01:06:03.250 --> 01:06:06.210 The planet alive for a couple of years longer. What 1532 01:06:06.250 --> 01:06:07.050 about that? 1533 01:06:07.710 --> 01:06:09.110 And she'd be like, well, if you want to kill 1534 01:06:09.130 --> 01:06:12.250 your kids, then yeah, great. So I thought, I'm going 1535 01:06:12.269 --> 01:06:15.309 to have to research this. And it turned out that 1536 01:06:15.369 --> 01:06:17.989 she was right to be worried. And so, you know, 1537 01:06:18.010 --> 01:06:21.409 we don't have that row anymore. But even so, I mean, 1538 01:06:21.489 --> 01:06:25.320 come on, you can cycle, Cathy. Anyway, but what's the 1539 01:06:25.440 --> 01:06:28.619 thing she does? I mean, she's too nice to them. 1540 01:06:28.820 --> 01:06:32.659 How about that? I just think she is too generous 1541 01:06:32.880 --> 01:06:36.019 and nice. She does this thing at Christmas of getting 1542 01:06:36.059 --> 01:06:40.219 everyone stockings. And this is like stockings in addition to 1543 01:06:40.519 --> 01:06:44.309 presents on Christmas Day, right? And in the stockings are 1544 01:06:44.750 --> 01:06:48.610 more presents than most people get for their main Christmas day. 1545 01:06:48.630 --> 01:06:49.090 You know what I mean? 1546 01:06:49.349 --> 01:06:49.570 Yeah. 1547 01:06:49.909 --> 01:06:54.590 And I just think that is pure madness. But there's 1548 01:06:54.670 --> 01:06:56.909 nothing I can do. There's no way that I can 1549 01:06:57.289 --> 01:07:00.510 have the conversation without just seeming like the most horrible, 1550 01:07:00.789 --> 01:07:07.829 gritty old bastard in the world. But I just think like, no, no, no. 1551 01:07:08.170 --> 01:07:12.050 All these presents and you are wrapping every single one 1552 01:07:12.760 --> 01:07:17.380 In wrapping paper and the waste. Oh, I can't bear 1553 01:07:17.440 --> 01:07:19.440 it anymore. And the spoilingness. 1554 01:07:20.039 --> 01:07:20.880 It's torture. 1555 01:07:21.949 --> 01:07:24.110 But there's so many things that I do that are 1556 01:07:24.150 --> 01:07:26.400 worse that I don't really have a leg to stand on. 1557 01:07:26.590 --> 01:07:28.750 It's been a pleasure speaking to you, Adam. Thanks so 1558 01:07:28.789 --> 01:07:29.909 much for doing the podcast. 1559 01:07:30.010 --> 01:07:31.150 I've loved it. Thanks, Adam. 1560 01:07:31.449 --> 01:07:33.949 Hey, it's really nice to talk to you guys and. 1561 01:07:33.989 --> 01:07:37.469 Good luck with your chat about Instagram. Yeah. 1562 01:07:38.369 --> 01:07:39.579 Thanks very much indeed. 1563 01:07:39.599 --> 01:07:40.659 I hope it goes well. 1564 01:07:40.900 --> 01:07:42.980 And I would like to point out just before we 1565 01:07:43.019 --> 01:07:48.409 conclude that overall, my experience of parenting has been... very 1566 01:07:48.510 --> 01:07:51.309 fortunate and continues to be wonderful and i don't know 1567 01:07:51.349 --> 01:07:53.670 what i would do without my children i can't imagine 1568 01:07:53.710 --> 01:07:56.130 life without them and yeah i feel very lucky i. 1569 01:07:56.070 --> 01:07:59.119 Think through your worries that speaks to the amount you 1570 01:07:59.420 --> 01:08:01.280 care for them and enjoy it i don't think that 1571 01:08:01.340 --> 01:08:02.659 comes across as someone who's. 1572 01:08:02.679 --> 01:08:04.480 Or are you just worrying that you think that you've 1573 01:08:04.500 --> 01:08:05.940 slagged them off too much and they're going to listen 1574 01:08:05.960 --> 01:08:07.639 back to this and hate you i mean there is 1575 01:08:07.659 --> 01:08:08.340 that god. 1576 01:08:08.239 --> 01:08:12.760 Knows God knows what kind of hang-ups they're going to 1577 01:08:12.800 --> 01:08:15.599 be tortured by and screwed up by and writing about 1578 01:08:15.639 --> 01:08:16.579 in their memoirs. 1579 01:08:16.760 --> 01:08:19.199 No, as a rule, everyone knows that we all love 1580 01:08:19.239 --> 01:08:21.619 our kids dearly and it's an amazing experience. 1581 01:08:22.100 --> 01:08:23.810 We've had a couple of guests where I've questioned it, 1582 01:08:23.850 --> 01:08:24.510 but you're not one of them. 1583 01:08:24.869 --> 01:08:28.210 Oh, yes, I'm absolutely heartless. But you're a good guy. 1584 01:08:29.489 --> 01:08:30.289 Yeah, thanks. 1585 01:08:30.310 --> 01:08:31.090 Thanks very much, Adam. 1586 01:08:34.250 --> 01:08:37.069 Adam Buxton. I'm a big fan of, does he call 1587 01:08:37.090 --> 01:08:37.829 himself Buckles? 1588 01:08:38.130 --> 01:08:38.350 Yeah. 1589 01:08:38.529 --> 01:08:40.710 Bless him, though. You can see him working his way 1590 01:08:40.770 --> 01:08:43.550 down a worry well, can't you? Yeah. Like, if he 1591 01:08:43.569 --> 01:08:44.449 just keeps talking. 1592 01:08:44.729 --> 01:08:46.609 The worst thing was all of those things he said 1593 01:08:46.630 --> 01:08:48.909 about having young children are what I think now. And 1594 01:08:48.949 --> 01:08:51.729 I'm like, oh, God, I'm watching my life unfold here. 1595 01:08:51.760 --> 01:08:52.479 Do you know what I mean? 1596 01:08:52.850 --> 01:08:53.680 He seems happy, though. 1597 01:08:53.920 --> 01:08:57.340 He is, yeah. It just shows how much you care, 1598 01:08:57.380 --> 01:08:57.770 doesn't it? 1599 01:08:58.100 --> 01:08:59.760 But yeah, but then you shouldn't care too much. 1600 01:09:00.090 --> 01:09:00.590 No, I know. 1601 01:09:00.609 --> 01:09:02.789 I feel that as well. He doesn't realise how funny 1602 01:09:02.810 --> 01:09:04.350 and how good he is at what he does. 1603 01:09:04.390 --> 01:09:04.810 He's

brilliant. 1604 01:09:04.989 --> 01:09:07.189 He's always so put himself down of like, you know, 1605 01:09:07.210 --> 01:09:08.949 he's gone, I was just tagged along with Joe. 1606 01:09:08.770 --> 01:09:12.159 And he's hilarious. His podcasts are amazing. His live shows 1607 01:09:12.199 --> 01:09:13.720 are amazing. He's brilliant on panel shows. 1608 01:09:13.979 --> 01:09:16.960 He's such a funny bloke and really lovely fella as well. 1609 01:09:17.039 --> 01:09:19.659 He's a kind of alternative national treasure, isn't he? 1610 01:09:19.819 --> 01:09:22.359 I've seen people with a quarter of his talent bowl 1611 01:09:22.399 --> 01:09:23.979 around like they're the new Richard Pryor. 1612 01:09:24.189 --> 01:09:29.909 But it's good to work with you, Rob. I loved 1613 01:09:29.989 --> 01:09:32.260 Adam Buxton. Thank you so much to him for doing it. 1614 01:09:32.470 --> 01:09:34.909 Yeah, no, check out Adam Buxton's podcast. Really good. Interviewing 1615 01:09:35.149 --> 01:09:35.689 different guests. 1616 01:09:35.949 --> 01:09:39.239 Oh, it's incredible. He interviewed Paul McCartney. Did he? Yeah. 1617 01:09:39.319 --> 01:09:40.279 That'll be us one day. 1618 01:09:40.619 --> 01:09:44.319 Oh, man, what a booking. You absolutely not giving a shit. 1619 01:09:44.439 --> 01:09:46.239 Me sweating and shaking. 1620 01:09:46.720 --> 01:09:48.520 Oh, God, who's this auntie I'm talking to? 1621 01:09:48.539 --> 01:09:48.939 Why is he. 1622 01:09:52.239 --> 01:09:54.619 Why does he keep saying cool? He's 75. 1623 01:09:54.619 --> 01:09:58.659 Cool, yeah. Yeah, so, like, yeah, just having kids is, like, cool. 1624 01:09:59.289 --> 01:10:02.130 That's all American Scouts. I better not slag him off 1625 01:10:02.149 --> 01:10:03.930 too much in case we get him off. Imagine saying 1626 01:10:03.949 --> 01:10:04.470 that about a Beatle. 1627 01:10:04.550 --> 01:10:05.010 Oh, God. 1628 01:10:05.050 --> 01:10:06.869 Just absolutely rinse him. Oh, yeah, you can't have Paul 1629 01:10:06.890 --> 01:10:08.779 McCartney because he heard it and Rob was slagging him off. 1630 01:10:08.920 --> 01:10:11.720 Oh, God. Yeah, he's a huge fan of the podcast 1631 01:10:11.739 --> 01:10:14.060 to the point where he's listening to the Adam Buxton outro. 1632 01:10:15.170 --> 01:10:16.609 He only listens to the outros, weirdly. 1633 01:10:16.630 --> 01:10:17.229 Yeah. 1634 01:10:17.250 --> 01:10:19.470 He doesn't listen to interviews or the chat ones. 1635 01:10:19.850 --> 01:10:21.550 He likes them because they feel a bit more freewheeling, 1636 01:10:21.569 --> 01:10:24.010 don't they? It feels like that's our actual selves because 1637 01:10:24.029 --> 01:10:25.229 we know we're about to clock off. 1638 01:10:25.430 --> 01:10:27.529 Like the later stuff, the later Beatles stuff, where they 1639 01:10:27.550 --> 01:10:28.989 can really just go crazy. 1640 01:10:29.649 --> 01:10:30.800 Right, I'll see you on Tuesday. 1641 01:10:30.819 --> 01:10:32.060 See you on Tuesday. Bye. 1642 01:10:32.100 --> 01:10:32.340 Bye.