النص الكامل لحلقة S03 EP10: Pat Sharp

comedy industry is? was 81 00:03:28.000 --> 00:03:30.080 when I'd known you that much. I was like, yeah, 82 00:03:30.120 --> 00:03:31.240 Josh is a bit of a drinker. He likes a 83 00:03:31.280 --> 00:03:32.900 night out, right? And you used to like a night 84 00:03:33.020 --> 00:03:33.919 out when you were younger. 85 00:03:33.939 --> 00:03:34.539 I liked a night out. 86 00:03:34.560 --> 00:03:36.620 You liked a night out and you'd be out boozing, right? 87 00:03:36.639 --> 00:03:38.979 And then I drunk with you. You have four pints 88 00:03:39.039 --> 00:03:39.639 and you're sick. 89 00:03:40.080 --> 00:03:41.370 Yeah, it's the only way to keep going. 90 00:03:42.150 --> 00:03:44.370 And you do keep going, but it's because you've only 91 00:03:44.469 --> 00:03:45.789 ever got four pints in your belly. 92 00:03:46.250 --> 00:03:49.469 Yeah, one, two, three, four, back to zero. One, two, three, four, 93 00:03:49.530 --> 00:03:50.229 back to zero. 94 00:03:50.650 --> 00:03:53.590 I think working class people are just better at drinking. 95 00:03:53.879 --> 00:03:54.659 Oh, yeah, I think they are. 96 00:03:54.680 --> 00:03:57.629 Because you're a man of middle class character. Comedy people 97 00:03:57.650 --> 00:03:59.090 that I've met that go, yeah, like I was, you know, 98 00:03:59.110 --> 00:04:01.330 I had a drink problem at 18. And I'm like, 99 00:04:01.689 --> 00:04:05.629 did you? Or was you just 18? Because if you're 100 00:04:05.659 --> 00:04:08.360 middle class, that's a problem. If you're working class, you're 101 00:04:08.620 --> 00:04:12.900 just 18. You know those people and they go, I can't, man. 102 00:04:12.919 --> 00:04:14.520 I had a problem at 18. I go, did you? Fuck. 103 00:04:15.379 --> 00:04:16.639 You had a middle class problem at 18. 104 00:04:16.620 --> 00:04:19.300 What were you drinking at 18? When I was at 18, 105 00:04:19.300 --> 00:04:20.300 when I was at uni. 106 00:04:20.939 --> 00:04:21.120 Yeah. 107 00:04:21.310 --> 00:04:23.370 So I was at uni at 18. I didn't used 108 00:04:23.389 --> 00:04:24.230 to get hangovers. 109 00:04:24.569 --> 00:04:25.829 I'd have like 10 pints and a half a bottle 110 00:04:25.850 --> 00:04:28.420 of whiskey. on a night out, which is mental. 111 00:04:28.480 --> 00:04:30.699 I used to, before I'd go out, I'd drink a 112 00:04:30.740 --> 00:04:33.560 bottle of, I'd go to the Sainsbury's and buy the 113 00:04:33.800 --> 00:04:36.050 reduced bottle of white wine and I'd just drink the 114 00:04:36.060 --> 00:04:38.350 whole bottle. And that was before I went out. 115 00:04:39.240 --> 00:04:40.779 So I'd try and drink, I'd probably drink about half 116 00:04:40.800 --> 00:04:42.819 a bottle of whiskey before I went out. And then 117 00:04:42.819 --> 00:04:46.040 10 pints is probably a lie. I probably might have 118 00:04:46.100 --> 00:04:47.579 caged in, but not very often, but then would have 119 00:04:47.600 --> 00:04:50.100 like loads of just loads of beer and then shots. 120 00:04:50.319 --> 00:04:51.839 But I can't remember what I was drinking because it 121 00:04:51.860 --> 00:04:53.740 was all like a quid and like watered down. 122 00:04:54.060 --> 00:04:57.149 I vividly remember one night when I went out to 123 00:04:57.189 --> 00:05:01.490 a place in Manchester called Fifth Avenue, which was a, like. 124 00:05:01.589 --> 00:05:05.009 Tony and Tilly love it there. No, they don't mate. 125 00:05:05.089 --> 00:05:08.410 It's a, it's a, it's a, a student kind of 126 00:05:08.449 --> 00:05:10.689 student indie club. And on a Wednesday, it'd be a 127 00:05:10.769 --> 00:05:13.379 quid for a vodka Red Bull. It wasn't Red Bull. 128 00:05:13.439 --> 00:05:14.220 It was like, you know. 129 00:05:14.579 --> 00:05:16.600 Oh yeah. One, two, three, go, go juice. 130 00:05:16.620 --> 00:05:21.319 Yeah, exactly. And I, I had 16 of them. And 131 00:05:21.360 --> 00:05:24.459 then I was walking home and I went for a 132 00:05:24.459 --> 00:05:27.060 piss down an alleyway. 133 00:05:27.060 --> 00:05:27.300 16 of them. 134 00:05:27.319 --> 00:05:28.779 I could tell because I was paying a pound a 135 00:05:28.819 --> 00:05:32.459 time and I had four quid left. And, and then 136 00:05:32.500 --> 00:05:34.120 I went for a piss down an alleyway and there 137 00:05:34.170 --> 00:05:38.009 was an empty bottle there. And I, I remember pissing 138 00:05:38.029 --> 00:05:39.730 in that bottle. And then the next day I was 139 00:05:39.790 --> 00:05:42.740 walking to uni and I walked past the alleyway and 140 00:05:43.100 --> 00:05:46.420 that bottle was glowing. Like the yellow of that bottle 141 00:05:46.459 --> 00:05:49.939 was like a colour I've never seen in my life before. 142 00:05:49.959 --> 00:05:50.920 Was it Barocca yellow? 143 00:05:51.180 --> 00:05:54.370 It was like it was something from the X-Men. It 144 00:05:54.410 --> 00:05:55.910 was like, it was astonishing. 145 00:05:56.029 --> 00:05:57.709 Like bottled water from Chernobyl. 146 00:05:58.069 --> 00:06:00.329 Those were the days, Rob. Those were the days. 147 00:06:00.430 --> 00:06:02.490 You could get away with that behaviour, couldn't you? 148 00:06:02.509 --> 00:06:06.120 These days I am... it's mad how different my life 149 00:06:06.220 --> 00:06:09.259 is these days in terms of, I had a pint 150 00:06:09.610 --> 00:06:11.709 last night when I did the gig and I was like, 151 00:06:12.689 --> 00:06:14.990 do I really need this? Or is this going to 152 00:06:15.029 --> 00:06:18.750 impact how I feel when I'm watching the Olympics at 5.55 153 00:06:18.750 --> 00:06:19.350 tomorrow morning? 154 00:06:19.389 --> 00:06:21.149 You want to be clear headed to watch that, you know, 155 00:06:21.209 --> 00:06:22.310 speedball running. 156 00:06:22.379 --> 00:06:23.139 Exactly. 157 00:06:23.160 --> 00:06:25.120 I want to be able to concentrate on the climbing. 158 00:06:25.720 --> 00:06:27.720 The modern pentathlon doesn't watch itself. 159 00:06:27.959 --> 00:06:28.279 Exactly.

160 00:06:28.379 --> 00:06:32.129 Exactly. All right, Josh, I've got this really good play 161 00:06:32.180 --> 00:06:34.600 date email. And also you want to talk about party bags. 162 00:06:34.620 --> 00:06:35.660 We do party bags first. 163 00:06:35.680 --> 00:06:37.480 We don't have to talk about party bags. I was 164 00:06:37.519 --> 00:06:39.319 just interested in your take on my party bags because 165 00:06:39.339 --> 00:06:40.959 I thought you'd absolutely destroy me for them. 166 00:06:41.019 --> 00:06:43.420 No, you've been so mean to yourself. I want to 167 00:06:43.439 --> 00:06:45.300 hear about your party bags. What party bags have you 168 00:06:45.319 --> 00:06:46.399 got for your daughter's birthday? 169 00:06:46.939 --> 00:06:50.439 So, so far the party bags contain crayons. 170 00:06:51.019 --> 00:06:53.160 Yeah. Happy with that? What is the bag? 171 00:06:54.379 --> 00:06:57.720 It is a rainbow coloured paper bag. 172 00:06:57.740 --> 00:06:58.240 Paper? 173 00:06:58.279 --> 00:06:59.519 Paper. Not plastic? 174 00:06:59.800 --> 00:07:04.019 Rob, this is the thing. I'm catering for East London 175 00:07:04.060 --> 00:07:04.819 parents here. 176 00:07:05.139 --> 00:07:07.360 No, you're not. You're catering for children that don't give 177 00:07:07.379 --> 00:07:08.600 a fuck about the environment. 178 00:07:08.639 --> 00:07:12.319 Mate, mate, mate, mate, mate. There's no way I can 179 00:07:12.339 --> 00:07:14.959 put a bottle of Oasis anywhere near these bags, mate. 180 00:07:17.170 --> 00:07:20.490 What we did, we got canvas bags that had some 181 00:07:20.670 --> 00:07:22.610 felt tips attached you could colour in the back. 182 00:07:23.149 --> 00:07:23.750 Oh, my word. 183 00:07:23.769 --> 00:07:24.410 And they were quite cheap. 184 00:07:24.430 --> 00:07:26.250 I mean, you've gone really big. What I did is 185 00:07:26.350 --> 00:07:29.230 I went on Amazon, I looked what was on Prime, 186 00:07:29.290 --> 00:07:29.970 and that was these. 187 00:07:30.529 --> 00:07:32.430 And then what's that? You've got some crayons in there. Crayons. 188 00:07:32.629 --> 00:07:33.209 Pombears. 189 00:07:33.949 --> 00:07:36.839 Pombears, that's fine. So what are you doing catering-wise? Because 190 00:07:36.860 --> 00:07:39.800 the party bag, I thought you got given at the end. 191 00:07:40.100 --> 00:07:41.720 You do. With sweets and stuff in it. 192 00:07:42.220 --> 00:07:42.620 Yeah. 193 00:07:42.939 --> 00:07:45.959 But you've put Pombears in the party. I'd assume Pombears 194 00:07:45.980 --> 00:07:48.040 would be a part of the catering. 195 00:07:48.199 --> 00:07:50.620 The Pombears is just making up the numbers. It's just 196 00:07:50.670 --> 00:07:51.810 making up the numbers in the bag. 197 00:07:51.990 --> 00:07:53.129 What's the food at the event? 198 00:07:53.550 --> 00:07:55.589 What's the food at the event? Well, it's 2 p.m., Rob. 199 00:07:56.089 --> 00:07:59.870 So everyone's going to have eaten. So I've been to 200 00:07:59.910 --> 00:08:02.069 three of these. They don't really cater to them much. 201 00:08:02.410 --> 00:08:04.709 So we're just going to go sandwiches, crisps, and a cake. 202 00:08:04.730 --> 00:08:06.689 Just a few sandwiches and crisps and stuff for us 203 00:08:06.709 --> 00:08:07.170 to pick out. 204 00:08:07.209 --> 00:08:07.879 Yeah, yeah. Okay, exactly. 205 00:08:07.889 --> 00:08:08.509 That sounds fine. 206 00:08:08.800 --> 00:08:09.000 Yeah. 207 00:08:09.300 --> 00:08:09.779 I'm down with that. 208 00:08:10.180 --> 00:08:15.399 And then one of those curled up fruit whip things 209 00:08:15.459 --> 00:08:17.079 that you see in the organic shops. 210 00:08:17.800 --> 00:08:19.740 Okay, so that's in the party bag. 211 00:08:20.240 --> 00:08:21.360 I knew it would wind you up, Rob. 212 00:08:21.600 --> 00:08:28.600 I think you need to rename the bag. The guilt box. 213 00:08:28.810 --> 00:08:31.370 The moment I ordered them, I thought, Beckett is going 214 00:08:31.389 --> 00:08:33.610 to be livid. What's the paper bag look like? It's 215 00:08:33.669 --> 00:08:34.350 rainbow coloured. 216 00:08:34.730 --> 00:08:36.330 It looks like... Oh, it's got a rainbow colour. It's 217 00:08:36.350 --> 00:08:36.990 not just like brown. 218 00:08:37.029 --> 00:08:38.309 No, no, no. It looks like. 219 00:08:38.610 --> 00:08:43.029 No, it looks... It's rainbow coloured. I typed in party 220 00:08:43.070 --> 00:08:45.850 bags on Amazon. I didn't type in paper bags. Like, 221 00:08:45.889 --> 00:08:47.129 it looks a bit like the kind of thing you'd 222 00:08:47.149 --> 00:08:49.250 put sweets in at the cinema. So what else should 223 00:08:49.269 --> 00:08:50.350 I put in my party bag, Rob? 224 00:08:50.370 --> 00:08:50.570 Is that. 225 00:08:51.379 --> 00:08:55.710 No, no, no. Jesus, fucking Pombear. Sounds like you're having 226 00:08:55.730 --> 00:08:56.809 a clear out of your drawers. 227 00:08:58.269 --> 00:08:59.830 No, I'm going to go to the toy shop. I'm 228 00:08:59.850 --> 00:09:02.389 thinking stickers, tattoos, Powerballs. 229 00:09:02.769 --> 00:09:05.600 Love it. I'm back in the game. Yeah. I think 230 00:09:05.620 --> 00:09:09.360 you're padding it out with the Pombears. Yeah. And the yo-yos. 231 00:09:09.399 --> 00:09:10.899 I don't think you need to put that in. 232 00:09:10.899 --> 00:09:12.549 The yo-yos? Oh, is that what they're called? 233 00:09:12.570 --> 00:09:13.529 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 234 00:09:14.269 --> 00:09:15.850 You've got to put some kind of sweets in, but 235 00:09:15.950 --> 00:09:16.330 I think. 236 00:09:16.389 --> 00:09:17.570 Put some fucking sweets in. 237 00:09:18.330 --> 00:09:19.710 I think you're going to get a lot of shit 238 00:09:19.750 --> 00:09:21.970 from the East London parents if you put some proper 239 00:09:22.009 --> 00:09:23.169 sweets in there, Rob. 240 00:09:23.210 --> 00:09:25.350 The day the East London parents are happy with me 241 00:09:25.769 --> 00:09:29.480 is the day I'm doing it wrong. We

did. We 242 00:09:29.500 --> 00:09:33.320 bought loads of inflatable balloons, you know, like helium balloons 243 00:09:34.120 --> 00:09:36.179 that are animals and tied a little string around them 244 00:09:36.200 --> 00:09:38.120 and then they could walk them home and they're weighed 245 00:09:38.159 --> 00:09:40.860 down and that's all plastic and helium and helium's running out. 246 00:09:40.899 --> 00:09:42.720 But you know what? Who cares? Who cares? 247 00:09:43.970 --> 00:09:46.289 I mean, that's a great idea. That's a great idea. 248 00:09:46.350 --> 00:09:48.460 I'm not getting around to it because I'm not going 249 00:09:48.509 --> 00:09:51.340 to be able to take them to the park. 250 00:09:51.360 --> 00:09:54.419 The kids love that. That's like a sort of like 251 00:09:54.440 --> 00:09:56.929 a sketch from a sitcom with them all blowing about. Yeah. 252 00:09:57.029 --> 00:09:59.210 I mean, it's the Only Fools and Horses one with 253 00:09:59.230 --> 00:10:01.200 the two inflatable horses. women in the back of the car. 254 00:10:01.419 --> 00:10:04.080 But they do love them. So what we did, we 255 00:10:04.100 --> 00:10:06.320 had that canvas bag. We just put some bubbles in 256 00:10:06.399 --> 00:10:08.519 it and loads of... Oh, bubbles is a winner. I'm 257 00:10:08.559 --> 00:10:10.919 going to go with bubbles. Especially at the park. Bubbles 258 00:10:10.980 --> 00:10:13.080 is a winner. And then we didn't put... We put 259 00:10:13.100 --> 00:10:15.639 a little bag of Haribo in and a slice of cake, 260 00:10:15.720 --> 00:10:17.159 but nothing... Are you doing a cake? 261 00:10:17.399 --> 00:10:18.980 Yeah, you'd have been thrown out of Hackney the moment 262 00:10:19.019 --> 00:10:20.340 that Haribo was smelt, Rob. 263 00:10:20.700 --> 00:10:21.580 You're not allowed Haribo. 264 00:10:21.779 --> 00:10:25.639 You'd have been thrown across the border into Tower Hamlets before. 265 00:10:25.779 --> 00:10:28.440 I got the halal ones. Come on, guys. I'm trying. 266 00:10:28.460 --> 00:10:34.240 It's like the veggie Percy pigs. I do like the 267 00:10:34.259 --> 00:10:35.899 veggie Percy pigs, though. But yeah, so that. 268 00:10:36.059 --> 00:10:38.940 So, yeah, but I don't think you should worry too much. 269 00:10:39.120 --> 00:10:40.179 Would you give your daughter Haribo? 270 00:10:40.710 --> 00:10:41.279 Yeah, of course. 271 00:10:41.590 --> 00:10:45.350 Exactly. So who cares? I like winding them up, though. 272 00:10:45.750 --> 00:10:46.149 Yeah, Rob. 273 00:10:46.190 --> 00:10:48.610 Like all the parents. You love that, mate. 274 00:10:48.990 --> 00:10:49.090 Yeah. 275 00:10:49.110 --> 00:10:49.549 You love that. 276 00:10:49.899 --> 00:10:53.639 I just want to be popular. I just want them 277 00:10:53.679 --> 00:10:55.879 not to remember me for getting a black cab to nursery. 278 00:10:55.940 --> 00:10:56.940 That's what I want, Rob. 279 00:10:56.980 --> 00:10:58.299 You want to be part of them, don't you? 280 00:10:58.740 --> 00:11:01.090 What I don't want to do is get out Monday morning, 281 00:11:01.570 --> 00:11:02.990 get out of the black cab. Someone say, have you 282 00:11:03.009 --> 00:11:04.370 got any Haribo in that black cab? 283 00:11:04.529 --> 00:11:07.269 Absolute hammer blow. Here he is, Willy Wonka, the old 284 00:11:07.350 --> 00:11:09.929 sugar factory. We tried to get the kids to sleep, actually. 285 00:11:09.990 --> 00:11:12.110 One of them's lost the tooth. We've got three, you know, 286 00:11:12.149 --> 00:11:17.909 three of them, they're still in bed. Stomach pains. You 287 00:11:17.929 --> 00:11:19.159 know what? I think that's all right. I don't think 288 00:11:19.179 --> 00:11:21.279 you need the Pombears in a party bag. I think that's... No, 289 00:11:21.299 --> 00:11:22.879 I'll be honest with you, Rob. 290 00:11:22.899 --> 00:11:24.639 I'm already working my way through the Pombears. I don't 291 00:11:24.659 --> 00:11:26.360 think they'll be there by next Saturday anyway. 292 00:11:26.379 --> 00:11:30.690 You're panic packing the bag. Just get some balloon, bubbles, sorry, 293 00:11:30.970 --> 00:11:32.669 and all that. Are you going to have balloons? You'll 294 00:11:32.690 --> 00:11:33.669 have balloons? Is that. 295 00:11:33.710 --> 00:11:36.529 Yeah, no, I'll just go into the local toy shop 296 00:11:37.470 --> 00:11:40.740 and I will be buying all of those extra little bits. 297 00:11:40.820 --> 00:11:42.259 The bubbles. The bubbles. 298 00:11:42.879 --> 00:11:43.080 The. 299 00:11:44.149 --> 00:11:46.009 tattoos i think the tattoos. 300 00:11:45.710 --> 00:11:48.049 Are great but what you need a water source and 301 00:11:48.110 --> 00:11:50.129 tissue at the park but i suppose you're giving them 302 00:11:50.149 --> 00:11:51.990 at the end giving them in the end that's fine 303 00:11:52.049 --> 00:11:54.350 exactly okay that's fine yeah yeah okay cool i think 304 00:11:54.370 --> 00:11:56.330 that sounds great and you've got you've got a balloon 305 00:11:56.629 --> 00:11:57.649 a bubble guy come in. 306 00:11:57.950 --> 00:12:00.769 Well it's a general entertainer they do they do a 307 00:12:00.809 --> 00:12:02.830 variety of different entertaining. 308 00:12:02.370 --> 00:12:04.429 Activities okay fair enough and you've got them there for 309 00:12:04.470 --> 00:12:06.210 how long the whole time and we've got soft play 310 00:12:06.570 --> 00:12:08.429 you've got soft play the entertainer how long a three 311 00:12:08.470 --> 00:12:10.840 hour party is it or no end time. 312 00:12:11.200 --> 00:12:14.200 Yeah, well, it's normally three hours. 313 00:12:14.240 --> 00:12:16.460 You can't really tell someone when to leave a park. 314 00:12:16.559 --> 00:12:18.259 It's very difficult. You can't, right? 315 00:12:18.279 --> 00:12:19.240 It's very difficult to say, I'm sorry. 316 00:12:19.259 --> 00:12:21.500 It's finished now. And they're going, but we want to 317 00:12:21.659 --> 00:12:25.710 go on the swings. The party's

finished. I said at five, leave. No, 318 00:12:26.350 --> 00:12:29.450 but my daughter wants to go. Here are your pommes. 319 00:12:29.549 --> 00:12:33.690 Fuck off. You've got crisps. Now, fuck off home. God, 320 00:12:33.750 --> 00:12:37.789 it's her birthday. But no, I don't think that's too bad. 321 00:12:37.840 --> 00:12:40.039 I think you're just sort of Josh panicking about the pommes, 322 00:12:40.080 --> 00:12:43.009 but I think that's good. Paper bag's better. I would 323 00:12:43.049 --> 00:12:45.659 go paper bag or canvas bag over plastic bag. There's 324 00:12:45.679 --> 00:12:47.399 not much in the price, and it's better for the environment. 325 00:12:47.500 --> 00:12:49.179 I'm not that much of an animal, Josh. 326 00:12:49.200 --> 00:12:52.059 The thing with a plastic pie bag, it's very difficult 327 00:12:52.080 --> 00:12:53.919 to use it as a bag for life. You're not 328 00:12:53.940 --> 00:12:55.620 going to get many shopping trips out of that little 329 00:12:55.639 --> 00:12:56.019 pie bag. 330 00:12:56.039 --> 00:12:58.789 No, I think paper is fine. I just think sometimes, structurally, 331 00:12:58.850 --> 00:12:59.529 it's more sound. 332 00:12:59.990 --> 00:13:01.110 Exactly. Exactly. 333 00:13:01.750 --> 00:13:03.169 Do you want this email? 334 00:13:03.509 --> 00:13:05.070 Yeah, and then we'll bring on our guest. 335 00:13:05.350 --> 00:13:07.129 We'll bring on our guest. Bring on. 336 00:13:07.889 --> 00:13:08.289 All right, mate. 337 00:13:08.320 --> 00:13:11.549 Looking Parkinson's. All right, okay, here we go. Nightmare play 338 00:13:11.570 --> 00:13:13.549 date story. You've got to strap in for this. There's 339 00:13:13.570 --> 00:13:16.710 a lot to take in, but it's absolutely sensational. Okay, 340 00:13:16.750 --> 00:13:20.250 this is from Haji85. Hi, Rob and Josh. Recently, you 341 00:13:20.269 --> 00:13:22.370 spoke about play dates, and I want to share a 342 00:13:22.450 --> 00:13:25.029 nightmare one we had. We're living in Shanghai, and my 343 00:13:25.070 --> 00:13:27.750 husband made a friend with a lovely bloke. Made friends 344 00:13:27.769 --> 00:13:32.179 with a lovely bloke. Made a friend with a lovely bloke. 345 00:13:32.220 --> 00:13:35.620 Like he went in double-handed to find someone. We live 346 00:13:35.639 --> 00:13:38.590 in Shanghai and my husband made a friend with a 347 00:13:38.659 --> 00:13:43.070 lovely bloke after joining a local cycling club. I am 348 00:13:43.730 --> 00:13:50.129 a stay-at-home mum. S-A-H-M. Is that like a mum's net thing? Yeah. S-A-H-M. 349 00:13:50.149 --> 00:13:55.440 Stay-at-home mum. I hope so. I am a psalm. I'm 350 00:13:55.460 --> 00:13:58.100 a psalm. I'm a psalm. I love psalms. I am 351 00:13:58.139 --> 00:14:00.789 a psalm. To our four-year-old son. So I was keen 352 00:14:00.809 --> 00:14:02.570 to get the families together as it can be hard 353 00:14:02.610 --> 00:14:05.570 to make friends when you're newly arrived in a foreign city. 354 00:14:05.590 --> 00:14:07.480 When you're a son. When you've newly arrived in a 355 00:14:07.509 --> 00:14:10.220 foreign city, the other couple have a daughter who is 356 00:14:10.289 --> 00:14:12.820 seven years old, which wasn't an ideal age gap, but 357 00:14:12.840 --> 00:14:16.620 we made it work. So about five play dates deep, 358 00:14:17.139 --> 00:14:19.320 I invited them all over for a meal to our apartment, 359 00:14:19.340 --> 00:14:21.940 which is brand spanking new and is entirely white walls. 360 00:14:22.379 --> 00:14:25.240 Something was off the moment they arrived, the wife arriving 361 00:14:25.279 --> 00:14:28.259 first with the daughter and the husband arriving some 30 362 00:14:28.259 --> 00:14:31.750 minutes later. The daughter was being particularly naughty and clearly 363 00:14:31.759 --> 00:14:35.070 didn't want to be at ours playing babysit to our four-year-old. 364 00:14:35.090 --> 00:14:37.029 Because seven and four is quite a big gap if 365 00:14:37.049 --> 00:14:39.909 they're not sort of on the same wavelength. I noticed 366 00:14:39.970 --> 00:14:42.169 in our son's room that the paper lampshade had been 367 00:14:42.250 --> 00:14:46.240 written on with his name. in clearly very advanced handwriting. 368 00:14:46.639 --> 00:14:48.860 I knew it must have been the seven-year-old, but seeing 369 00:14:48.899 --> 00:14:51.870 as it was only on a paper lampshade and things 370 00:14:51.879 --> 00:14:54.690 were already tense, I didn't say anything. So the next 371 00:14:54.730 --> 00:14:56.610 day I noticed my son's name has been written on 372 00:14:56.629 --> 00:14:59.850 the walls in several places, around the apartment and also 373 00:15:00.330 --> 00:15:03.480 on the white duvet in the guest room. As it's 374 00:15:03.549 --> 00:15:07.179 a service department, we have the bedding changed once a week, 375 00:15:07.220 --> 00:15:09.039 so the maids were getting annoyed that the bedding was 376 00:15:09.059 --> 00:15:11.840 being daubed on, and by now I was pretty peed off. 377 00:15:12.330 --> 00:15:15.539 that their daughter had been so naughty. So my frustration, 378 00:15:15.600 --> 00:15:18.639 I messaged the other mum to say, sorry to write this, 379 00:15:18.700 --> 00:15:20.600 but if my son done it, I would absolutely want 380 00:15:20.639 --> 00:15:22.899 to know so I could fix it and make sure 381 00:15:22.919 --> 00:15:24.820 it doesn't happen again. But I think your daughter has 382 00:15:24.840 --> 00:15:29.049 been writing all over the apartment. Anyway, she messaged back saying, 383 00:15:30.049 --> 00:15:33.669 she messaged back only saying, send me a photo of 384 00:15:33.710 --> 00:15:35.990 what was written. That was it, Josh. 385 00:15:36.509 --> 00:15:37.429 Oh, my word. 386 00:15:37.649 --> 00:15:40.230 No, you know, no presentries. Oh, my word. 387 00:15:41.210 --> 00:15:43.990 I just cut and run at that point. 388 00:15:44.049 --> 00:15:46.470 Well, this lady has not cut and run. She's in deep. 389

00:15:46.950 --> 00:15:49.549 I immediately knew she was going to deny that her 390 00:15:49.570 --> 00:15:53.899 daughter has done it. I was right. She messaged me back. 391 00:15:54.419 --> 00:15:56.399 My daughter says it wasn't her. Your son must be 392 00:15:56.440 --> 00:16:00.480 more advanced than he's letting on. So now she's accusing 393 00:16:00.500 --> 00:16:03.450 the four-year-old of lying. And being more advanced. 394 00:16:03.750 --> 00:16:04.710 Oh, my word. 395 00:16:04.730 --> 00:16:06.470 So the lady said, yes, my four-year-old son who can 396 00:16:06.509 --> 00:16:08.669 barely brush his own teeth has been hiding from us 397 00:16:08.750 --> 00:16:11.830 and his school teachers that, in fact, he is a 398 00:16:11.870 --> 00:16:15.519 handwriting savant who can apparently write at exactly the same 399 00:16:15.580 --> 00:16:17.519 wall height as a tall seven-year-old. 400 00:16:19.200 --> 00:16:19.299 Oh. 401 00:16:19.320 --> 00:16:22.620 So, you know, she's angry now. So we messaged back 402 00:16:22.679 --> 00:16:24.919 and forth, and I refused to accept that it was 403 00:16:24.980 --> 00:16:27.950 my son as he can't write his name. And finally, 404 00:16:27.990 --> 00:16:32.049 the mother sends me a handwriting analysis. A handwriting analysis? 405 00:16:32.590 --> 00:16:36.320 That she's had done by her own company employee who 406 00:16:36.379 --> 00:16:40.600 is qualified in handwriting analysis as proof once and for 407 00:16:40.659 --> 00:16:42.570 all that it was my son and not her daughter. 408 00:16:42.929 --> 00:16:43.750 Needless to say. 409 00:16:43.769 --> 00:16:44.820 That is insane. 410 00:16:45.379 --> 00:16:46.379 Absolutely manic. 411 00:16:46.460 --> 00:16:49.559 Also, that is not a fair person to go to. 412 00:16:49.820 --> 00:16:53.220 No, also, as well, even in a year of my 413 00:16:53.259 --> 00:16:55.600 daughter being at school from four, now she's four and 414 00:16:55.620 --> 00:16:58.940 a half, her writing has improved dramatically. So another three years, 415 00:16:58.960 --> 00:17:01.500 it's going to be... Because there's kids in her class 416 00:17:01.519 --> 00:17:04.079 who can write like... It looks amazing. Anyway, so needless 417 00:17:04.099 --> 00:17:06.420 to say, I decided, while I was being a bit 418 00:17:06.460 --> 00:17:08.400 of a Karen, sending the text in the first place, 419 00:17:08.500 --> 00:17:11.259 this woman... certainly doubled up on the crazy and totally 420 00:17:11.410 --> 00:17:15.119 over overreacted to prove her child was not a total brat. Insane. 421 00:17:15.460 --> 00:17:17.180 And I couldn't message her back to tell her she 422 00:17:17.220 --> 00:17:21.420 was nuts because she blocked me. She blocked her. This 423 00:17:21.480 --> 00:17:24.480 is a five day in this five, five play dates 424 00:17:24.569 --> 00:17:24.869 I've had. 425 00:17:25.670 --> 00:17:26.710 Oh my God. 426 00:17:27.230 --> 00:17:27.990 It's mad, isn't it? 427 00:17:28.210 --> 00:17:29.309 This is insane. 428 00:17:29.349 --> 00:17:30.289 We've had a few play dates. 429 00:17:30.309 --> 00:17:32.730 Just do the zoo. Just do the zoo. 430 00:17:32.789 --> 00:17:34.650 You love the five hours at the zoo, but you 431 00:17:34.670 --> 00:17:37.380 couldn't believe how long, because you're a big park guy, 432 00:17:37.390 --> 00:17:37.880 aren't you, Josh? 433 00:17:38.380 --> 00:17:39.440 No, I'm not. 434 00:17:39.859 --> 00:17:41.119 You're over the park now. 435 00:17:42.019 --> 00:17:45.000 The park is repetitive, Rob. It is repetitive. 436 00:17:45.319 --> 00:17:48.170 But where you are, it's great if you want a 437 00:17:48.190 --> 00:17:52.809 fancy cocktail in a locally sourced pub, but there's not 438 00:17:52.849 --> 00:17:54.609 those to do for kids. You have to travel a 439 00:17:54.609 --> 00:17:55.150 bit further. 440 00:17:55.769 --> 00:17:59.519 Well, I don't know what your kids are doing in 441 00:17:59.539 --> 00:18:00.329 your local area, Rob. 442 00:18:00.339 --> 00:18:03.940 Air jump. Air jump? Five minute drive, trampolining. 443 00:18:03.960 --> 00:18:05.279 What's air jump? Trampoline. 444 00:18:05.400 --> 00:18:06.079 Exactly, mate. 445 00:18:06.119 --> 00:18:08.900 Mate, we've got Westfield 10 minutes away. 446 00:18:09.460 --> 00:18:12.099 Westfield's insane. Mate, air jump. You've not been to an 447 00:18:12.140 --> 00:18:13.279 air jump yet? Trampoline park? 448 00:18:13.319 --> 00:18:15.480 We've not been to Westfield. It's got three escalators. 449 00:18:15.859 --> 00:18:19.349 Yeah, but we've got blue water. We've got Go Ape, mate. 450 00:18:20.309 --> 00:18:21.230 You hate Go Ape. 451 00:18:21.269 --> 00:18:23.569 You think it's too much money for climbing on ropes. 452 00:18:23.890 --> 00:18:26.410 But I've got it if I want it. I'm just 453 00:18:26.450 --> 00:18:29.759 saying there's not as many options where you live for kids. Josh, 454 00:18:29.799 --> 00:18:30.859 let's not fall out over this. 455 00:18:30.880 --> 00:18:33.680 This is a very great working relationship we've got. 456 00:18:33.740 --> 00:18:37.000 But I'm just saying. Victoria Park is a great park. 457 00:18:37.039 --> 00:18:38.119 I'm going to block you. 458 00:18:38.140 --> 00:18:39.319 I'm going to block you. 459 00:18:39.500 --> 00:18:41.250 That's the only way this can end. And your daughter's 460 00:18:41.269 --> 00:18:46.309 been writing her name on my walls. But no. But 461 00:18:46.529 --> 00:18:49.289 the London Zoo is great. I admit that. And I'm 462 00:18:49.309 --> 00:18:52.119 happy you had five hours. 463 00:18:52.240 --> 00:18:55.079 Would you have confronted the woman? 464 00:18:55.099 --> 00:18:56.859 I probably just wouldn't have invited them around again. I 465 00:18:57.420 --> 00:18:59.319 sort of think what you're getting out of it. One, 466 00:18:59.440 --> 00:19:02.509 just paint it white. Kids write on walls. My daughter 467 00:19:02.529 --> 00:19:04.930 wrote her name on the wall 20 times. It just

happens. 468 00:19:04.950 --> 00:19:06.690 The kids being seven and being a bit naughty. So 469 00:19:06.710 --> 00:19:09.900 just like cut them out. I'm not a big confrontation, 470 00:19:10.200 --> 00:19:13.039 let's have it out type person. I'll just sort of 471 00:19:13.059 --> 00:19:13.619 bin someone off. 472 00:19:14.220 --> 00:19:15.900 Yeah, much easier. Much easier. 473 00:19:16.819 --> 00:19:19.660 Anyway, listen, next week where me and Ellis James will 474 00:19:19.680 --> 00:19:23.279 be hosting Parenting Health. 475 00:19:23.569 --> 00:19:24.609 Who have we got today? 476 00:19:24.769 --> 00:19:27.250 We have got an absolute banger of a guest, Josh. 477 00:19:27.269 --> 00:19:29.210 And I feel like seeing as you've written a book, 478 00:19:29.529 --> 00:19:32.549 about tv in the 90s it's only fair that you 479 00:19:32.609 --> 00:19:33.650 introduce this guy. 480 00:19:33.490 --> 00:19:35.170 We should also mention that he's got a book out 481 00:19:35.190 --> 00:19:38.579 called rerun the fun uh if i mean they know 482 00:19:38.599 --> 00:19:40.259 they know who it is because in the episode title 483 00:19:40.279 --> 00:19:44.119 is pat sharp so there's a certain demographic who are 484 00:19:44.140 --> 00:19:45.990 going to listen to this that are probably going to 485 00:19:46.009 --> 00:19:48.670 be more excited about pat sharp than any other guest 486 00:19:48.710 --> 00:19:49.269 we have. 487 00:19:49.269 --> 00:19:53.259 I'd say as well he exceeds expectations where sometimes you 488 00:19:53.279 --> 00:19:55.920 get like a legend of of the 90s and they're 489 00:19:55.940 --> 00:19:58.759 a bit quiet and a bit boring he's got loads 490 00:19:58.819 --> 00:19:59.359 of banner. 491 00:19:59.460 --> 00:20:01.640 Oh he's great i loved him this is pat sharp 492 00:20:04.839 --> 00:20:07.400 hello pat shot i was going to try and do 493 00:20:07.500 --> 00:20:10.990 it it's friday afternoon get ready for the week pat 494 00:20:11.029 --> 00:20:13.230 do you want to do the intro to this one 495 00:20:13.269 --> 00:20:15.490 it feels like uh you're the you're the most uh 496 00:20:15.549 --> 00:20:19.490 you know qualified to start a podcast in a upbeat manner. 497 00:20:19.670 --> 00:20:22.789 Here we go here we go you'll like this friday 498 00:20:22.890 --> 00:20:26.190 afternoon even if it's not welcome to the weekend this 499 00:20:26.250 --> 00:20:29.789 is where it starts with the parenting hell podcast starring 500 00:20:29.890 --> 00:20:31.470 pat that's a lot of peas. 501 00:20:32.369 --> 00:20:36.250 That's incredible that is is that just experience or did 502 00:20:36.289 --> 00:20:36.890 you learn that. 503 00:20:36.789 --> 00:20:42.190 Somewhere I just learned to jock it, Rob, really. I 504 00:20:42.210 --> 00:20:44.970 just jocked it. I went to America on a skateboard 505 00:20:44.990 --> 00:20:47.009 when I was 19 and listened to the radio and 506 00:20:47.089 --> 00:20:49.970 came back and turned up the echo at Capitol. From 507 00:20:50.009 --> 00:20:52.710 the top of the tower, we're smashing the tunes. 508 00:20:54.329 --> 00:20:57.170 That's so true. It is an American style, actually. Because 509 00:20:57.190 --> 00:20:59.660 you do it a bit more delicately, it doesn't seem 510 00:21:00.099 --> 00:21:01.160 like American. 511 00:21:01.400 --> 00:21:02.900 I got a bit older, so I've chilled out a 512 00:21:02.920 --> 00:21:04.519 bit now that I'm on Greatest Hits Radio, so I'm 513 00:21:04.559 --> 00:21:07.920 more laid back, but still upbeat, still upbeat, but When 514 00:21:07.980 --> 00:21:10.160 I was 25, it was like, you know, people used 515 00:21:10.180 --> 00:21:11.460 to say, I loved that, what you did, but I 516 00:21:11.460 --> 00:21:13.220 didn't get it. What was it all about? You know, 517 00:21:13.259 --> 00:21:14.000 what did you say? 518 00:21:15.849 --> 00:21:18.170 Just energy. But that's the thing, though, is that having 519 00:21:18.190 --> 00:21:20.250 that energy. I think energy is good for anything you do, 520 00:21:20.289 --> 00:21:23.769 including like work or being a parent. It's when you're knackered, 521 00:21:23.789 --> 00:21:26.200 you can't do it. And how many kids have you got, Pat? 522 00:21:26.259 --> 00:21:28.259 What's your setup now? You've got grown up kids. 523 00:21:29.019 --> 00:21:33.940 Yeah, we have three kids and we have two grandchildren 524 00:21:34.019 --> 00:21:36.289 and one more coming. Oh, wow. 525 00:21:36.549 --> 00:21:38.450 So what ages are your kids and the grandkids? 526 00:21:40.490 --> 00:21:47.019 Daniel is 31, Charlotte's 29, Nicky's 34, and our grandkids 527 00:21:47.319 --> 00:21:52.660 are two and one month or five weeks. Oh, wow. Yeah, 528 00:21:53.059 --> 00:21:54.440 and another one due in September. 529 00:21:55.160 --> 00:21:56.200 How has it been a granddad? 530 00:21:56.950 --> 00:21:58.970 Oh, it's great. Yeah, it's really good. We have a beautiful, 531 00:21:59.509 --> 00:22:02.750 beautiful granddaughter, beautiful grandson and another granddaughter on the way. 532 00:22:02.970 --> 00:22:04.819 And I love it. I mean, I love being called 533 00:22:04.839 --> 00:22:07.519 grandpa and I like being young enough to sort of, 534 00:22:07.559 --> 00:22:10.460 you know, not look like a grandpa. I see some 535 00:22:10.619 --> 00:22:12.519 of the dads out there and I think, wow, you 536 00:22:12.559 --> 00:22:14.349 must be a grandpa too. And they go, no, no, no, 537 00:22:14.380 --> 00:22:15.869 that's my kid, not my grandson. 538 00:22:15.950 --> 00:22:16.089 Yeah. 539 00:22:19.450 --> 00:22:22.390 Those ones always look so tired, don't they? Kids a 540 00:22:22.410 --> 00:22:24.529 bit older and they're just fucked. 541 00:22:25.630 --> 00:22:29.079 Absolutely knackered. I see them in the park and I'm 542 00:22:29.140 --> 00:22:31.079 running around and, you know, I'm just going to turn 543 00:22:31.079 --> 00:22:33.299 60 and they're like, give us a break. 544 00:22:38.700 -->

00:22:40.440 Do you get called on to do a lot of 545 00:22:40.799 --> 00:22:42.440 grandpa-based babysitting? 546 00:22:42.700 --> 00:22:45.319 We do, and we love it because, to be honest 547 00:22:45.359 --> 00:22:49.099 with you, one of our grandchildren, Kaya, our oldest one, 548 00:22:49.119 --> 00:22:51.700 the two-year-old, is actually in America because our son lives 549 00:22:51.769 --> 00:22:54.150 in New York with his wife, and they're there. So 550 00:22:54.190 --> 00:22:55.869 we don't see them all the time, especially with what's 551 00:22:55.910 --> 00:22:58.990 been going on. So when we get called to babysit 552 00:22:59.049 --> 00:23:01.529 our five-week-old one, we're there, and we often don't want 553 00:23:01.549 --> 00:23:03.950 to give him back, really, to be honest with you. 554 00:23:04.130 --> 00:23:05.299 And you've got another one on the way as well. 555 00:23:05.730 --> 00:23:09.339 Yeah, but that's another one in America. So I need 556 00:23:09.799 --> 00:23:12.440 the British kids to really, well, they're all British, but 557 00:23:12.460 --> 00:23:14.220 I need the ones who live here to really, you know, 558 00:23:14.279 --> 00:23:16.019 snap into it and get a few more kids here. 559 00:23:19.880 --> 00:23:24.809 So with having grown up kids, you know, this is 560 00:23:24.869 --> 00:23:27.349 not a good tip for life, I'd say, but some 561 00:23:27.390 --> 00:23:29.809 people have said to me that, you know, when they're 562 00:23:29.829 --> 00:23:33.069 grown up, you're just worrying about them in a different way. 563 00:23:33.569 --> 00:23:36.420 Do you find like, What's it like being the parent 564 00:23:36.460 --> 00:23:40.059 of grown-up kids? How often are you thinking about them? 565 00:23:40.240 --> 00:23:42.069 Is it dominating your life in the way it did 566 00:23:42.089 --> 00:23:42.849 when they were children? 567 00:23:43.809 --> 00:23:46.670 It doesn't dominate your life, Josh, but you are absolutely right. 568 00:23:46.690 --> 00:23:48.690 You're never going to stop worrying about your kids and 569 00:23:48.710 --> 00:23:52.000 you're never going to stop lending them money and getting 570 00:23:52.019 --> 00:23:54.579 them a start on the property ladder and just, you know. 571 00:23:55.710 --> 00:23:57.990 just being there to help them, I suppose. And you'll 572 00:23:58.019 --> 00:24:00.680 always do that because they are your kids. So anything 573 00:24:00.700 --> 00:24:02.980 you think that you guys are spending now, believe me, 574 00:24:03.000 --> 00:24:04.940 it never ends. It just keeps on going. 575 00:24:05.380 --> 00:24:06.619 Oh, God. 576 00:24:06.799 --> 00:24:09.089 Oh, no. 577 00:24:09.150 --> 00:24:11.150 That's not what I want to hear, Pat. 578 00:24:11.170 --> 00:24:11.930 Well, it gets bigger. 579 00:24:11.990 --> 00:24:13.890 I mean, the sums get bigger, don't they? A deposit 580 00:24:13.910 --> 00:24:16.390 on a house is not exactly a train set. 581 00:24:16.450 --> 00:24:16.630 Is

it? 582 00:24:20.170 --> 00:24:23.279 Do you feel like, was you working loads or was 583 00:24:23.319 --> 00:24:25.920 you off work when the kids were small? Did you 584 00:24:25.940 --> 00:24:27.940 see a lot of them or was it a bit tight? 585 00:24:27.960 --> 00:24:30.799 Because you were all over the place on telly, I imagine, 586 00:24:30.819 --> 00:24:31.720 when they were younger. 587 00:24:32.259 --> 00:24:33.940 Yeah, I was working a lot and I still am 588 00:24:33.960 --> 00:24:35.940 to this day to pay for the extra bits that 589 00:24:35.960 --> 00:24:40.569 I just mentioned. So therefore, it never stops. But I 590 00:24:40.589 --> 00:24:42.470 did see them a lot, yeah. I was a pretty 591 00:24:42.509 --> 00:24:44.769 good hands-on dad and I think my missus would agree 592 00:24:44.809 --> 00:24:46.730 with that. And I loved it. I mean, I took Nicky. 593 00:24:46.769 --> 00:24:49.329 When Nicky was a kid, it was very funny because... 594 00:24:49.839 --> 00:24:52.299 He was probably, say, two or three years old, probably three, 595 00:24:52.359 --> 00:24:54.529 three or four maybe. And we would go to sort 596 00:24:54.569 --> 00:24:57.009 of Chessington World of Adventures. And then someone would come up. 597 00:24:57.049 --> 00:24:58.950 And there obviously were no selfies in those days because 598 00:24:58.970 --> 00:25:00.769 then nobody had a camera. So they would say, can 599 00:25:00.789 --> 00:25:03.710 I get your autograph? And I'd say, well, I haven't 600 00:25:03.730 --> 00:25:05.170 got a pen. And they'd go, well, I've got one. 601 00:25:05.210 --> 00:25:06.849 And they'd find a pen in a handbag or whatever, 602 00:25:06.869 --> 00:25:09.089 and you'd do one. And then another person would come along, 603 00:25:09.130 --> 00:25:11.210 and they'd get your autograph. And then a big line 604 00:25:11.250 --> 00:25:12.630 would start. And by the time you got to the 605 00:25:12.650 --> 00:25:14.670 end of the line, there'd be people going, yeah, can 606 00:25:14.690 --> 00:25:16.220 I get your autograph? And I'd go, sure, what's your name? 607 00:25:16.240 --> 00:25:19.690 And they went, yeah, what's yours? And I went, well, 608 00:25:19.890 --> 00:25:21.470 why do you want my autograph? They go, well, because 609 00:25:21.519 --> 00:25:23.839 everyone else did. And I said, all right. And then 610 00:25:23.880 --> 00:25:26.680 by that time, Nicky, who was about, obviously about a 611 00:25:26.759 --> 00:25:28.759 foot tall or maybe two foot, I don't know, I 612 00:25:28.799 --> 00:25:30.839 can't remember how big kids are anymore, but he was 613 00:25:30.880 --> 00:25:33.839 a little boy. And he would be tugging at my trousers. 614 00:25:34.000 --> 00:25:37.210 And he got so used to hearing people saying my 615 00:25:37.289 --> 00:25:41.849 name that he said, for goodness sake, Pat Sharp, hurry up. 616 00:25:43.069 --> 00:25:46.880 He goes, I want to go on the rides. And 617 00:25:47.119 --> 00:25:48.680 that was how he grew up.

He grew up calling 618 00:25:48.700 --> 00:25:53.509 me Pat Sharp because people were going, Pat Sharp. So 619 00:25:53.529 --> 00:25:55.470 I never got called dad. I was just Pat Sharp 620 00:25:55.509 --> 00:25:57.569 to Nicky and he's 34 now. But now he calls 621 00:25:57.609 --> 00:25:58.809 me dad. So thank heavens for that. 622 00:25:58.829 --> 00:26:00.960 Oh, that's nice. Eventually. 623 00:26:01.359 --> 00:26:04.220 As a kind of celebrity in that world, did you like, 624 00:26:04.519 --> 00:26:07.140 when you're going to Chessington World Adventure, are you queuing 625 00:26:07.180 --> 00:26:11.160 in those situations or has the family got special perks? 626 00:26:11.950 --> 00:26:12.109 Well. 627 00:26:12.569 --> 00:26:16.230 We did have some moments where they, you're going to 628 00:26:16.250 --> 00:26:18.490 think this is really pretentious and your listeners are going 629 00:26:18.529 --> 00:26:21.930 to go, what a dick. But they closed the theme 630 00:26:21.970 --> 00:26:24.299 park for us and we got in either early or 631 00:26:24.359 --> 00:26:26.960 late like Tom Cruise. Like Tom Cruise. 632 00:26:26.980 --> 00:26:29.380 I mean, because at one point, Pat, I would say 633 00:26:29.400 --> 00:26:31.259 he was one of the most famous TV presenters in 634 00:26:31.279 --> 00:26:32.920 the country, easily. 635 00:26:33.000 --> 00:26:35.920 Well, kids TV, you know, yeah. I never really. 636 00:26:36.140 --> 00:26:39.440 Yeah, but then I think actually kids TV makes you 637 00:26:39.799 --> 00:26:42.559 mega famous because they grow up with you. And then 638 00:26:42.599 --> 00:26:44.500 they see you on other things. So it's like they've 639 00:26:44.579 --> 00:26:47.240 all seen you. There's a different bond, I find. 640 00:26:48.480 --> 00:26:51.900 You've summed that up, Rob. There's an amazing affinity with 641 00:26:51.980 --> 00:26:55.160 kids' TV presenters because I can go into a room 642 00:26:55.259 --> 00:26:58.220 where there's somebody of, say, your guy's age and there's 643 00:26:58.259 --> 00:27:01.519 Graham Norton. And the person who's coming over will probably 644 00:27:01.539 --> 00:27:03.460 come up to me as a kids' TV presenter before 645 00:27:03.480 --> 00:27:05.839 they go to Graham Norton because it's part of their childhood. 646 00:27:06.420 --> 00:27:09.480 And they remember you. from a time when they didn't 647 00:27:09.529 --> 00:27:14.089 have relationship, mortgage, rent, this, that, job worries and everything else. 648 00:27:14.109 --> 00:27:16.349 They just remember chucking down their school bag on a 649 00:27:16.410 --> 00:27:19.930 Friday afternoon and watching me and the twins and some 650 00:27:20.009 --> 00:27:21.730 bright colors and a bit of gunge. I mean, what's 651 00:27:21.769 --> 00:27:22.230 not to like? 652 00:27:23.950 --> 00:27:26.180 What age were your kids when all that was going on? 653 00:27:26.980 --> 00:27:28.559 Were they fans of the show? Were they too young 654 00:27:28.599 -->

00:27:30.720 or too old? I can't remember the timeline. 655 00:27:31.180 --> 00:27:33.500 Nicky was spot on. Our oldest son, he was spot on. 656 00:27:33.539 --> 00:27:35.799 He was about the right age and little bit younger 657 00:27:36.220 --> 00:27:38.420 than the contestants. They were around about 12 or 13. 658 00:27:38.420 --> 00:27:42.359 It was probably about, it started, Nicky was born in 86. 659 00:27:42.359 --> 00:27:44.859 The show started in 89. So by the time the 660 00:27:44.900 --> 00:27:48.440 show was sort of 93, 94, he was a prime 661 00:27:48.500 --> 00:27:50.779 candidate fan. He used to come to some of the recordings. 662 00:27:51.140 --> 00:27:55.829 And we made Funhouse, the whole series for each year 663 00:27:55.869 --> 00:27:58.690 was made in one week at Scottish Television. Really? 664 00:27:58.910 --> 00:27:59.130 Yeah. 665 00:27:59.170 --> 00:28:01.440 So we would go for seven days. I'd take I'd 666 00:28:01.460 --> 00:28:04.259 take the time off capital and then for seven days 667 00:28:04.339 --> 00:28:06.440 we would go to Scotland and we would do one 668 00:28:06.460 --> 00:28:08.380 in the morning, one in the afternoon, two times seven 669 00:28:08.720 --> 00:28:10.940 is 14 series done for a whole year. So I've 670 00:28:11.029 --> 00:28:14.109 only ever spent 10 weeks of my life doing fun house. 671 00:28:16.390 --> 00:28:18.089 It's mad, isn't it? And then it can sort of, 672 00:28:18.250 --> 00:28:20.890 you know, define someone and be such a big show. 673 00:28:20.910 --> 00:28:21.930 Isn't that mad? 674 00:28:22.029 --> 00:28:22.569 Isn't that mad? 675 00:28:22.829 --> 00:28:25.589 Cause I, you know, I mentioned this, uh, when I 676 00:28:25.630 --> 00:28:27.569 last spoke to Josh and I said to him that, uh, 677 00:28:27.859 --> 00:28:29.960 You know, people will come up to me and say 678 00:28:30.089 --> 00:28:32.470 in a burly voice, a great big guy at a 679 00:28:32.609 --> 00:28:37.769 DJ set, you made my childhood. I'm going, well, that's 680 00:28:37.849 --> 00:28:41.430 just as well, isn't it? And, you know, and you 681 00:28:41.470 --> 00:28:43.490 think about it, that people come up and also say 682 00:28:43.519 --> 00:28:44.880 to me, not my name. They just look at me 683 00:28:44.900 --> 00:28:48.180 and go, Funhouse. I mean, the best story, the best 684 00:28:48.220 --> 00:28:49.920 story I've ever got of that one was at the 685 00:28:50.019 --> 00:28:54.900 Nordhoff Robbins Music Awards lunch in about early 2000s. And 686 00:28:55.319 --> 00:28:58.430 Posh was there as in Victoria Beckham. And with David, 687 00:28:58.450 --> 00:28:59.849 and they were sitting at a table, and they had 688 00:28:59.890 --> 00:29:02.430 people around them so that people couldn't go up to them. 689 00:29:03.450 --> 00:29:05.930 Because they were sort of the flavor of the month 690 00:29:05.950 --> 00:29:07.690 at the time, and they didn't want everybody coming up 691 00:29:07.730 --> 00:29:09.759 to them, and they couldn't eat their lunch, and blah, blah, blah. 692 00:29:10.130 --> 00:29:12.500 So at one point, I sort of glanced over, and 693 00:29:13.099 --> 00:29:15.259 she smiled, which she doesn't do a lot, as you know. 694 00:29:15.660 --> 00:29:19.359 And she wagged her finger in a way to say, 695 00:29:19.460 --> 00:29:22.369 beckon you over like this. And I thought, okay. I 696 00:29:22.390 --> 00:29:23.930 went over, I went, hi. She goes, hi, I just 697 00:29:23.950 --> 00:29:25.390 want to say that I heard you on the radio 698 00:29:25.430 --> 00:29:28.990 the other day and you were mentioning my autobiography, Learning 699 00:29:29.049 --> 00:29:31.180 to Fly. And it was so nice. You were so 700 00:29:31.180 --> 00:29:33.529 kind about me and you weren't rude about me or 701 00:29:33.529 --> 00:29:36.259 David or anything like that. It was just really nice. 702 00:29:36.259 --> 00:29:38.369 And David was in the bathroom and he and he 703 00:29:38.430 --> 00:29:40.349 heard it as well and while she was saying all 704 00:29:40.390 --> 00:29:42.710 this to me i just focused on her eyes and 705 00:29:42.769 --> 00:29:45.519 he was grinning and leaning over her shoulder next to 706 00:29:45.579 --> 00:29:48.619 her looking at me just smiling so i then looked 707 00:29:48.759 --> 00:29:50.660 look around and i went oh that's great who's your 708 00:29:50.680 --> 00:29:54.619 friend and um And she said, oh, that's my husband, David. 709 00:29:54.680 --> 00:29:56.240 And I went, oh, right. And he was obviously the 710 00:29:56.259 --> 00:29:59.059 England captain at the time and, you know, probably equally 711 00:29:59.079 --> 00:30:01.759 as famous as he is now. And he looked at 712 00:30:01.799 --> 00:30:05.549 me and literally in his voice, he just went, Funhouse. 713 00:30:12.589 --> 00:30:14.750 And I went, yes, it is, David. 714 00:30:16.750 --> 00:30:21.460 It is Funhouse. So growing up then, did your kids 715 00:30:21.619 --> 00:30:23.410 love it and they were like proud that their dad 716 00:30:23.430 --> 00:30:25.529 was doing Funhouse and all the kids knew who you were? 717 00:30:25.630 --> 00:30:27.049 Or is it a little bit of a bore for 718 00:30:27.069 --> 00:30:28.410 them and a bit tiresome? 719 00:30:28.549 --> 00:30:30.490 I wonder. I don't know. I've never really asked them. 720 00:30:30.529 --> 00:30:32.450 I think they just think that that's what I did 721 00:30:32.529 --> 00:30:34.210 and that's what it was. You know, I lived in 722 00:30:34.250 --> 00:30:36.609 a Funhouse with these two cheerleaders, you know, a couple 723 00:30:36.630 --> 00:30:38.589 of blonde twins and my wife didn't mind. Their mum 724 00:30:38.609 --> 00:30:39.250 was fine with it. 725 00:30:40.710 --> 00:30:43.170 Yeah, look, you must get so many comments about the twins. 726 00:30:43.269 --> 00:30:44.710 It's ridiculous, isn't it? 727 00:30:45.109 --> 00:30:47.309 Well, the best comment I ever get, and it's the 728 00:30:47.349 --> 00:30:49.269

standard one that I'm sure you know is coming, literally, 729 00:30:49.630 --> 00:30:52.089 And they just say, you know, people at a gig, 730 00:30:52.109 --> 00:30:56.259 they'll just say, like, shag the twins. I go, well, 731 00:30:58.019 --> 00:31:01.359 I've given up denying, so I just go, yes, and 732 00:31:01.400 --> 00:31:04.490 their mother. And, you know, and they go, oh, yeah, 733 00:31:04.529 --> 00:31:06.230 good on you, mate. Yeah, can't blame you for that. 734 00:31:07.269 --> 00:31:11.089 It's amazing. 735 00:31:11.509 --> 00:31:14.250 It is sometimes easier just to just let people have 736 00:31:14.289 --> 00:31:17.099 what they want to hear. People go, oh, I think 737 00:31:17.119 --> 00:31:19.359 you went to school with my husband. I'm like, all right. 738 00:31:19.579 --> 00:31:21.039 And they show me a photo of him. I'm like, well, 739 00:31:21.059 --> 00:31:23.200 he didn't look. He wasn't a 45-year-old father of two 740 00:31:23.259 --> 00:31:26.759 at school. And I used to go, I don't remember. 741 00:31:26.799 --> 00:31:28.339 Now I go, oh, yeah, I know him. Even though 742 00:31:28.380 --> 00:31:30.140 I know the amount of people I've agreed I went 743 00:31:30.160 --> 00:31:30.849 to school with. Yes. 744 00:31:32.400 --> 00:31:34.579 And I get the people who lie as well. They go, yeah, 745 00:31:34.599 --> 00:31:37.980 I was on Funhouse, class of 92, you know. And 746 00:31:38.029 --> 00:31:41.730 I go, oh, right, yeah. How was it for you? 747 00:31:42.390 --> 00:31:43.970 What team are you on? What colour? They go, oh, 748 00:31:44.029 --> 00:31:45.950 green team. I go, well, it's only red or yellow, 749 00:31:46.009 --> 00:31:50.910 so it should be. 750 00:31:50.950 --> 00:31:54.230 Was it weird being left in charge of, you were 751 00:31:54.529 --> 00:31:57.250 a parent at the start of it, obviously, but you're 752 00:31:57.289 --> 00:31:59.329 in charge of all these kids on Funhouse. 753 00:31:59.369 --> 00:31:59.990 What was it like? 754 00:32:01.019 --> 00:32:03.109 Relating to those kids that were on TV, did you 755 00:32:03.160 --> 00:32:04.730 feel like you were having to look after them as 756 00:32:04.789 --> 00:32:06.089 much as present the TV show? 757 00:32:06.930 --> 00:32:09.970 Well, they had chaperones. They had people who looked after them, obviously, when, 758 00:32:10.029 --> 00:32:12.630 you know, between sort of the shots. And obviously the 759 00:32:12.730 --> 00:32:15.210 twins were also given the main job. So, you know, 760 00:32:15.349 --> 00:32:19.019 Martina being yellow, not green, and Melanie being red, not green, 761 00:32:19.359 --> 00:32:22.140 would look after their respective twins. And I would just 762 00:32:22.160 --> 00:32:24.759 sort of stroll in to give them the money shots, 763 00:32:24.799 --> 00:32:26.680 you know, as in, hey, 25 points. 764 00:32:28.490 --> 00:32:31.089 We said respective twins. Were all the guests twins? 765 00:32:31.529 --> 00:32:33.670 No, no, not the guests. The cheerleaders. 766 00:32:34.390 --> 00:32:35.750 I knew they were twins. Yeah, sorry. 767 00:32:35.789 --> 00:32:37.529 But when you said their respective. 768 00:32:37.150 --> 00:32:39.630 Twins, I thought they got given twins. I didn't know 769 00:32:39.650 --> 00:32:41.210 the contestant was also a twin. 770 00:32:41.269 --> 00:32:43.269 Can you imagine? That's so clever. 771 00:32:43.289 --> 00:32:44.049 That's a cast, isn't it? 772 00:32:44.650 --> 00:32:47.289 I normally hear things in different ways. I'm quite used 773 00:32:47.309 --> 00:32:49.250 to that with the radio. And you heard that differently. 774 00:32:49.269 --> 00:32:51.470 That's very good. Very good. 775 00:32:51.539 --> 00:32:53.859 I didn't know that. That's been so hard to cast 776 00:32:53.880 --> 00:32:55.099 them all. Series 14. 777 00:32:55.099 --> 00:32:58.039 There's got to be some more twins somewhere, hasn't there? 778 00:32:58.099 --> 00:33:00.420 I've got two of a triplet. Can we have them in? Surely. 779 00:33:00.599 --> 00:33:07.640 And they look so different. Oh, sorry. I did just 780 00:33:07.660 --> 00:33:08.160 mishear that. 781 00:33:08.180 --> 00:33:11.619 I mean, when you're dropping your kids at school and stuff, right? 782 00:33:11.700 --> 00:33:11.849 So. 783 00:33:12.609 --> 00:33:14.869 And you're on the most, how many people are watching 784 00:33:14.910 --> 00:33:16.869 Funhouse at this point? Do we know? 785 00:33:16.930 --> 00:33:19.890 Well, crazy figures, seven or eight million, sometimes ten. 786 00:33:20.109 --> 00:33:20.970 Wow. 787 00:33:21.250 --> 00:33:23.369 Yeah, five to five on a Friday afternoon. 788 00:33:23.549 --> 00:33:26.670 Yeah, that's amazing. So when you're turning up at school 789 00:33:26.730 --> 00:33:30.349 to drop your children off at school, that must have 790 00:33:30.390 --> 00:33:33.470 been like pretty exciting for all the other kids there, right? 791 00:33:34.609 --> 00:33:36.710 Unless Dave Benson Phillips' kids are also going there, I 792 00:33:36.710 --> 00:33:37.150 don't know. 793 00:33:38.569 --> 00:33:41.269 Well, he didn't have any kids until he was quite 794 00:33:41.289 --> 00:33:42.369 a bit older than me, so I had a head 795 00:33:42.410 --> 00:33:45.069 start on him with the gunge and the kids. But 796 00:33:45.410 --> 00:33:45.710 I think. 797 00:33:46.190 --> 00:33:49.970 Oh, did he nick the gunge from you? Well, it was... 798 00:33:49.470 --> 00:33:51.029 Who was the gunge originator? 799 00:33:51.869 --> 00:33:54.289 Well, do you know what? When Dick and Dom did 800 00:33:54.329 --> 00:33:57.410 their final Saturday morning show on the Beeb a good 801 00:33:57.470 --> 00:34:00.069 few years ago, they had me on, and I was 802 00:34:00.130 --> 00:34:02.769 a guest as the godfather of gunge, so I think 803 00:34:02.789 --> 00:34:03.369 that says it all. 804 00:34:03.809 --> 00:34:10.940 LAUGHTER See you in court, David Benson Phillips. 805 00:34:10.960 --> 00:34:13.820 It's official. But

I would go to school, and Josh 806 00:34:13.860 --> 00:34:16.420 mentioned that. We would drive our kids to school because 807 00:34:16.440 --> 00:34:18.199 it was a bit far away, and then one day 808 00:34:18.519 --> 00:34:19.960 it would be me and my wife, and the next 809 00:34:20.000 --> 00:34:22.619 day some friends of ours, and obviously there would be 810 00:34:22.659 --> 00:34:25.320 their kids, and it was a rota. And a guy 811 00:34:25.380 --> 00:34:29.860 called Darren Richman, who was, ironically, this is worth a 812 00:34:29.880 --> 00:34:33.579 mention here, a quick plug on your podcast, the co-author 813 00:34:33.659 --> 00:34:36.880 of my book, Rerun the Fund. which came out last 814 00:34:36.920 --> 00:34:39.059 year and isn't out in paperback until October, but it's 815 00:34:39.079 --> 00:34:39.679 well worth a buy. 816 00:34:40.079 --> 00:34:41.820 I'm going to definitely buy the book. Was it Rerun 817 00:34:41.860 --> 00:34:42.199 the Fun? 818 00:34:42.639 --> 00:34:44.099 Yeah, Rerun the Fun, Rob. 819 00:34:44.360 --> 00:34:46.989 I'm 100% buying that for people for Christmas. And I 820 00:34:47.050 --> 00:34:49.269 say that as someone who's written a book about the 90s. 821 00:34:49.869 --> 00:34:52.929 I feel like I've been completely... Actually, somebody who knows 822 00:34:52.989 --> 00:34:54.699 about the 90s has written a book as well. So 823 00:34:54.739 --> 00:34:56.079 I feel, don't buy mine, buy Pat's. 824 00:34:56.420 --> 00:34:59.460 Yeah, but mine is a spoof memoir. It says on 825 00:34:59.480 --> 00:35:02.309 the front cover, based on an untrue story. So you 826 00:35:02.349 --> 00:35:04.170 have to get into it and judge which bits are 827 00:35:04.190 --> 00:35:06.670 true and which bits aren't. But it's a lot more 828 00:35:06.710 --> 00:35:08.980 fun than my real life. So that's why we thought it. 829 00:35:09.420 --> 00:35:10.659 That's why we called it Rerun the Fund. 830 00:35:10.679 --> 00:35:12.320 Oh, it's got amazing reviews as well. 831 00:35:12.619 --> 00:35:14.530 It has. No, it really has. It did really well. 832 00:35:14.570 --> 00:35:18.250 Yeah, from GQ, a funny relief from the Dumpster Fighters 2020, hilarious, racy, 833 00:35:18.349 --> 00:35:20.949 and largely untrue, The Guardian. Yeah, you smashed it. Look 834 00:35:21.010 --> 00:35:21.309 at this. 835 00:35:21.630 --> 00:35:24.670 Oh, thanks, mate. But this is Darren and Luke, the 836 00:35:24.710 --> 00:35:29.650 main writers. I just contributed. So Darren Richman sat in 837 00:35:29.670 --> 00:35:32.570 the back of my car with my boys and our 838 00:35:32.610 --> 00:35:34.530 daughter and his brother on the way to school. It's 839 00:35:34.550 --> 00:35:37.909 a very big car. And, um, we, uh, we, we 840 00:35:37.929 --> 00:35:39.320 used to take the kids and, you know, my kids 841 00:35:39.340 --> 00:35:41.199 would get out and say, thanks, daddy. Bye-bye. Have a 842 00:35:41.400 --> 00:35:44.219 good day. Bye-bye. He never said, thank

you. Never said 843 00:35:44.260 --> 00:35:46.780 a word, Darren. Every time I looked in the mirror and, uh, 844 00:35:46.900 --> 00:35:48.980 and the look back at the traffic or whatever was 845 00:35:49.000 --> 00:35:50.780 going on, I'd see his eyes looking at me like 846 00:35:50.940 --> 00:35:53.719 Damien from the movie, the Omen. So who's this? 847 00:35:54.030 --> 00:35:56.210 Who's your, your friend's son? Yeah. 848 00:35:56.409 --> 00:35:59.469 Who, who, who 30 years later comes to me and says, oh, 849 00:35:59.469 --> 00:36:01.250 I want to write a book on fun house. It 850 00:36:01.269 --> 00:36:03.699 was my favorite show. And I never said thank you 851 00:36:03.760 --> 00:36:06.050 because you, you, you know, you were driving me to 852 00:36:06.090 --> 00:36:07.750 school and you were the guy who hosted Funhouse and 853 00:36:07.769 --> 00:36:09.829 I was a bit over enamored with it all. So, 854 00:36:10.050 --> 00:36:12.550 so that's why. And so, so we did the book 855 00:36:12.570 --> 00:36:15.210 together with another guy, you know, called Josh. That was good. 856 00:36:16.380 --> 00:36:17.699 So you used to drive him to school and then 857 00:36:17.840 --> 00:36:19.019 you end up writing a book with him, but he 858 00:36:19.059 --> 00:36:21.019 was too nervous to say thank you. 859 00:36:21.619 --> 00:36:23.840 Yeah, that's exactly it. And literally he came to me 860 00:36:23.840 --> 00:36:26.039 30 years later and he's, he's been writing for the 861 00:36:26.260 --> 00:36:30.550 independent and loads of newspapers and he's a, He's quite 862 00:36:30.570 --> 00:36:33.980 a prolific theatre guy and does various different things with comedy. 863 00:36:34.179 --> 00:36:36.559 He loves you guys. When I told him I was 864 00:36:36.579 --> 00:36:40.539 speaking to you guys, he's a huge fan. Thank you. 865 00:36:41.079 --> 00:36:42.719 I would say thank you, but I'm a little bit nervous. 866 00:36:44.199 --> 00:36:47.179 Well, come back to me in three decades and it'll be. 867 00:36:52.239 --> 00:36:56.179 Fine. With the grandkids now, do you notice how different 868 00:36:56.199 --> 00:36:59.780 it was when your kids were that young? With your children, 869 00:37:00.840 --> 00:37:04.139 is there many big differences of what happens with babies 870 00:37:04.199 --> 00:37:05.769 now to 30-odd years ago, Pat? 871 00:37:06.840 --> 00:37:10.420 Oh, my goodness. I'm so pleased you brought this up. Apparently, 872 00:37:11.000 --> 00:37:16.559 babies can't have water until they're about 37 now. And 873 00:37:16.980 --> 00:37:19.400 you can't put them on their side for more than 874 00:37:19.519 --> 00:37:21.900 four seconds, and then you can't do this. I mean, 875 00:37:21.980 --> 00:37:25.099 our kids were gnawing the side of their cot and 876 00:37:25.139 --> 00:37:27.889 eating the paint, and they were drinking out of a hosepipe. 877 00:37:28.739 --> 00:37:30.929 And I took Nicky. I mentioned this earlier. I forgot 878 00:37:30.949 --> 00:37:33.210 to say it because I got sidetracked. When he was 879 00:37:33.250 --> 00:37:35.210 about three or four years old, I took him to 880 00:37:35.250 --> 00:37:37.710 see Def Leppard and Eric Clapton in the same night. 881 00:37:38.110 --> 00:37:39.869 I mean, can you imagine someone doing that now? They go, oh, no, 882 00:37:39.869 --> 00:37:43.280 you couldn't possibly do that. Please put the ear defenders on. 883 00:37:43.320 --> 00:37:46.420 I mean, you know, we were just having a blast. 884 00:37:46.500 --> 00:37:49.860 I took him to California. We went from San Francisco 885 00:37:49.920 --> 00:37:53.130 to L.A. on the U.S. 101 and then into Vegas. 886 00:37:53.590 --> 00:37:56.010 and he was only a kid, and I was teaching 887 00:37:56.050 --> 00:37:59.130 him how to go, schwing, schwing, because Wayne's World was out. 888 00:37:59.489 --> 00:38:05.219 So we were having the best time. Things have changed, apparently. 889 00:38:05.239 --> 00:38:06.219 You can't do any of that stuff. 890 00:38:07.360 --> 00:38:09.460 Do your kids tell you off then for doing it 891 00:38:09.480 --> 00:38:13.099 wrong when you're holding the baby and things like that? 892 00:38:13.119 --> 00:38:13.699 They do. 893 00:38:14.119 --> 00:38:16.289 They really do. And I have to ask, I go, Oh, 894 00:38:16.349 --> 00:38:18.530 is it okay? Yeah, can I pick her up? Yeah, 895 00:38:18.550 --> 00:38:19.829 is that all right? Can I pick him up? Yeah, 896 00:38:19.929 --> 00:38:22.239 is that okay? How long now? Oh, sorry, due for 897 00:38:22.260 --> 00:38:25.460 a nap. Okay, straight. And the timings, they go, on 898 00:38:25.539 --> 00:38:29.579 FaceTime with Nicky in America and his wife Giordano, it's like, 899 00:38:29.840 --> 00:38:33.389 got to go, it's quarter to nap time. And I go, oh, 900 00:38:34.210 --> 00:38:35.909 maybe do it at 10 to, or would that break 901 00:38:35.949 --> 00:38:37.710 the whole thing? No, no, got to go. 902 00:38:37.730 --> 00:38:37.929 Yeah. 903 00:38:42.289 --> 00:38:43.949 It must be so hard, though, your, you know, your 904 00:38:43.989 --> 00:38:47.039 grandchild being away because it's, you know, only two years old. 905 00:38:47.119 --> 00:38:50.019 Lockdown must have started when it was like six months 906 00:38:50.099 --> 00:38:50.719 old or something. 907 00:38:50.760 --> 00:38:53.320 Yeah, exactly right. Most of her life, Kaya's her name, 908 00:38:53.360 --> 00:38:55.280 most of her life has been in lockdown. But we 909 00:38:55.320 --> 00:38:56.650 have been able to see her a couple of times. 910 00:38:56.690 --> 00:39:00.090 She's been over a couple of times because she has 911 00:39:00.170 --> 00:39:03.369 dual nationality because she's American. She has to have, obviously, 912 00:39:03.510 --> 00:39:06.239 people with her to travel and so therefore are. Our 913 00:39:06.280 --> 00:39:08.289 son and his wife are English, are able to bring 914 00:39:08.349 --> 00:39:10.570 her backwards and forwards from the States,

whereas we can't 915 00:39:10.630 --> 00:39:12.869 go to the States. So that's quite good. 916 00:39:13.369 --> 00:39:14.170 Oh, that's worthwhile. 917 00:39:14.429 --> 00:39:16.949 Yeah, we have seen her. And, you know, they FaceTime 918 00:39:17.030 --> 00:39:19.710 us and stuff. So we see her every day in 919 00:39:19.730 --> 00:39:21.210 the park or in the bath or whatever. And she 920 00:39:21.250 --> 00:39:24.010 knows us well enough now from seeing us a couple 921 00:39:24.030 --> 00:39:26.829 of times or a few times that, you know, that 922 00:39:27.010 --> 00:39:29.349 even on FaceTime it works. So that's an amazing thing 923 00:39:29.389 --> 00:39:31.480 to have these days. if you've got kids far away 924 00:39:31.539 --> 00:39:32.719 or grandkids going. 925 00:39:32.579 --> 00:39:35.739 Through the teenage years of your children what was that 926 00:39:35.820 --> 00:39:38.739 like because me and rob like we present this podcast 927 00:39:38.760 --> 00:39:40.880 from the position of people that only really understand the 928 00:39:40.920 --> 00:39:44.079 first few years of parenting how tough was it being 929 00:39:44.099 --> 00:39:46.849 the parent of teenagers you know i. 930 00:39:46.909 --> 00:39:50.550 Don't remember our kids being that awful i do remember 931 00:39:50.570 --> 00:39:52.510 what i have to say they they did all try 932 00:39:52.530 --> 00:39:54.630 and leave home with like a knapsack at one point 933 00:39:54.730 --> 00:39:57.130 so they kind of like you know they i'm going 934 00:39:57.150 --> 00:39:59.070 to find my fortune and they went off like dick 935 00:39:59.090 --> 00:40:01.110 whittington and just went you know oh i go where 936 00:40:01.130 --> 00:40:02.210 are you going then and they got to the end 937 00:40:02.230 --> 00:40:04.030 of the road they go oh i'll go to pete's 938 00:40:04.050 --> 00:40:06.389 house i go all right yeah you check with his 939 00:40:06.429 --> 00:40:09.019 parents or not yeah you know maybe that perhaps that 940 00:40:09.059 --> 00:40:11.559 won't work they go and then 10 minutes later they 941 00:40:11.599 --> 00:40:13.699 were a bit hungry and came back so uh Yeah, 942 00:40:13.739 --> 00:40:15.340 you know, you're going to get issues. But I don't 943 00:40:15.360 --> 00:40:18.420 remember them being that bad. They've always been good kids, 944 00:40:18.519 --> 00:40:21.070 and that's due to our fine parenting skills. 945 00:40:21.409 --> 00:40:23.809 Are you the disciplinarian, or is that your wife that 946 00:40:23.829 --> 00:40:25.730 does that? 947 00:40:27.010 --> 00:40:30.230 Yeah, probably more Monica. She's Scandinavian, so they're a bit fiery. 948 00:40:30.250 --> 00:40:31.489 You know, she likes to shout a bit. 949 00:40:33.230 --> 00:40:35.400 When they were kids, I know you get asked a 950 00:40:35.440 --> 00:40:37.960 lot about your hair, Pat, and I do apologize for that. 951 00:40:38.889 --> 00:40:40.769 How do you manage to get the hair question into 952 00:40:40.809 --> 00:40:43.829 a podcast about kids? Were they born with a mullet? 953 00:40:44.739 --> 00:40:50.039 I can see the mullet. The mullet's coming through first. 954 00:40:54.219 --> 00:40:57.059 When you're taking your kids for the haircut, Pat, and 955 00:40:57.099 --> 00:40:59.769 you've got the mullet, did any of them give the 956 00:40:59.789 --> 00:41:01.719 mullet to any of your children when they were growing up? 957 00:41:03.000 --> 00:41:05.119 Nicky had quite long hair when he was a kid. 958 00:41:05.159 --> 00:41:08.340 We just let it grow, and it wasn't ridiculous mullet style, 959 00:41:08.360 --> 00:41:10.519 but it was sort of that pudding bowl haircut where 960 00:41:10.539 --> 00:41:12.460 it sort of just goes over the eyes a bit 961 00:41:12.480 --> 00:41:14.199 and you can't see where you're going like a dog. 962 00:41:14.880 --> 00:41:17.679 It wasn't fair on him because he bumped into everybody 963 00:41:17.719 --> 00:41:19.519 at Chasing the World of Adventures when he was trying 964 00:41:19.539 --> 00:41:22.320 to get me to go on the rides. I think 965 00:41:22.380 --> 00:41:24.690 that you can't do that to a kid, can you? 966 00:41:24.699 --> 00:41:27.300 It wouldn't be fair. A junior Joe Exotic is no 967 00:41:27.340 --> 00:41:31.170 fun for anyone. LAUGHTER I think, no, they just had normal, 968 00:41:31.210 --> 00:41:34.130 regular hairstyles. And they're normal, regular kids who've grown up 969 00:41:34.170 --> 00:41:36.670 into normal, regular adults. So it's all good. 970 00:41:37.070 --> 00:41:39.530 Have any of them followed you into show business? 971 00:41:40.429 --> 00:41:44.400 Absolutely not. No. In America, he's in IT recruitment. And 972 00:41:45.000 --> 00:41:48.659 Charlotte's a makeup artist. And Daniel works with my production company. 973 00:41:48.719 --> 00:41:50.699 So at the end of the day, no, they haven't. Well, 974 00:41:50.719 --> 00:41:53.360 I mean, working with the production companies, we do jingles 975 00:41:53.400 --> 00:41:56.030 and music imaging and commercial production and stuff like that. 976 00:41:56.489 --> 00:41:59.940 So that's similar. But I don't think. any of them 977 00:42:00.039 --> 00:42:03.139 have any wish to jump on a stage and say, 978 00:42:03.320 --> 00:42:04.659 welcome to the weekend. 979 00:42:05.900 --> 00:42:08.179 None of them want a BMX onto the stage and 980 00:42:08.239 --> 00:42:09.300 cover Children in Gunge. 981 00:42:09.420 --> 00:42:11.559 Yeah, can you imagine that? Yeah, I think I was 982 00:42:12.199 --> 00:42:15.699 riding a BMX onto a TV show aged 28, which 983 00:42:15.739 --> 00:42:23.250 was just really odd. And in BMX bright clothing as well. 984 00:42:23.349 --> 00:42:26.289 It's an amazing kind of thing to have happened to you. 985 00:42:27.150 --> 00:42:29.760 that you were such a kind of big deal on 986 00:42:30.880 --> 00:42:35.320 children's TV during your children's kind of childhood. I've said 987 00:42:35.340 -->

00:42:37.400 the word child too many times in that sentence. It 988 00:42:37.440 --> 00:42:40.400 was very clumsy. I was looking for variant words and 989 00:42:40.420 --> 00:42:41.340 I couldn't come up with one. 990 00:42:41.760 --> 00:42:42.219 Kids. 991 00:42:43.159 --> 00:42:44.090 Kids, thank you. 992 00:42:44.250 --> 00:42:44.829 Blimey. 993 00:42:46.150 --> 00:42:51.130 I've got a baby. I'm very tired, Pat. Very tired indeed. 994 00:42:51.690 --> 00:42:54.409 Did you realise at the time what a kind of 995 00:42:54.829 --> 00:42:58.119 exciting moment thing to be involved in it was Funhouse. 996 00:42:59.059 --> 00:43:00.760 I don't think you do at the time. I mean, 997 00:43:00.780 --> 00:43:02.699 do you realise when you guys are on the telly 998 00:43:02.739 --> 00:43:04.409 that what you're doing is being seen by loads of 999 00:43:04.429 --> 00:43:06.150 people and everybody loves you? I mean, I don't know. 1000 00:43:06.230 --> 00:43:06.849 I mean, you know. 1001 00:43:06.929 --> 00:43:09.829 Not on TV anymore, Pat. We dream of eight million. 1002 00:43:10.530 --> 00:43:12.409 We dream of eight million. No, but I mean, you 1003 00:43:12.429 --> 00:43:14.489 just go to work and do Last Leg Now, Josh. 1004 00:43:14.550 --> 00:43:17.230 But in years to come, Last Leg Now is a 1005 00:43:17.250 --> 00:43:20.849 huge show and especially around the Paralympics, it made such 1006 00:43:20.889 --> 00:43:22.469 a difference. It's the kind of thing you don't really 1007 00:43:22.909 --> 00:43:24.889 appreciate it until you stop doing it, I think. 1008 00:43:25.500 --> 00:43:28.480 I think you do. I think I've certainly, and you 1009 00:43:28.519 --> 00:43:30.840 must have this with Rob and Romesh, where like you're 1010 00:43:30.909 --> 00:43:33.809 sat there, like when you're nominated for a BAFTA or 1011 00:43:33.849 --> 00:43:36.750 when you're turned on the skybox and it says Rob 1012 00:43:36.789 --> 00:43:41.090 and Romesh as the main thing. I'm always going, try 1013 00:43:41.130 --> 00:43:43.150 and remember this, try and enjoy this, all that kind 1014 00:43:43.190 --> 00:43:44.780 of stuff. Were you doing that with Funhouse? 1015 00:43:45.610 --> 00:43:48.139 No, you really weren't. You treated it as your job 1016 00:43:48.519 --> 00:43:50.980 and you went and did your job and you did 1017 00:43:51.000 --> 00:43:53.019 it to the best of your ability, but you didn't 1018 00:43:53.159 --> 00:43:56.420 realise that in all these years to come, you would 1019 00:43:56.460 --> 00:43:58.699 be called a cult by people. I think that's what 1020 00:43:58.760 --> 00:44:03.219 it was. I hear it all the time from car windows. 1021 00:44:03.639 --> 00:44:10.690 And with your grown-up kids now, is it difficult as 1022 00:44:10.710 --> 00:44:15.170 a grandparent to... You say that like parenting is very 1023 00:44:15.210 --> 00:44:17.469 different now and all that kind of stuff. I don't 1024 00:44:17.510 --> 00:44:19.940 know if I'd find it easy to just let them 1025 00:44:20.000 --> 00:44:23.440 do it in their own way completely without offering advice 1026 00:44:23.519 --> 00:44:25.619 or without going, oh, do you know I did it? Like, 1027 00:44:26.099 --> 00:44:28.199 do you find you have to sit back or are 1028 00:44:28.820 --> 00:44:29.679 you an interferer? 1029 00:44:30.760 --> 00:44:33.280 I find that it's probably better to sit back and 1030 00:44:33.300 --> 00:44:35.530 just discuss it with your partner, your wife, your husband, 1031 00:44:35.570 --> 00:44:39.969 because The kids who now have the kids, i.e. you guys, 1032 00:44:40.010 --> 00:44:41.750 compared to, say, your parents, are they going to be 1033 00:44:41.769 --> 00:44:45.090 the people who are running the show? And you're reading things, 1034 00:44:45.130 --> 00:44:47.920 you're going to classes, you're doing things online, and things 1035 00:44:48.019 --> 00:44:50.940 are done differently. And everything has a safety aspect now. 1036 00:44:50.980 --> 00:44:53.519 Health and safety is prominent these days. And we didn't 1037 00:44:53.539 --> 00:44:55.320 know about a lot of stuff. But I had no 1038 00:44:55.400 --> 00:44:58.159 idea that kids now, honestly, cannot have water until a 1039 00:44:58.179 --> 00:45:01.199 certain age. And yet our kids have water. They were thirsty, 1040 00:45:01.260 --> 00:45:03.210 so they had some water when they were babies. But 1041 00:45:03.230 --> 00:45:04.829 apparently you cannot give a baby water. 1042 00:45:05.449 --> 00:45:07.849 The car seats, the car seats are so heavy. Have 1043 00:45:07.869 --> 00:45:11.190 you dealt with your five-week-old car seat yet? Absolutely. 1044 00:45:11.250 --> 00:45:13.690 I mean, no offense, I cannot get that out now 1045 00:45:13.769 --> 00:45:15.530 for the life of me. 1046 00:45:15.969 --> 00:45:17.010 That's there forever, Pat. 1047 00:45:17.449 --> 00:45:19.360 And there's a thing, you have to turn it around 1048 00:45:19.409 --> 00:45:21.599 as well at an angle. It swings around like the 1049 00:45:21.659 --> 00:45:23.820 girl in The Exorcist, her head. And I go, whoa, 1050 00:45:23.880 --> 00:45:28.269 what's going on? And, you know, I don't do it. 1051 00:45:28.300 --> 00:45:30.519 My wife does all that stuff. And then we just 1052 00:45:30.659 --> 00:45:32.280 call our kids and get them to do it because 1053 00:45:32.340 --> 00:45:32.800 we can't. 1054 00:45:34.199 --> 00:45:37.199 Yeah, the isofix, the level of safety in the isofix. 1055 00:45:37.280 --> 00:45:39.139 It's like they're going up to space. It's like an 1056 00:45:39.179 --> 00:45:39.980 astronaut's chair. 1057 00:45:40.619 --> 00:45:42.579 The green and the red bits as well. And you're like, 1058 00:45:42.800 --> 00:45:44.360 is that a proper green? I don't know if I've 1059 00:45:44.440 --> 00:45:45.400 properly greened that. 1060 00:45:45.480 --> 00:45:47.420 Or amber. What's that, safe enough? 1061 00:45:48.280 --> 00:45:48.539 Amber. 1062 00:45:48.820 --> 00:45:51.000

It's either red or green, surely, with a seatbelt. 1063 00:45:53.260 --> 00:45:56.860 Do you feel completely confident? Like, have you got, with 1064 00:45:56.920 --> 00:46:01.469 a baby, like, do you have the same... confidence with 1065 00:46:01.550 --> 00:46:03.110 a baby that you kind of got when you were 1066 00:46:03.130 --> 00:46:06.010 in your twenties and thirties, when you had children, like, 1067 00:46:06.030 --> 00:46:07.510 does that stay with you? Or do you feel like, 1068 00:46:07.869 --> 00:46:10.380 like riding, like riding your BMX, Pat? No one ever 1069 00:46:10.420 --> 00:46:11.800 forgets how to ride a BMX. 1070 00:46:12.739 --> 00:46:15.059 Well, I had, I never had a BMX. I wanted 1071 00:46:15.099 --> 00:46:16.619 a rally chopper when I was a kid and I 1072 00:46:16.639 --> 00:46:18.820 got an Ellswick hopper with a basket on the front. 1073 00:46:18.840 --> 00:46:21.630 So I was, uh, not the most popular kid in school, but, uh, 1074 00:46:22.239 --> 00:46:26.949 But with our grandchildren, you are much more safety conscious. 1075 00:46:26.989 --> 00:46:29.309 You're much more aware. My wife is saying, don't do that. 1076 00:46:29.650 --> 00:46:31.469 Follow her up the slide. Follow her up the slide. 1077 00:46:31.690 --> 00:46:33.409 Stand on the top. Stand on the top. And I'm going, 1078 00:46:33.650 --> 00:46:35.159 for goodness sake, it's a kid. We did this with 1079 00:46:35.219 --> 00:46:36.739 our kids. She's going, no, you can't. And then she 1080 00:46:36.780 --> 00:46:39.820 realizes that we have turned into our parents the way 1081 00:46:39.840 --> 00:46:41.239 they used to talk to us. That's all it is. 1082 00:46:41.420 --> 00:46:44.460 We're just really, really careful because it's not our kids. 1083 00:46:44.659 --> 00:46:47.130 We've got to be careful. And heaven forbid, you know, 1084 00:46:47.369 --> 00:46:49.590 they give you their kids and then you take them 1085 00:46:49.650 --> 00:46:50.969 out for the day and you come back and they've 1086 00:46:50.989 --> 00:46:52.570 got a, you know, a cut or a bruise. 1087 00:46:52.650 --> 00:46:53.289 Oh yeah. 1088 00:46:53.849 --> 00:46:56.349 Oh, that's not for us. We want a very safe day. 1089 00:46:56.389 --> 00:46:57.909 We might just, you know, keep them in the car 1090 00:46:57.949 --> 00:47:03.010 seat and say we couldn't get out. Just stuck in there. Yeah. 1091 00:47:03.050 --> 00:47:05.829 No risk, no risk at all there. Just keep them 1092 00:47:05.849 --> 00:47:07.090 strapped in. 1093 00:47:07.110 --> 00:47:08.760 What kind of things do you do with your, what 1094 00:47:09.070 --> 00:47:11.420 would be your day out that you take your grandchildren on? 1095 00:47:12.199 --> 00:47:14.949 Well, Obviously, we haven't done too many of those because 1096 00:47:14.989 --> 00:47:17.440 we haven't had our granddaughter. She's the only one who's 1097 00:47:17.639 --> 00:47:19.639 kind of suitable at the moment because Jaden is only 1098 00:47:19.719 --> 00:47:23.599 five weeks old. So with Kaya, we took her to 1099 00:47:23.619 --> 00:47:26.059 the park. We took her to a place called Willow 1100 00:47:26.139 --> 00:47:28.650 Farm where she got to see the animals and do 1101 00:47:28.670 --> 00:47:32.010 stuff like that and watch a little show. She's really 1102 00:47:32.030 --> 00:47:35.409 content just being a grandkid, often sitting in front of 1103 00:47:37.010 --> 00:47:41.909 Luca on Netflix or something. So, you know... I just 1104 00:47:41.949 --> 00:47:44.110 enjoy any time with her, even reading her story or 1105 00:47:44.150 --> 00:47:46.250 giving her a bath or whatever. I mean, she loved 1106 00:47:46.289 --> 00:47:50.010 the bath because when she was here last time, one 1107 00:47:50.050 --> 00:47:52.409 of our baths has just a shower at the top 1108 00:47:52.449 --> 00:47:54.869 of it, as many baths do. And literally, I was 1109 00:47:54.949 --> 00:47:58.590 changing the tap water from coming into the bath to 1110 00:47:58.650 --> 00:48:00.510 then moving it to the shower. And she thought she 1111 00:48:00.550 --> 00:48:03.010 was under a waterfall because it was just the best 1112 00:48:03.059 --> 00:48:05.780 fun for her. And she was screaming with laughter every 1113 00:48:05.820 --> 00:48:07.800 time I changed it from the tap to the waterfall, 1114 00:48:07.960 --> 00:48:10.639 tap to the waterfall. And she loved that. So, you know, 1115 00:48:10.840 --> 00:48:13.179 just natural, fun things that you did with your kids. 1116 00:48:13.219 --> 00:48:14.889 And I've got, you know, I've got a couple of 1117 00:48:14.969 --> 00:48:17.409 laser pens as well that I use sometimes at my gigs, 1118 00:48:17.429 --> 00:48:20.889 you know, safety, of course. And she loves the laser pen. 1119 00:48:20.929 --> 00:48:22.210 I just put it on the walls and on the 1120 00:48:22.250 --> 00:48:24.349 floor and she just runs after this dot, you know. 1121 00:48:26.010 --> 00:48:28.190 Great idea. 1122 00:48:28.280 --> 00:48:30.679 It's that weird, isn't it? Like you can buy all 1123 00:48:30.699 --> 00:48:34.840 these toys. We've got, but that's not normally like the 1124 00:48:34.900 --> 00:48:37.960 thing that the child, we've got a, tube, one of 1125 00:48:38.000 --> 00:48:40.760 those tubes to take for the air con unit to 1126 00:48:40.800 --> 00:48:43.849 go outside. And my daughter has been playing with that 1127 00:48:43.889 --> 00:48:47.750 tube for the last two days because it clicks open 1128 00:48:47.769 --> 00:48:50.710 and it clicks closed. And she loves that far more 1129 00:48:50.750 --> 00:48:51.809 than anything we've spent money on. 1130 00:48:51.809 --> 00:48:53.849 You have locked her outside. She's trying to crawl back in, 1131 00:48:53.869 --> 00:48:54.530 to be fair to her. 1132 00:48:58.289 --> 00:49:00.269 The thing with kids is, and I remember this when 1133 00:49:00.289 --> 00:49:02.869 ours were little at birthdays and Christmas, you get them 1134 00:49:02.889 -->

00:49:04.840 all these presents because you want to be lovely to 1135 00:49:04.860 --> 00:49:07.130 your kids and spoil them a bit. And they literally 1136 00:49:07.150 --> 00:49:09.320 rip and open the wrapping and see in the box. 1137 00:49:09.340 --> 00:49:11.019 And they're not even bothered to open the box to 1138 00:49:11.039 --> 00:49:12.719 actually get the toy out. They're just moving on to 1139 00:49:12.739 --> 00:49:14.699 the next one. And it's all about the wrapping and 1140 00:49:14.719 --> 00:49:16.389 the boxes in the end. And they ignore the toys. 1141 00:49:16.409 --> 00:49:18.489 You should just buy them empty boxes and some wrapping 1142 00:49:18.510 --> 00:49:19.530 paper and they'll be very happy. 1143 00:49:19.780 --> 00:49:22.079 Yeah and also as well you get i think parents 1144 00:49:22.119 --> 00:49:24.489 get so worked up with the must-have toy of like 1145 00:49:24.510 --> 00:49:26.710 christmas or whatever was that was it was you ever 1146 00:49:26.750 --> 00:49:29.030 like for hunting down a buzz light year or whatever 1147 00:49:29.190 --> 00:49:31.170 at christmas for your kids or was it always a 1148 00:49:31.190 --> 00:49:32.769 bit calmer Absolutely. 1149 00:49:32.829 --> 00:49:35.329 And I was quite lucky because I did the opening 1150 00:49:35.750 --> 00:49:39.050 TV show for Euro Disney for ITV. It was me 1151 00:49:39.090 --> 00:49:41.239 and Matthew Kelly. And we took a bunch of kids 1152 00:49:41.300 --> 00:49:43.099 out there to Euro Disney. And we were there for 1153 00:49:43.139 --> 00:49:45.239 like two weeks and then did the opening show on 1154 00:49:45.280 --> 00:49:48.579 the night. And that had a huge audience, like 23 1155 00:49:48.579 --> 00:49:51.619 or 24 million, I think. And it was a massive show. 1156 00:49:51.800 --> 00:49:55.159 And they gave us literally all the Buzz Lightyears and 1157 00:49:55.179 --> 00:49:59.449 all the various toys of the time. And probably pre-Buzz Lightyear. 1158 00:49:59.469 --> 00:50:01.210 So it would have been whatever the Disney film was 1159 00:50:01.250 --> 00:50:03.829 at the time. and uh i just gave them all 1160 00:50:03.869 --> 00:50:05.389 to our kids so they were very happy with that 1161 00:50:05.449 --> 00:50:07.630 one but oh my god i can remember looking for 1162 00:50:07.670 --> 00:50:10.309 presents and stuff like you know without getting lucky like 1163 00:50:10.329 --> 00:50:12.469 that and going around hamleys and stuff and then being 1164 00:50:12.530 --> 00:50:14.309 sold out and having to get oh i tell you 1165 00:50:14.429 --> 00:50:16.510 what they did want they all wanted they were really 1166 00:50:16.550 --> 00:50:19.199 hard to get all our kids wanted furbies. 1167 00:50:19.380 --> 00:50:23.599 Furbies yeah and they were like you had to like 1168 00:50:23.659 --> 00:50:27.159 look after them and they grew and nested and then 1169 00:50:27.610 --> 00:50:30.090 And then suddenly they just, like a sort of a 1170 00:50:30.150 --> 00:50:31.889 computer or something, they just gave up the ghost and 1171 00:50:31.929 --> 00:50:33.150 they just don't do anything anymore. 1172 00:50:33.170 --> 00:50:36.170 They just died. And I think once your Furby died, 1173 00:50:36.190 --> 00:50:37.829 it was just like a dog or something. You know, 1174 00:50:37.849 --> 00:50:38.889 that's it. Sorry, he's gone. 1175 00:50:41.070 --> 00:50:43.670 The Tamagotchi, the awful crap Tamagotchi. 1176 00:50:43.690 --> 00:50:44.210 That as well. 1177 00:50:45.130 --> 00:50:47.989 I killed my Tamagotchi. I got him wet on a 1178 00:50:48.010 --> 00:50:51.559 log flume. And that's how he died. Absolute heartbreaking way. 1179 00:50:51.659 --> 00:50:54.340 I was looking after him computer-wise, but just got him wet. 1180 00:50:54.639 --> 00:50:57.860 And when Nicky was little as well, our eldest, he 1181 00:50:57.900 --> 00:50:59.650 came to the Smash Hits Awards, weren't you, with me, 1182 00:50:59.690 --> 00:51:02.130 when I won Worst Haircut for the third year in 1183 00:51:02.150 --> 00:51:05.889 a row. Is that even a prize? And I never 1184 00:51:05.929 --> 00:51:07.909 got an award for it. I just got, hey, you've won. 1185 00:51:08.429 --> 00:51:10.070 And I got listed in the magazine, but I never 1186 00:51:10.090 --> 00:51:13.300 got a trophy. So that's really unfair. He came with me, 1187 00:51:13.340 --> 00:51:15.840 and it was when the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were 1188 00:51:15.880 --> 00:51:19.840 number one with that record, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. You're 1189 00:51:19.860 --> 00:51:22.650 probably that number one. They had a number one. So Nicky, 1190 00:51:22.730 --> 00:51:25.590 who loved the turtles, because they were the biggest cartoon 1191 00:51:25.610 --> 00:51:27.360 at the time when he was growing up, he got 1192 00:51:27.420 --> 00:51:29.940 to hang out all day with the turtles until they 1193 00:51:29.980 --> 00:51:31.960 came into the green room with their heads off and 1194 00:51:31.980 --> 00:51:33.139 he was most disappointed. 1195 00:51:35.500 --> 00:51:37.820 Did you take him to lots of things like that then? 1196 00:51:37.860 --> 00:51:39.380 That must have been like, because he's got like the 1197 00:51:39.440 --> 00:51:41.880 keys to the kingdom of being a child. 1198 00:51:41.599 --> 00:51:44.719 Really, right? Yeah, everything. He came regularly week in, week 1199 00:51:44.780 --> 00:51:46.260 out to Noel's house party. He would just come with 1200 00:51:46.280 --> 00:51:49.570 me and go, hi, Noel. And what was Noel like? uh, 1201 00:51:49.920 --> 00:51:54.539 big hair and, um, and, uh, small. Well, I do 1202 00:51:54.559 --> 00:51:57.380 remember I, I, I went, I, I only rang. 1203 00:51:57.860 --> 00:52:01.389 You should have just taken him home. Let him look 1204 00:52:01.469 --> 00:52:01.889 after him. 1205 00:52:02.969 --> 00:52:06.809 Can you imagine? Noel's died. Look, it's not working anymore. 1206 00:52:06.829 --> 00:52:08.650 Josh would have come

to him on a log flume. 1207 00:52:11.650 --> 00:52:14.510 So I only, only rang the doorbell once at crinkly bottom. 1208 00:52:14.559 --> 00:52:16.539 I often appeared on it coming out of his little box. 1209 00:52:16.579 --> 00:52:18.099 He used to have these boxes that open up as 1210 00:52:18.119 --> 00:52:21.780 I remember. And, um, I rang the doorbell and he 1211 00:52:21.840 --> 00:52:23.699 was quite a bit smaller than me and I was 1212 00:52:23.739 --> 00:52:25.440 on a step to make me look even taller the 1213 00:52:25.460 --> 00:52:27.500 other side. And he looked straight up at me and went, 1214 00:52:28.699 --> 00:52:31.619 look at your hair. And I went, you can talk. 1215 00:52:33.599 --> 00:52:35.380 And I think it was rehearsed and planned. But either 1216 00:52:35.420 --> 00:52:36.800 way from there, it was a bit of banter at 1217 00:52:37.260 --> 00:52:39.829 the doorbell. And then I went off again and then 1218 00:52:39.849 --> 00:52:40.630 I wasn't asked back. 1219 00:52:41.010 --> 00:52:44.130 Oh, Edmunds didn't like the hair banter. 1220 00:52:44.739 --> 00:52:47.150 Well, you couldn't take it. It's a lot of that 1221 00:52:47.269 --> 00:52:50.190 in my book, actually. There's a couple of chapters on 1222 00:52:50.269 --> 00:52:52.530 going to a party with Noel, but is it fact 1223 00:52:52.590 --> 00:52:54.829 or is it fantasy? I'll leave it for you guys 1224 00:52:54.869 --> 00:52:55.590 to decide. 1225 00:52:55.809 --> 00:52:57.769 Well, it must be weird in that world because obviously 1226 00:52:57.789 --> 00:53:01.360 you seem very level-headed and with it, but you can 1227 00:53:01.400 --> 00:53:04.440 imagine the sort of mad egos of that time when, 1228 00:53:04.480 --> 00:53:08.260 you know, 23 million people watch you on that other 1229 00:53:08.280 --> 00:53:10.380 show and 10 million people, when it all gets big 1230 00:53:10.420 --> 00:53:12.860 figures like that and people are in demand and getting 1231 00:53:12.909 --> 00:53:15.269 paid well and they're the flavor of the month. You 1232 00:53:15.309 --> 00:53:16.909 must have noticed that of a lot of people, big 1233 00:53:16.989 --> 00:53:20.250 egos and things like that. Did you notice that from others? 1234 00:53:21.070 --> 00:53:24.480 I suppose some people were a bit more into what 1235 00:53:24.500 --> 00:53:25.960 they were doing than me. And I just took it 1236 00:53:25.980 --> 00:53:27.420 with a pinch of salt and was just kind of 1237 00:53:27.440 --> 00:53:31.619 happy-go-lucky and nice to be important, more important to be 1238 00:53:31.659 --> 00:53:34.199 nice type thing. Because I've always think that it's just 1239 00:53:34.239 --> 00:53:36.090 pleasant to treat people the way you want to be treated. 1240 00:53:36.150 --> 00:53:38.179 So I didn't take too much into it, but maybe 1241 00:53:38.199 --> 00:53:40.599 they were. I remember going on Surprise Surprise with Cilla. 1242 00:53:40.659 --> 00:53:42.619 I mean, I went on all these great shows. I 1243 00:53:42.639 --> 00:53:46.679 went on You Bet and Surprise Surprise and Celebrity Squares 1244 00:53:46.719 --> 00:53:49.300 with Bob Monkhouse. And that was the best one. I 1245 00:53:49.340 --> 00:53:52.429 did Celebrity Squares. And I was waiting to meet Bob Monkhouse. 1246 00:53:52.449 --> 00:53:54.050 It was all quite exciting. And I was just standing 1247 00:53:54.070 --> 00:53:56.449 in a corridor, and he came walking towards me. And 1248 00:53:56.469 --> 00:53:58.170 he was with this guy. And I heard this guy 1249 00:53:58.230 --> 00:54:01.530 saying to him, right, Bob, this is Pat. He does 1250 00:54:01.550 --> 00:54:03.840 a show called Funhouse. And you've probably seen him. He's 1251 00:54:03.860 --> 00:54:06.059 got the long hair and everything. He goes, yes, yes, 1252 00:54:06.119 --> 00:54:08.059 I know. So I go, hi Bob, how are you? 1253 00:54:08.260 --> 00:54:09.619 How are you? How are you? Nice to meet you. 1254 00:54:09.679 --> 00:54:17.010 And he goes, Pat, how's the fun house? And I went, 1255 00:54:17.449 --> 00:54:19.909 you don't even know what my fun house is, but 1256 00:54:20.030 --> 00:54:20.889 it's all right. 1257 00:54:24.150 --> 00:54:26.110 I've got to ask, since you brought up you bet, 1258 00:54:26.190 --> 00:54:29.559 can you remember any of the, any of the challenges 1259 00:54:29.659 --> 00:54:30.260 that were done? 1260 00:54:30.300 --> 00:54:32.500 I love you. I want to bring you back. I'd 1261 00:54:32.519 --> 00:54:34.159 love that. That'd be my dream job to host you. 1262 00:54:34.179 --> 00:54:35.619 But if that came. 1263 00:54:35.739 --> 00:54:38.630 I'd, If Rob Beckett hosted you back, I would ask 1264 00:54:38.690 --> 00:54:41.469 to be a regular on the panel because that would 1265 00:54:41.489 --> 00:54:42.960 be the best Saturday. 1266 00:54:42.639 --> 00:54:43.420 Night of my life. 1267 00:54:43.920 --> 00:54:44.599 It was. 1268 00:54:45.019 --> 00:54:46.579 When you look back at some of these shows, when 1269 00:54:46.599 --> 00:54:48.840 they rerun them, you think, wow, was that even a 1270 00:54:48.960 --> 00:54:55.559 show that got commissioned? I did it with, did Bruce 1271 00:54:55.579 --> 00:54:57.039 Forsythe do it for a while? 1272 00:54:57.059 --> 00:54:57.440 Yeah, he did. 1273 00:54:57.480 --> 00:54:58.400 Matthew Kelly was. 1274 00:54:59.139 --> 00:54:59.840 Yeah. 1275 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.119 And I did it with Matthew and I did it with, 1276 00:55:02.300 --> 00:55:03.760 you've forgotten Darren Day. 1277 00:55:05.039 --> 00:55:05.880 Oh, Darren Day. 1278 00:55:06.079 --> 00:55:08.019 He had a good run at a few bits, didn't he? 1279 00:55:08.199 --> 00:55:08.639 Darren Day. 1280 00:55:08.699 --> 00:55:12.480 Absolutely, absolutely. Cilla Black, surprise, surprise. I went on with 1281 00:55:12.500 --> 00:55:15.760 Cilla and I had to take a viewer who won 1282 00:55:15.780 --> 00:55:19.469 a competition to meet Michael Bolton and she goes, we 1283 00:55:19.510 -->

00:55:21.849 have got someone to take you. I'm doing a great 1284 00:55:21.869 --> 00:55:25.050 Cilla impression here. We've got someone to take you, she 1285 00:55:25.090 --> 00:55:27.449 said to the winner, who you are just going to love. 1286 00:55:27.570 --> 00:55:29.690 I'm going to bring him on now. He has got 1287 00:55:30.010 --> 00:55:35.789 lovely air. His air is lovely. And I came on 1288 00:55:36.010 --> 00:55:40.679 and she goes, oh, I love your hair. And she 1289 00:55:40.780 --> 00:55:43.099 touched my mullet and sort of moved it all around. 1290 00:55:43.119 --> 00:55:45.719 And I was just going, hey, anyway, well done, winner. 1291 00:55:45.739 --> 00:55:49.460 Let's go. Come on. The limousine's waiting. We're going to 1292 00:55:49.480 --> 00:55:51.400 get to Wembley to meet Michael Bolton, even though it 1293 00:55:51.420 --> 00:55:54.260 was like, you know, in two days' time. And it 1294 00:55:54.300 --> 00:55:57.780 was just extraordinary. And Cilla was very enamored with my hair. 1295 00:55:59.420 --> 00:56:02.199 When did you decide to get rid of the hair? 1296 00:56:03.369 --> 00:56:05.309 Well, I had a phone call from my wife one 1297 00:56:05.329 --> 00:56:07.550 day when I had one of those big car phones 1298 00:56:07.679 --> 00:56:09.570 and it rang. And you're always really excited back in 1299 00:56:09.610 --> 00:56:11.400 the day. You won't know this because you're way too young. 1300 00:56:11.940 --> 00:56:14.880 And it rang and it only ever rang with a 1301 00:56:14.940 --> 00:56:16.480 number because you couldn't have a name on it in 1302 00:56:16.519 --> 00:56:17.980 those days. And it was like I was going, I 1303 00:56:18.820 --> 00:56:23.179 better take this call coming through in the car. And 1304 00:56:24.260 --> 00:56:26.280 it was the days when you could pick up your 1305 00:56:26.320 --> 00:56:27.679 phone as well. And it was just great. It was 1306 00:56:27.719 --> 00:56:29.679 on this sort of thing where you clicked it off 1307 00:56:29.719 --> 00:56:31.880 like that and you went, hi, yeah, hi, it's me. 1308 00:56:31.920 --> 00:56:36.590 I'm in the car. Yeah, I can talk. Yeah, hi. Oh, hi, 1309 00:56:36.610 --> 00:56:38.530 it's you. Yeah, okay. I think she was the only 1310 00:56:38.570 --> 00:56:41.110 one who had the number anyway. And it cost about 1311 00:56:41.110 --> 00:56:48.369 40 quid to phone me as well. And she said, 1312 00:56:48.409 --> 00:56:49.909 I want to speak to you when you get home. 1313 00:56:50.269 --> 00:56:52.050 And I went, no, speak to me now. I've got 1314 00:56:52.070 --> 00:56:56.030 a car phone. And she said, no, no, just you 1315 00:56:56.170 --> 00:56:58.690 and me when we get home. We had an au pair, 1316 00:56:58.710 --> 00:57:00.250 and so the au pair look after the kids, and 1317 00:57:00.690 --> 00:57:01.900 I just need to speak to you. I went, hmm. 1318 00:57:03.110 --> 00:57:04.139 So I thought it was a bit odd. And then 1319 00:57:04.179 --> 00:57:06.360 I got home and was quite happy to hear that 1320 00:57:06.579 --> 00:57:08.320 she wasn't unwell. There wasn't any problems or anything. She 1321 00:57:08.360 --> 00:57:10.940 just said, I want you to cut your hair. And 1322 00:57:10.980 --> 00:57:13.460 I went, oh, wow. Because it was a bit of 1323 00:57:13.480 --> 00:57:15.820 a relief. There was nothing wrong. I went, sure, sure. 1324 00:57:16.099 --> 00:57:17.510 So I had my hair cut. But obviously, I couldn't 1325 00:57:17.530 --> 00:57:19.909 let it go in one go. So for about six months, 1326 00:57:19.949 --> 00:57:22.889 I had a bob. And it was just... It was 1327 00:57:22.949 --> 00:57:25.340 sort of shoulder length, living the dream, as long as 1328 00:57:25.380 --> 00:57:27.739 nobody went around the back and didn't see that it 1329 00:57:27.800 --> 00:57:30.880 wasn't full length anymore. So, yeah, it was like a 1330 00:57:30.900 --> 00:57:31.179 school of fish. 1331 00:57:31.199 --> 00:57:34.460 So what age was that you went to the Bob before, like, 1332 00:57:34.500 --> 00:57:37.739 more of a, you know, traditional cut? 1333 00:57:38.179 --> 00:57:42.199 It was 94, 1994. I wasn't 94. So you didn't 1334 00:57:42.219 --> 00:57:43.099 have it for that. 1335 00:57:43.119 --> 00:57:44.500 How long did you have it for? So you didn't 1336 00:57:44.519 --> 00:57:47.840 have it. So you didn't have it years and years? 1337 00:57:47.860 --> 00:57:50.719 No, I only had my mullet probably for seven or 1338 00:57:50.739 --> 00:57:52.820 eight years, I reckon, but it stood the test of time. 1339 00:57:52.860 --> 00:57:54.599 I think that was a good decision, though, because if 1340 00:57:54.639 --> 00:57:56.269 you were still like, what have you got? Are you 1341 00:57:56.289 --> 00:57:58.590 mulleted now, or are you just a normal man? 1342 00:57:58.610 --> 00:58:01.510 No, I'm great. Regular Rob, like you. Just sort of side-parting, 1343 00:58:01.550 --> 00:58:02.530 much like you, actually. 1344 00:58:02.750 --> 00:58:05.050 Yeah, well, that's the thing, I think. That's the thing. 1345 00:58:05.119 --> 00:58:09.300 If someone is, like, mega-famous, if you don't evolve, it 1346 00:58:09.320 --> 00:58:11.599 looks a bit tragic, doesn't it? If you still had 1347 00:58:11.659 --> 00:58:13.530 the mullet now, I think it would be too much. 1348 00:58:13.659 --> 00:58:16.050 It would be Joe Exotic. It would be odd. It 1349 00:58:16.090 --> 00:58:18.429 would be horrible. And I haven't got any tigers, and 1350 00:58:18.550 --> 00:58:20.170 I'm not in jail. So it just wouldn't work. 1351 00:58:21.539 --> 00:58:25.179 There was a mullet era, though, where you look absolutely phenomenal. 1352 00:58:25.300 --> 00:58:27.969 And that was when it was almost just really a 1353 00:58:27.989 --> 00:58:31.170 bit ringlet-y, curly, but less mullet-y and just a massive 1354 00:58:31.190 --> 00:58:31.849 head of hair. Hang on. 1355 00:58:32.090 --> 00:58:34.550 No, you've made a massive faux pas. If you want 1356

00:58:34.570 --> 00:58:36.690 to bring that picture up now and have a look 1357 00:58:36.730 --> 00:58:39.309 at it, I know what you're looking at. That was 1358 00:58:39.690 --> 00:58:42.730 me going to my friend's hair salon to have the 1359 00:58:42.829 --> 00:58:46.199 very first hair extensions after I'd had my hair cut 1360 00:58:46.260 --> 00:58:49.550 because he wanted to use me in a newspaper, it 1361 00:58:49.590 --> 00:58:51.309 was the Mirror, and they were running a thing on 1362 00:58:51.329 --> 00:58:53.550 hair extensions with his salon. So I agreed to go in. 1363 00:58:53.829 --> 00:58:56.719 He put the hair extensions in. It looks ridiculous, that picture. 1364 00:58:56.760 --> 00:58:58.500 Is this the one with the white T-shirt with the 1365 00:58:58.559 --> 00:59:00.280 black writing written on it? I think so. 1366 00:59:00.280 --> 00:59:03.289 The hair just doesn't look real. If you look close. 1367 00:59:03.690 --> 00:59:03.929 Yeah. 1368 00:59:03.969 --> 00:59:05.150 You can see the top bit. 1369 00:59:05.429 --> 00:59:10.119 Oh, yeah. You really can see the joint. 1370 00:59:10.400 --> 00:59:11.380 Yes, you can. 1371 00:59:11.579 --> 00:59:15.340 Basically, what happened was this was for the mirror. And 1372 00:59:15.380 --> 00:59:19.079 we went in and I got papped about the only 1373 00:59:19.119 --> 00:59:22.070 time in my life from a distance outside because they 1374 00:59:22.110 --> 00:59:24.949 saw me going into this hair salon. They called someone. 1375 00:59:25.309 --> 00:59:28.050 I got papped from about 50 meters away. And the 1376 00:59:28.110 --> 00:59:30.869 pictures went in the sun saying, Pat can't bear to 1377 00:59:30.969 --> 00:59:36.969 live without his mullet. Four page, four page. 1378 00:59:37.010 --> 00:59:38.050 That's amazing. 1379 00:59:38.210 --> 00:59:40.929 And the mirror never ran their piece on hair extensions 1380 00:59:40.969 --> 00:59:43.280 with the salon because they were scuppered by the rival paper. 1381 00:59:43.840 --> 00:59:44.800 Oh, my word. 1382 00:59:45.260 --> 00:59:46.059 Oh, wow. 1383 00:59:46.139 --> 00:59:49.780 I think the mullet is making a comeback at the moment, though. Genuinely. 1384 00:59:50.019 --> 00:59:51.219 Yeah, it's got one, Rob. 1385 00:59:51.519 --> 00:59:51.719 Has it? 1386 00:59:51.739 --> 00:59:52.239 It really is. 1387 00:59:53.320 --> 00:59:54.579 I mean, it's not the same. 1388 00:59:54.599 --> 00:59:57.739 I don't think he really has any sway on pop 1389 00:59:57.760 --> 00:59:59.159 theater culture anymore, though, Damon. 1390 00:59:59.199 --> 01:00:01.110 No, I think that's fair enough. I think that's fair enough. 1391 01:00:01.159 --> 01:00:03.929 When I saw the Damon album one that you mentioned, Josh, 1392 01:00:04.750 --> 01:00:06.889 I commented on Twitter. I go, what a crap mullet. 1393 01:00:07.289 --> 01:00:08.590 And I put a picture up of it like that. 1394 01:00:09.010 --> 01:00:11.530 And the Daily Star picked up on it. It says, 1395 01:00:11.710 --> 01:00:14.789 Pat says Damon's mullet is crap. And it was like 1396 01:00:14.829 --> 01:00:17.510 half a page. I'm going, well, you know, don't want 1397 01:00:17.570 --> 01:00:19.809 to have a fight over this. But it's true. 1398 01:00:19.869 --> 01:00:21.289 It's a crap mullet. 1399 01:00:22.119 --> 01:00:24.929 Yeah, it is. It doesn't even go down his back. 1400 01:00:24.969 --> 01:00:26.090 It looks more like my bob. 1401 01:00:28.530 --> 01:00:30.130 How much upkeep are you doing, or does it just 1402 01:00:30.170 --> 01:00:31.409 fall into place every morning? 1403 01:00:31.789 --> 01:00:33.469 I didn't do a lot with it. I didn't do 1404 01:00:33.510 --> 01:00:35.280 a lot and didn't use any product in it. It 1405 01:00:35.320 --> 01:00:38.900 was just majestically flowing and was a bit like a 1406 01:00:38.940 --> 01:00:40.619 bird's nest. It didn't really, you know, I don't know 1407 01:00:40.639 --> 01:00:42.000 what was in it and what was growing in it. 1408 01:00:42.000 --> 01:00:44.739 It was a bit horrible at the time. But, you know, 1409 01:00:44.780 --> 01:00:47.949 you don't need to do anything with them. They just become. 1410 01:00:47.969 --> 01:00:49.489 You just become trailer park, you know. 1411 01:00:51.099 --> 01:00:54.190 The mullet exists separate to the individual. It's just there, 1412 01:00:54.250 --> 01:00:54.570 isn't it? 1413 01:00:54.809 --> 01:00:55.429 It's its own entity. 1414 01:00:55.449 --> 01:00:56.170 It's its own thing. 1415 01:00:56.389 --> 01:00:57.110 Own entity, yeah. 1416 01:00:57.409 --> 01:01:00.869 Did you ever consider getting it insured like Elmock Ferson's legs? 1417 01:01:00.929 --> 01:01:03.769 You've really gone off the parenting thing, haven't you? Yeah, yeah, sorry. 1418 01:01:03.789 --> 01:01:06.900 You can't help it. Elmock Ferson, we've been asking about 1419 01:01:06.920 --> 01:01:10.480 your kids for 20 minutes. Did your kids like the mullet? 1420 01:01:10.500 --> 01:01:16.230 Stop talking about the mullet! I know you love the 90s, 1421 01:01:16.280 --> 01:01:18.650 but Pat's got his thoughts about the mullet. We're talking 1422 01:01:18.670 --> 01:01:20.849 to a man in an audio format that hasn't got 1423 01:01:20.869 --> 01:01:22.070 a mullet anymore about mullets. 1424 01:01:22.710 --> 01:01:26.570 I haven't had one for like nearly 30 years. It's amazing. 1425 01:01:27.449 --> 01:01:30.210 Have you ever had an interview that hasn't ended up 1426 01:01:30.250 --> 01:01:31.170 touching on this, Pat? 1427 01:01:31.489 --> 01:01:31.719 No. 1428 01:01:31.739 --> 01:01:37.420 Right, have you got any more questions, Josh, before we 1429 01:01:37.440 --> 01:01:37.860 wrap up? 1430 01:01:37.900 --> 01:01:40.340 Well, I feel like I should bring it back to parenting, 1431 01:01:40.380 --> 01:01:43.059 shouldn't I? Because I'll be honest with you, you know, 1432 01:01:43.420 --> 01:01:45.420 This has been one of the most fun ones we've had, 1433 01:01:45.780 --> 01:01:48.699

and I've thoroughly enjoyed it. But I want to learn 1434 01:01:48.780 --> 01:01:52.630 from someone who has, you know, who's parented and now is... 1435 01:01:52.670 --> 01:01:54.690 I think he might be our first grandparent, actually. 1436 01:01:54.710 --> 01:01:55.510 Is that correct, Ross? 1437 01:01:55.530 --> 01:01:57.130 No, he's not. Oh, Jonathan Ross. I don't really pay 1438 01:01:57.150 --> 01:01:58.050 attention to all the. 1439 01:01:58.269 --> 01:01:59.389 Yeah, maybe Jonathan Ross. 1440 01:01:59.590 --> 01:02:00.989 I don't think Jonathan Ross has got grandkids. 1441 01:02:01.389 --> 01:02:01.789 Has he not? 1442 01:02:01.989 --> 01:02:03.449 No, we've had a lot of guests on, but I 1443 01:02:03.449 --> 01:02:06.719 think he's our first grandparent, which is exciting. He seemed 1444 01:02:06.739 --> 01:02:07.960 too young to be a grandparent, Pat. 1445 01:02:08.530 --> 01:02:10.210 Still in my 50s so yeah it's good but we 1446 01:02:10.230 --> 01:02:12.130 had kids young so if you start young. 1447 01:02:12.010 --> 01:02:13.929 You're how long how long are you uh when do 1448 01:02:13.949 --> 01:02:17.320 you turn 60 october so still in your 50s though 1449 01:02:17.719 --> 01:02:20.300 you're in your 50s just just. 1450 01:02:20.320 --> 01:02:23.059 I'm as kids say and and kids listening will like 1451 01:02:23.079 --> 01:02:25.079 this well if there are kids listening as parents listening 1452 01:02:25.119 --> 01:02:28.469 they'll know that their kids always say i'm 59 and 1453 01:02:28.550 --> 01:02:30.449 three quarters yes. 1454 01:02:30.409 --> 01:02:34.579 Perfect and and so what Which was the period of 1455 01:02:34.619 --> 01:02:36.679 being a parent that you kind of look back on 1456 01:02:37.139 --> 01:02:39.860 the fondest? Is it them as a baby or as 1457 01:02:39.900 --> 01:02:43.619 a toddler or small children? Or did you love the bit? 1458 01:02:43.699 --> 01:02:45.949 I mean, obviously, you're a very positive person. I'm sure 1459 01:02:45.969 --> 01:02:48.210 you loved it all. But the bit when they felt 1460 01:02:48.250 --> 01:02:49.550 like they were mini adults? 1461 01:02:50.010 --> 01:02:52.210 Yeah, I would say probably the mini adult bit where 1462 01:02:52.250 --> 01:02:55.329 you can say to... Certainly, we had two boys first 1463 01:02:55.389 --> 01:02:57.269 and then a girl. And I would, you know, I'd 1464 01:02:57.289 --> 01:02:58.889 take my boys and just say, come on, let's go. 1465 01:02:58.909 --> 01:03:01.500 We're just going and... monica would say where are you 1466 01:03:01.519 --> 01:03:03.599 taking them i go we're just going we just go 1467 01:03:03.639 --> 01:03:05.840 and we go out and play football in in a 1468 01:03:05.929 --> 01:03:09.070 hailstorm or something and just like come back really muddy 1469 01:03:09.090 --> 01:03:11.150 and they go that was brilliant she goes oh look 1470 01:03:11.170 --> 01:03:13.030 at the state of you so i just did things 1471 01:03:13.070 --> 01:03:15.389 with my boys that were fun and just you know 1472 01:03:15.449 --> 01:03:17.579 outrageous and took them to concerts and took them to 1473 01:03:18.039 --> 01:03:20.079 they would come to all the capital road shows even 1474 01:03:20.099 --> 01:03:22.139 when they were babies i remember nicky at a capital 1475 01:03:22.159 --> 01:03:25.059 road show fell asleep at the hammersmith palais on one 1476 01:03:25.079 --> 01:03:28.159 of the sofas and he was like vibrating as he 1477 01:03:28.239 --> 01:03:31.579 slept with the bass as it hit the sofa, jumping 1478 01:03:31.599 --> 01:03:33.280 up and down. But I said, you know, where else 1479 01:03:33.300 --> 01:03:34.699 would he be? He's obviously going to be here. This 1480 01:03:34.719 --> 01:03:36.340 is what I'm doing. So this is where he's going 1481 01:03:36.360 --> 01:03:39.059 to be. And he grew up with the sound of bass, 1482 01:03:39.099 --> 01:03:41.119 you know, vibrating in his head on the sofa. That's 1483 01:03:41.159 --> 01:03:42.619 probably not allowed these days either. No. 1484 01:03:42.880 --> 01:03:48.239 I think that's really nice that you kind of went, 1485 01:03:48.840 --> 01:03:51.570 your kids experienced your life. Do you know what I mean? 1486 01:03:51.590 --> 01:03:53.769 It wasn't that you kept these two separate lives. 1487 01:03:53.849 --> 01:03:56.019 You were kind of, that they were in everything they 1488 01:03:56.079 --> 01:03:57.760 loved it they absolutely loved it i think they did 1489 01:03:57.780 --> 01:03:59.960 anyway they always say they've got great memories of it 1490 01:04:00.039 --> 01:04:02.039 and they enjoyed it but none of them went into 1491 01:04:02.099 --> 01:04:04.380 the same business as i as i uh am in 1492 01:04:04.420 --> 01:04:06.260 still today and blessed to be in it so uh 1493 01:04:06.659 --> 01:04:08.380 they're all doing their own thing and their kids will 1494 01:04:08.539 --> 01:04:11.199 will obviously enjoy whatever they do you know no. 1495 01:04:11.079 --> 01:04:16.219 It's it's been a heartwarming genuinely um lovely conversation rob 1496 01:04:16.239 --> 01:04:19.280 you always like to end with the the same question 1497 01:04:19.380 --> 01:04:21.039 i think pat's gonna struggle with this. 1498 01:04:21.139 --> 01:04:23.340 Well yeah the question is what's the thing that your 1499 01:04:23.460 --> 01:04:26.880 wife does parenting wise that probably doesn't anymore now they're 1500 01:04:26.900 --> 01:04:28.440 grown up but used to really annoy you when the 1501 01:04:28.460 --> 01:04:31.730 kids were small that um you couldn't tell her annoyed 1502 01:04:31.750 --> 01:04:34.130 you without kicking off is and this is your opportunity 1503 01:04:34.170 --> 01:04:36.429 now that if she listened to it if monica listened 1504 01:04:36.469 --> 01:04:38.510 she you know she won't go fair enough he's got 1505 01:04:38.530 --> 01:04:39.289 a good point. 1506 01:04:39.409 --> 01:04:42.690 I think She does now what she did then, and

1507 01:04:42.730 --> 01:04:46.010 she was just a little bit too over-caring with them. 1508 01:04:46.150 --> 01:04:47.650 She should have let them off a leash a bit, 1509 01:04:47.690 --> 01:04:50.210 and she's not doing that with the grandchildren. She's very caring. 1510 01:04:50.230 --> 01:04:52.110 I keep getting told, don't do that. Don't let her 1511 01:04:52.130 --> 01:04:53.989 do that. Don't do that. And I think you've just 1512 01:04:54.010 --> 01:04:56.019 got to let kids go a little bit, keep an 1513 01:04:56.119 --> 01:04:57.900 eye on them, but still let them go on that 1514 01:04:57.940 --> 01:05:00.480 swing or that slide and have some fun because they've 1515 01:05:00.519 --> 01:05:03.000 got to have a youth where they learn to fall 1516 01:05:03.079 --> 01:05:06.099 over a little bit and dust themselves down. So she's 1517 01:05:06.139 --> 01:05:08.980 probably a little bit too worried about things. 1518 01:05:09.599 --> 01:05:10.000 Fair enough. 1519 01:05:10.360 --> 01:05:13.199 I can say that is the absolute spirit of Funhouse, 1520 01:05:13.340 --> 01:05:14.300 speaking right there. 1521 01:05:14.639 --> 01:05:16.760 You've got to be able to pull over. 1522 01:05:17.099 --> 01:05:20.059 Stick him in the gunge, you kids. 1523 01:05:20.079 --> 01:05:22.260 We had kids who went to hospital. They got winded 1524 01:05:22.340 --> 01:05:24.829 and stuff in the games, and we were going like, right, 1525 01:05:25.630 --> 01:05:27.230 you could do us a real favour. Could you just 1526 01:05:27.250 --> 01:05:29.150 stop crying for a couple of seconds while we get 1527 01:05:29.190 --> 01:05:32.309 this link done? And all I need to do is 1528 01:05:32.510 --> 01:05:35.699 I'm going to say, well done, Johnny. You've got 25 points. 1529 01:05:35.780 --> 01:05:38.239 You smile, and Melanie will run off with you to 1530 01:05:38.260 --> 01:05:39.760 the side. That's all you need to do. And he's going. 1531 01:05:41.239 --> 01:05:44.440 Need to go to hospital now I'm going no no 1532 01:05:44.460 --> 01:05:45.909 you'll be fine just to get this link out of 1533 01:05:45.929 --> 01:05:47.610 the way because I can't get back into these clothes 1534 01:05:47.630 --> 01:05:50.190 tomorrow they're filthy we've got to get it done now 1535 01:05:50.210 --> 01:05:53.690 otherwise it's another shoot so for goodness sake, put yourself together. 1536 01:05:53.710 --> 01:05:55.070 You're on the show. You wanted to be on it, 1537 01:05:55.090 --> 01:05:57.030 didn't you? They go, yeah, I always wanted to be. 1538 01:05:57.329 --> 01:05:59.230 I didn't know it'd be like this. I didn't know 1539 01:05:59.250 --> 01:06:01.050 it would take so long as well. I've been here 1540 01:06:01.090 --> 01:06:04.190 seven hours. It's only 20 minutes on the telly. I go, yeah, well, 1541 01:06:04.250 --> 01:06:05.989 it's television. You know, it takes a while. You've got 1542 01:06:06.010 --> 01:06:07.570 to get the cleaners in to clean up before the 1543 01:06:07.610 --> 01:06:09.469 go-karts can go around because there's all gunge on the 1544 01:06:09.489 --> 01:06:11.489 floor from the last game. So get with the program, 1545 01:06:11.510 --> 01:06:15.239 bloody kids. Oh, thanks, Pat. 1546 01:06:15.280 --> 01:06:16.320 It's been amazing. 1547 01:06:16.409 --> 01:06:19.579 Thanks so much, Pat. The book is called Rerun the Fun. 1548 01:06:19.639 --> 01:06:25.750 It's available now. Pat Sharp, there we go. What a legend. 1549 01:06:26.309 --> 01:06:27.610 That was a real buzz for you, wasn't it, Josh? 1550 01:06:27.989 --> 01:06:28.360 Loved it. 1551 01:06:28.719 --> 01:06:31.599 Loved it. Can't wait for Dave Benson Phillips next week, Rob. 1552 01:06:31.719 --> 01:06:32.900 This podcast's changing. 1553 01:06:33.460 --> 01:06:35.679 We can't just do your 90s crushes. 1554 01:06:36.099 --> 01:06:37.119 I'd say one a year. 1555 01:06:37.500 --> 01:06:37.920 One a year. 1556 01:06:37.940 --> 01:06:40.579 To be fair, though, it was good. I think it 1557 01:06:40.599 --> 01:06:42.639 wasn't his fault we didn't talk about parenting that much. 1558 01:06:42.679 --> 01:06:44.860 It was more our fault and our questions that led 1559 01:06:44.920 --> 01:06:47.280 us down the funhouse. You went mad on the mullet 1560 01:06:47.320 --> 01:06:47.639 at the end. 1561 01:06:48.010 --> 01:06:50.739 Yeah, I'll be honest. We haven't digressed that much since 1562 01:06:50.760 --> 01:06:53.760 we talked to Romesh about how ripped Andy Peters was. 1563 01:06:54.900 --> 01:06:56.760 People like that. Let us know. Do you like the 1564 01:06:56.820 --> 01:06:59.480 digression or should we be bringing it back to parenting? 1565 01:06:59.719 --> 01:07:01.599 Let us know what you think because I'm a fan 1566 01:07:01.619 --> 01:07:02.840 of a digress. Me too. 1567 01:07:02.860 --> 01:07:05.250 Let's always remember we did 15 minutes on Priscilla Presley 1568 01:07:05.269 --> 01:07:06.070 with Jared Christmas. 1569 01:07:06.510 --> 01:07:09.929 I'll be honest, the best stuff I've ever done has 1570 01:07:09.969 --> 01:07:10.510 involved kids. 1571 01:07:10.750 --> 01:07:12.989 No, it's holding us back. It's holding us back. 1572 01:07:13.719 --> 01:07:14.780 I tell you what, just get rid of the parenting 1573 01:07:14.800 --> 01:07:16.079 and just call this podcast Hell. 1574 01:07:17.519 --> 01:07:21.489 Rob Beckett and Josh Riddickham's Hell. See you on Tuesday 1575 01:07:21.510 --> 01:07:23.210 when it'll be me and Rob talking about parenting and 1576 01:07:23.250 --> 01:07:24.469 bins and stuff probably. 1577 01:07:25.039 --> 01:07:25.780 Right, bye. 1578 01:07:25.800 --> 01:07:25.869 Bye. 1579 01:07:29.750 --> 01:07:31.230 Hello, I'm John Richardson. 1580 01:07:31.409 --> 01:07:32.269 And I'm Matt Ford. 1581 01:07:32.449 --> 01:07:35.650 We are comedians, best friends, and we're both football mad. 1582 01:07:35.670 --> 01:07:37.590 And with the new season just around the corner, we'll 1583 01:07:37.610 --> 01:07:39.679 be spending more time than we'd like to admit playing 1584 01:07:39.760 --> 01:07:41.000 Fantasy Premier League. 1585 01:07:41.179 --> 01:07:44.019 There's nothing we love more than competing against each other 1586 01:07:44.099 --> 01:07:46.550 in our own league. So, in order to justify our 1587 01:07:46.610 --> 01:07:49.670 FPL addiction, we've set up a brand new weekly podcast called... 1588 01:07:49.789 --> 01:07:52.190 called Comedians Playing Fantasy Premier League. 1589 01:07:52.469 --> 01:07:54.710 And it's not just us. Each week, we'll follow a 1590 01:07:54.769 --> 01:07:58.110 group of comedians competing in the world's most competitive game. 1591 01:07:58.250 --> 01:08:01.690 Buying for top spot will be, amongst others, Rob Beckett, 1592 01:08:01.750 --> 01:08:06.550 Russell Howard, Romesh Ranganathan, Josh Widdicombe, Maisie Adam and Richard Osman. 1593 01:08:06.789 --> 01:08:09.349 Plus, they'll be joined by a recurring roster of special 1594 01:08:09.389 --> 01:08:11.690 guests from now until the end of the season. and 1595 01:08:11.730 --> 01:08:15.139 each week there'll be prizes, forfeits and lots of interaction 1596 01:08:15.159 --> 01:08:18.859 with you. Yes, you, our soon-to-be-hopelessly-obsessed listeners. 1597 01:08:19.000 --> 01:08:21.899 There'll no doubt be lots of competition between myself and 1598 01:08:21.939 --> 01:08:24.039 Matt and we will look back at the week in 1599 01:08:24.079 --> 01:08:27.029 football and discuss how events off the pitch might affect 1600 01:08:27.069 --> 01:08:27.869 your selections. 1601 01:08:28.310 --> 01:08:31.109 Our first episode is available to download from the 11th 1602 01:08:31.149 --> 01:08:35.189 of August from all the usual podcasting platforms. So please like, 1603 01:08:35.449 --> 01:08:36.729 subscribe and share. 1604 01:08:36.850 --> 01:08:39.380 You can also follow us on Twitter for extra content 1605 01:08:39.399 --> 01:08:41.579 throughout the week and to also keep up to date 1606 01:08:41.640 --> 01:08:44.340 on the standings of the Comedians League. And that's at 1607 01:08:44.399 --> 01:08:47.069 Comedians FBL. See you in a couple of weeks.