النص الكامل لحلقة What Changes After 45? Shizzle We Learned the Hard Way

time if someone had just 00:02:15.601 --> 00:02:19.878 pulled us aside when we were about 27 and said, hey, here's the deal. 00:02:20.694 --> 00:02:23.950 I wish. Wouldn't that be nice? Not having to figure it out. 00:02:24.374 --> 00:02:28.536 ourselves the hard way the brutally hilarious way the, 00:02:29.345 --> 00:02:32.461 had to fix the problems that we created you know like when i talk about the 00:02:32.461 --> 00:02:34.239 exploding to-do list how that's like my, 00:02:34.904 --> 00:02:37.921 bane of my existence when i'm like oh yeah i'm gonna check the sucker off and 00:02:37.921 --> 00:02:43.311 then all of a sudden six tasks explode onto my to-do list it's just it's the 00:02:43.311 --> 00:02:47.363 ultimate bait and switch pisses me off anyways squirrel. 00:02:48.355 --> 00:02:53.881 Squirrel so this will be all the things lisa and i have learned after 45. 00:02:53.881 --> 00:02:58.921 So grab a drink, pull up a chair, and let's talk about all the shit we learned in midlife. 00:02:58.921 --> 00:03:02.761 Okay. Disclaimer. It may not be all the shit because, y'all, 00:03:02.761 --> 00:03:07.441 I don't know that we have time to cover all that in an hour or 40 minutes for 00:03:07.441 --> 00:03:10.052 you public listeners, but we're going to give it a go. 00:03:10.847 --> 00:03:13.117 And we're still learning also. There's that. 00:03:13.500 --> 00:03:14.005 Clearly. 00:03:14.638 --> 00:03:18.941 Oh, so what I'm drinking today, I'm drinking something new. I am drinking a 00:03:19.281 --> 00:03:24.021 Wild Wonder, which I've drank, I've drunk, drank Wild Wonder before. 00:03:24.021 --> 00:03:24.931 I've drank it. 00:03:24.931 --> 00:03:31.141 It's a sparkling drink with probiotic, prebiotic stuff. And it's pink pomelo limeade. 00:03:31.141 --> 00:03:31.891 Oh, wow. 00:03:32.552 --> 00:03:36.001 But what I did was I made it into a cocktail with vodka. 00:03:38.607 --> 00:03:43.641 So the probiotic just like has its happy little swim and then the alcohol kills 00:03:43.641 --> 00:03:45.016 it before you hit your system. Yeah. 00:03:45.138 --> 00:03:46.701 The vodka kills all the good stuff. 00:03:46.701 --> 00:03:50.861 Hey, that makes perfect sense. Oh, my gosh. 00:03:52.284 --> 00:03:56.844 I had a listener who's also a friend of mine sent me a text, a picture to me today. 00:03:57.169 --> 00:03:59.684 And she's like, got all these drinks lined up. She goes, I'm going to try all 00:03:59.684 --> 00:04:02.278 of them. I'm like, oh, we should do a listener review episode. 00:04:02.724 --> 00:04:08.164 So I forgot all about today. She texts me just a picture and it says, disgusting. 00:04:10.868 --> 00:04:13.504 It's like, all right, that one's getting crossed off our list. 00:04:13.504 --> 00:04:14.757 Won't be trying that one. 00:04:15.216 --> 00:04:19.474 That is such a good idea. Wouldn't it be so fun if all of our listeners would 00:04:19.474 --> 00:04:24.044 just be really, you know, curious and just try new things and send us their

00:04:24.044 --> 00:04:28.964 reviews they can even just send us like thumbs up or thumbs down or they could send the barf emoji or 00:04:28.964 --> 00:04:33.504 Whatever i would love to get like screenshots or little like voice memos try 00:04:33.504 --> 00:04:39.225 this drink it sucks kind of a thing or just on anything i think that would be super duper fun okay. 00:04:39.836 --> 00:04:42.761 Yes awesome into our dms on instagram let's 00:04:42.878 --> 00:04:50.144 Go okay i am drinking boring but happy my blood orange hot water i freaking 00:04:50.144 --> 00:04:53.297 love this stuff i finally got martin into it. He's like, oh, I don't like it. 00:04:53.692 --> 00:04:56.694 I was like, it mellows you out. Now he's like addicted, just like me. 00:04:56.694 --> 00:05:00.078 He's like, I feel so good after I drink this. I'm like, I know. Isn't it great? 00:05:00.628 --> 00:05:04.524 Okay. Boring, but happy. That's our next merch bumper sticker. 00:05:04.524 --> 00:05:08.164 Hey, man, just like I shame you about your frigging Coors Light, 00:05:08.164 --> 00:05:12.184 you can shame me about my hop water. I will still drink it. You said that. 00:05:12.184 --> 00:05:14.884 That wasn't me. You said, I'm boring. 00:05:14.884 --> 00:05:18.534 But happy. I think that's our next drinks with the girls merch. 00:05:18.534 --> 00:05:21.276 Oh, my God. Boring but happy. 00:05:22.797 --> 00:05:25.864 Interesting. I don't know if that will fly off the shelves, but let's see. 00:05:26.604 --> 00:05:31.544 Speaking of merch, once again, another plea. So our big issue with the merch 00:05:31.544 --> 00:05:35.179 is not coming up with ideas because we have some great ideas or logos or anything. 00:05:35.475 --> 00:05:38.384 The problem is we don't have anywhere to store, like warehouse, 00:05:38.384 --> 00:05:44.654 a crap ton of merch. So it's hard to find businesses that would basically make 00:05:44.654 --> 00:05:49.517 on demand until we're like the big time, which, you know, should happen any day now. 00:05:50.097 --> 00:05:56.664 So that's kind of the conundrum, is figuring out a source or something or other 00:05:56.664 --> 00:06:00.394 that can basically make the merch on demand, which is why we just keep it to 00:06:00.394 --> 00:06:01.314 like two or three things. 00:06:01.314 --> 00:06:08.398 So, yes, sending a plea out to our peeps out there in the listenersphere. 00:06:08.851 --> 00:06:12.754 Suggestions. I have to say, too, so my niece, who started her wine, 00:06:12.754 --> 00:06:17.504 her box wine company, who just recently rebranded to Fussy, by the way. 00:06:17.964 --> 00:06:21.604 Interesting. so it's no longer vino disco which i love that's. 00:06:21.604 --> 00:06:26.124 Too bad it's no longer because somebody stole it from them so it's fussy and 00:06:26.124 --> 00:06:29.516 they are their target market is gen z's 00:06:30.004 --> 00:06:34.784 so they're just going hard which is so it's their instagram for them their branding 00:06:34.784 --> 00:06:39.147 is really good anyway she was saying that you know the merch is very 00:06:39.983 --> 00:06:46.474 you know it's almost not cost effective round one point round one what is the 00:06:46.474 --> 00:06:48.124 first thing or not the first thing. 00:06:48.504 --> 00:06:50.642 What's one thing that we've learned after 45? 00:06:50.792 --> 00:06:58.691 Girl, no one, and I mean no one, is thinking about you half as much as you think they are. 00:06:59.344 --> 00:07:00.474 Isn't that so true? 00:07:00.474 --> 00:07:03.484 Just no. It's just not. You know? 00:07:04.132 --> 00:07:08.474 I wish our 20-year-old selves and 30-year-old selves knew that. 00:07:08.996 --> 00:07:10.704 Even 40-year-old selves. I 00:07:16.366 --> 00:07:19.803 I, certain things still cross my mind. 00:07:20.355 --> 00:07:22.798 Like, oh, should I wear this? Should I wear the shoes? Should I, 00:07:23.141 --> 00:07:25.916 you know, oh, I don't have my toenails done. Can I wear the sandals? 00:07:26.416 --> 00:07:29.811 You know, and then you'd step back and you're like, who the fuck cares? Nobody. 00:07:30.206 --> 00:07:33.456 Yeah. And if somebody, if somebody gets that close to your toenails, 00:07:33.456 --> 00:07:36.794 it better be Tony or there's a problem. Just saying. 00:07:37.677 --> 00:07:42.296 Yeah. And I think people are just too, you know, wrapped up in their own stuff 00:07:42.296 --> 00:07:46.100 to worry about what's, you know, going on with somebody else. 00:07:46.396 --> 00:07:50.766 Sometimes I think about the amount of time I've spent like thinking about what 00:07:50.766 --> 00:07:55.436 to wear and all that and then realizing like I'll go somewhere and I won't remember 00:07:55.436 --> 00:07:58.136 what any, I won't know what anybody else is wearing. It's like nobody, 00:07:58.136 --> 00:07:59.013 you don't pay attention. 00:07:59.269 --> 00:08:00.174 No, no. 00:08:00.354 --> 00:08:00.755 Good point. 00:08:01.080 --> 00:08:05.596 My daughter always makes me aware though. You're going to wear that? Yes, yes I am. 00:08:05.956 --> 00:08:09.856 I'm sorry. Why can't I drop you off at school with my fuzzy slippers and my 00:08:09.856 --> 00:08:14.606 flannel pajama bottoms and my nice work shirt on the top because I just came from a meeting? 00:08:15.157 --> 00:08:18.797 What is the problem with that? She's just like, oh, so embarrassed. 00:08:19.651 --> 00:08:24.086 Like, I promise you people don't care. Yes, they do. They will judge me based 00:08:24.086 --> 00:08:25.756 on your lack of pulling it together. 00:08:26.236 --> 00:08:30.196 Okay. Well, I'm still driving you to school in my fuzzy slippers. 00:08:30.196 --> 00:08:32.256 So suck it up, buttercup. 00:08:32.736 --> 00:08:36.626 All right. One of the other things I've learned after 45, I think I probably 00:08:36.626 --> 00:08:39.483 learned it after 40 or closer to 40. 00:08:40.656 --> 00:08:44.946 Is that I don't have to give my energy and my time away to everybody. 00:08:45.579 -->

00:08:49.434 Like I used to have this thought that, you know, I had to be friends with everybody 00:08:49.434 --> 00:08:54.084 and I have to, you know, be, everybody has to, I have to be okay with everybody 00:08:54.084 --> 00:08:57.414 and everybody has to be okay with me. And that's just not true. Yes. 00:08:57.714 --> 00:09:01.954 So I just, I think we become much more deliberate about who gets our time, 00:09:01.954 --> 00:09:04.537 who gets our energy and what gets our time. 00:09:04.647 --> 00:09:05.544 Yes, for sure. 00:09:05.544 --> 00:09:11.984 I'm less likely to, you know, waste my time on stuff that doesn't matter now 00:09:11.984 --> 00:09:14.014 than I was, you know, 20 years ago. Yes. 00:09:14.014 --> 00:09:18.829 Yes. Since I am now, we are entering the period of two months, 00:09:19.253 --> 00:09:21.848 two and a half months, actually eight weeks. 00:09:22.219 --> 00:09:27.394 I don't know. When I am older than you, I can I can sufficiently say that, 00:09:27.394 --> 00:09:31.204 yes, that is correct. In the two months I've been on this planet longer than you. 00:09:32.399 --> 00:09:33.434 I will wise one 00:09:33.894 --> 00:09:39.534 I know it's just seeps from my pores I will say though that the one I have not 00:09:39.534 --> 00:09:44.740 been able to let go of that I still have to work really hard on is when people think badly of me, 00:09:45.857 --> 00:09:50.924 through something that is not true like they made a decision about me and who 00:09:50.924 --> 00:09:55.626 I am based on something that happened that just isn't correct like that that 00:09:56.009 --> 00:09:58.936 that's a tough one for me and I don't know why, 00:09:59.675 --> 00:10:03.246 that is such a hiccup for me. I'm not quite sure. 00:10:04.250 --> 00:10:08.849 Because it's not true. And you're like, well, if people are making decisions 00:10:08.849 --> 00:10:12.602 about who I am based on false things. 00:10:13.183 --> 00:10:16.149 But yeah, I think, you know, we've talked about this before. 00:10:16.149 --> 00:10:20.279 I think, you know, me being okay, being the villain in my divorce story really 00:10:20.279 --> 00:10:23.829 took care of me really caring about what anybody else, you know, 00:10:23.829 --> 00:10:28.019 anybody else misunderstanding me or me feeling like I have to explain anything. 00:10:28.019 --> 00:10:29.553 I'm like, I just don't care. 00:10:30.104 --> 00:10:34.799 Well and it's not so much that I care I just get hooked on the well they need 00:10:34.799 --> 00:10:40.409 to know the right story piece for some idiotic reason but you know. 00:10:41.889 --> 00:10:46.929 I think something else kind of related to this whole piece is it took me a really 00:10:46.929 --> 00:10:51.269 long time to notice those what do they call them energy vampires 00:10:52.129 --> 00:10:56.109 people who you know it's like you get off the phone with them and it's never 00:10:56.109 --> 00:10:59.889 like a 10 minute call it's like a 45 minute call and you're always like wow, 00:10:59.889 --> 00:11:01.989 why do I feel like shit after I talk to this person? 00:11:01.989 --> 00:11:03.451 They just suck you dry. 00:11:03.631 --> 00:11:06.809 Yeah. Or after you are physically with somebody like that. 00:11:07.309 --> 00:11:11.419 So it took me a while to really kind of pick up on all of that and to kind of 00:11:11.419 --> 00:11:12.334 set boundaries about that. 00:11:12.642 --> 00:11:17.329 I had a neighbor that was like that. And it got to the point where it was, 00:11:17.329 --> 00:11:20.759 we lived in this old house and it was made into apartments. 00:11:21.148 --> 00:11:24.649 And it got to the point where like, I would hear her coming down the hall and 00:11:24.649 --> 00:11:27.487 like turn the light off and like hide, 00:11:28.569 --> 00:11:32.489 cover my dog because I was like that is going to be an hour of my life that 00:11:32.489 --> 00:11:36.879 I don't have it was like always talking about this guy that she should break 00:11:36.879 --> 00:11:40.889 up with and it was just yeah I just felt like I needed a nap every time I talked 00:11:40.889 --> 00:11:42.980 to her and I was like I can't I can't so. 00:11:43.357 --> 00:11:48.559 Yeah there you go sometimes you just yeah you have to just not pick up the phone or avoid the person 00:11:48.559 --> 00:11:49.690 Altogether because. 00:11:50.849 --> 00:11:51.536 Yeah sometimes you have 00:11:51.914 --> 00:11:56.354 Which brings us to the third thing, boundaries. 00:11:56.633 --> 00:12:00.598 We love boundaries. Love us some good boundaries. You can love people, 00:12:00.940 --> 00:12:03.198 but you can also not love people. 00:12:04.923 --> 00:12:05.409 Just saying. 00:12:06.822 --> 00:12:07.205 Yeah. 00:12:07.901 --> 00:12:10.421 You can love people and not love being around them. 00:12:11.030 --> 00:12:11.303 Yep. 00:12:11.628 --> 00:12:14.372 Because, you know, friends and other people in your life, like, 00:12:14.372 --> 00:12:17.932 we love them. Yeah. But we don't always love being around them. 00:12:17.932 --> 00:12:24.492 And I think it took me a really long time to learn to set boundaries. Yeah. 00:12:25.310 --> 00:12:31.507 Yeah. And it, I mean, no one can trample on a boundary quite like a family member. 00:12:32.105 --> 00:12:34.990 There's just that special stomping that they do. 00:12:35.234 --> 00:12:40.862 Like the other day, my dad called and I I've talked to him a couple of times 00:12:40.862 --> 00:12:42.469 since we had our big blowout. 00:12:42.777 --> 00:12:47.781 And I realized after I hung the phone up, oh, he's doing this on purpose. 00:12:48.199 --> 00:12:52.252 He's calling me and pretending like nothing has happened. So he doesn't have 00:12:52.252 --> 00:12:54.010 to take responsibility for this. 00:12:54.404 --> 00:12:58.722 I was like, oh, that's the M.O. So that's how we're going to that's how we're 00:12:58.722 --> 00:13:02.955 going to play this. He's just going to call and pretend nothing ever happened. And.

00:13:04.010 --> 00:13:07.929 That way he gets what I want, what he wants. So I realized, oh, 00:13:08.033 --> 00:13:11.613 the next time he calls, I need to be very specific and just say, 00:13:11.613 --> 00:13:15.253 you know, dad, have you thought anything about what we talked about? 00:13:15.253 --> 00:13:20.033 Because I got to tell you, I'm not interested in being an everyday part of your 00:13:20.033 --> 00:13:23.483 life if that is still the situation. 00:13:23.483 --> 00:13:26.953 So but it was like this aha moment I had. I think it was yesterday night. 00:13:26.953 --> 00:13:32.123 I was like, oh, my God, he has wormed his way back in there with no consequences. 00:13:32.123 --> 00:13:35.833 And it was like, it was so easy, right? Like, I was like, girl, 00:13:35.833 --> 00:13:37.238 have you learned nothing? 00:13:37.656 --> 00:13:42.353 Yeah. What is wrong with you? I have to say in my family, you know, 00:13:42.353 --> 00:13:47.410 it's been really cool because I have a couple of my sisters have, 00:13:47.617 --> 00:13:49.533 well, one's been in recovery for a long time. 00:13:49.533 --> 00:13:53.382 So she's been, you know, she's been doing personal growth work for a minute. 00:13:53.765 --> 00:13:57.513 And then I have another sister who's really dove into therapy. 00:13:58.313 --> 00:14:01.706 I would say when during the time that my stepmom had her stroke. 00:14:02.356 --> 00:14:10.153 And, you know, to see, you know, to see people in your family who are continuing 00:14:10.153 --> 00:14:12.083 to grow and continuing to learn. 00:14:12.083 --> 00:14:16.653 I mean, it's super cool to see, you know, women in their 50s and 60s who are 00:14:16.653 --> 00:14:19.435 not, you know, staying healthy. 00:14:20.544 --> 00:14:23.708 in the status quo especially if you know maybe it's not 00:14:24.468 --> 00:14:29.390 But what's what's hard though is that makes the ones who aren't doing that just 00:14:29.810 --> 00:14:34.520 that much more obvious and it's like oh okay all right yeah hey there i'm lisa 00:14:34.520 --> 00:14:38.660 coricella mcdell your midlife pacific northwest princess here to guide you in 00:14:38.660 --> 00:14:40.309 the art of next leveling your life, 00:14:40.779 --> 00:14:44.680 i'm passionate about women's health and wellness in midlife especially for moms 00:14:44.680 --> 00:14:48.714 parenting kids with unique needs like i do i truly believe we can learn, 00:14:48.912 --> 00:14:52.570 grow, advocate, and care for the planet while taking care of ourselves and our 00:14:52.570 --> 00:14:54.560 families. And I'd love to help you do the same. 00:14:54.752 --> 00:14:58.620 And I'm beyond excited to tell you about my membership from Maxed Out Mamas, 00:14:58.620 --> 00:15:03.040 just like me, the Empowered Parent Collective. It's a space for parents to confidently 00:15:03.040 --> 00:15:06.660 advocate for their kids, build inclusive communities, educate themselves, 00:15:06.660 --> 00:15:08.806 and find balance and support along the way. 00:15:09.160 --> 00:15:12.240 To find out more about the Empowered Parent Collective, my classes, 00:15:12.240 --> 00:15:17.000 wellness offerings, parenting tips, advocacy resources, and exclusive drinks 00:15:17.000 --> 00:15:21.740 with the girl's goodies head to next level life with lisa.com let's survive 00:15:21.740 --> 00:15:22.950 and thrive in the messy middle. 00:15:22.950 --> 00:15:26.890 Together i've actually learned you know i mean boundaries is just for me it's 00:15:26.890 --> 00:15:32.090 always something that is just i'm always learning and i've really learned a 00:15:32.090 --> 00:15:34.263 lot this past i would say six months 00:15:34.935 --> 00:15:40.460 you know about how i i don't do a good job with certain people like it's it's 00:15:40.470 --> 00:15:45.379 interesting because certain people you know i can have boundaries with easy peasy and 00:15:46.522 --> 00:15:48.247 Other people, it's just. 00:15:48.549 --> 00:15:52.082 And it's a, it's a theme. It's the same type of person. Oh, is it? 00:15:52.082 --> 00:15:52.555 Okay. 00:15:52.769 --> 00:15:56.442 Yeah. So that's, you know, those are things that I have to look at for myself 00:15:56.442 --> 00:16:00.642 and be like, well, why do I have such a hard time setting a boundary with this 00:16:00.642 --> 00:16:04.270 type of person? You know? And I just, I think we're always figuring it out. Yeah. 00:16:04.664 --> 00:16:09.489 This is in no particular order. This isn't like, oh, and then on the fourth 00:16:09.662 --> 00:16:11.912 year of our lives after 27 we learned. 00:16:11.912 --> 00:16:12.827 This like 00:16:13.128 --> 00:16:14.672 Or yeah yeah. 00:16:14.672 --> 00:16:17.732 No it's not the fourth most important one either yeah yeah there's 00:16:17.732 --> 00:16:19.252 There's no ranking it's just. 00:16:19.252 --> 00:16:23.772 Random just the brain dump yeah yeah but that you know being nice and being 00:16:23.772 --> 00:16:25.502 kind are not the same thing 00:16:25.822 --> 00:16:26.907 That's such a good one. 00:16:27.573 --> 00:16:31.702 And this didn't make sense to me for a while like when i was younger i i i'm 00:16:31.702 --> 00:16:36.686 like what i think i remember oprah talking about it like gosh i don't know 20 years ago or something 00:16:37.655 --> 00:16:44.502 and i'm like what but man Now I understand that. Yeah. It's like, I don't care if I'm nice. 00:16:44.882 --> 00:16:48.598 I don't need to be nice. I don't owe anybody nice. I do owe kind. 00:16:48.760 --> 00:16:51.488 Like I'm, I'm here to be kind, but. 00:16:52.069 --> 00:16:57.518 And giving respect when respect is given to you. But other than that. Yeah. Yeah. 00:16:57.820 --> 00:16:59.724 But I, it's hard when you're a people pleaser. 00:16:59.916 --> 00:17:00.247 Yeah. 00:17:01.309 --> 00:17:05.033 And you avoid conflict above all else. 00:17:05.033 --> 00:17:09.013 Like, conflict is the worst thing possible for me growing up. 00:17:09.013 --> 00:17:13.003 So you're

not going to worry. You're going to try to be nice. 00:17:13.003 --> 00:17:18.953 And you're going to try, you know, to care about being nice to people that might not even deserve. 00:17:18.953 --> 00:17:24.702 Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I agree. I was a people pleaser, too. And I feel like I've gone the opposite way. 00:17:25.143 --> 00:17:29.523 Like, I feel like I'm just so intolerant now, you know. And maybe I'm like a 00:17:29.523 --> 00:17:31.754 little further than I should be. 00:17:32.102 --> 00:17:35.910 So like in certain situations like work, for example, I've had to just like, 00:17:36.709 --> 00:17:43.588 like just not care as much because it drives me nuts just to function, you know. 00:17:43.930 --> 00:17:46.867 But I do think kindness, respect, that kind of thing. 00:17:47.917 --> 00:17:51.308 That's just like basic human decency to people kind of a thing. 00:17:52.213 --> 00:17:57.342 We've been looking for a new couch. So for months, we've been trying to find 00:17:57.342 --> 00:18:00.872 a new couch. And it's like buying a new car, buying furniture. 00:18:00.872 --> 00:18:04.171 It really is. Because, you know, nothing is, it's all BS. 00:18:04.334 --> 00:18:06.552 Like, they can manipulate the prices. 00:18:07.213 --> 00:18:11.219 It's not, you know, it is what it is, but it is no. It's all in flux. 00:18:11.637 --> 00:18:17.582 And so we were there over the weekend re-looking at ones we've already seen. 00:18:17.582 --> 00:18:22.192 And the salespeople were trying to be like, oh, well, you know, 00:18:22.192 --> 00:18:24.712 you have to get it today because it's, you know, blah, blah, 00:18:24.712 --> 00:18:26.847 blah. And I'm like, no, that's not true. 00:18:27.591 --> 00:18:30.912 We know that's not true because we were here literally in July and you had this. 00:18:30.912 --> 00:18:33.721 It was the same, same thing, same prices, same everything. 00:18:34.057 --> 00:18:36.182 And then we had another one at another store and she's like, 00:18:36.182 --> 00:18:38.782 oh, well, you know, what's too expensive? And we're like, well, 00:18:38.782 --> 00:18:41.682 the delivery fee. Oh, well, we can work on that. I'm like, well, 00:18:41.682 --> 00:18:45.782 why don't you work on that in the beginning then? And so my tolerance for bullshit 00:18:45.782 --> 00:18:47.293 is just so small these days. 00:18:47.444 --> 00:18:52.252 And I wasn't being unkind, but I was saying, I don't need to hear about all 00:18:52.252 --> 00:18:55.582 that. I just need to hear, I don't need any excuses. I just need to hear what 00:18:55.582 --> 00:18:57.881 is the price and then I'm going to make a decision of what I want. 00:18:58.912 --> 00:19:05.692 And see, yeah, unfortunately, people that are good at sales understand that 00:19:05.692 --> 00:19:11.807 there's a basic respect and there's a way to do it, right, that is respectful to people. 00:19:12.301 --> 00:19:20.619 but people in retail it's like they're taught this very limited vocabulary i guess yeah i would say. 00:19:21.055 --> 00:19:26.012 And i always get the sense they're extremely desperate yeah yeah because i mean on commission 00:19:26.686 --> 00:19:30.832 Probably probably be minimum wage plus commission but yeah there there's a great 00:19:30.832 --> 00:19:36.142 divide between like your basic salesperson in the mall and someone to be fair 00:19:36.142 --> 00:19:39.004 honest like me that does it for a living Like, 00:19:39.759 --> 00:19:43.445 there's a whole nuance and, yeah, so. 00:19:43.764 --> 00:19:50.442 The grand negotiation that starts after your 20s between you and your body and 00:19:50.442 --> 00:19:54.199 that kind of lifetime dance, shall we say. 00:19:55.081 --> 00:19:58.253 I was reminded of this on Monday. I had a, what's it called? 00:19:58.253 --> 00:20:00.422 Appointment with my doctor. 00:20:01.541 --> 00:20:03.663 And I've been having these back problems and he's asking me, 00:20:03.663 --> 00:20:05.963 well, are you taking any anti-inflammatories? I'm like, why? 00:20:06.363 --> 00:20:08.493 Why would I do that? Just send me to the chiropractor or let's, 00:20:08.493 --> 00:20:11.346 you know, send me somewhere so I can figure this out. 00:20:11.891 --> 00:20:16.071 And he literally looks at me and he said, you are not in your 30s. 00:20:17.958 --> 00:20:22.538 He said, you need, you could have arthritis in your back. 00:20:22.538 --> 00:20:27.898 Yeah. That's what my husband has. What? Yeah. I was like, no. 00:20:30.622 --> 00:20:35.875 But my dad had that. So I'm like, oh my God, I'm at, we're at that, we're there. 00:20:36.026 --> 00:20:39.945 I'm almost 60 and we're there. And it's like this. 00:20:40.386 --> 00:20:40.717 Yeah. 00:20:41.024 --> 00:20:42.818 So your body is going to tell you. 00:20:42.818 --> 00:20:46.218 Just so I understand the paradigm we're dealing with here. So this whole time 00:20:46.218 --> 00:20:49.688 when your back has been hurting you, basically, you've been like, 00:20:49.688 --> 00:20:54.324 I just need to go to a doctor so he can refer me to a chiropractor and then it'll be gone. 00:20:55.018 --> 00:20:58.120 This is the operating system. Is that what I'm understanding, my friend? 00:20:58.712 --> 00:21:04.047 Back it up. So he referred me last year because I've literally had this for one year. 00:21:04.244 --> 00:21:05.178 Yeah, I know. 00:21:05.538 --> 00:21:09.829 This tells you how I feel about doctors and medic taking prescribed medication. 00:21:10.502 --> 00:21:14.418 So, yeah. So he prescribed me to go to or not prescribe me. he said, 00:21:14.418 --> 00:21:17.658 here, go to this chiropractor. Or he even just, he just flippantly gave me a 00:21:17.658 --> 00:21:19.753 name. It wasn't like he really took me too seriously. 00:21:20.392 --> 00:21:23.515 So here I am a year later and I'm like, look, my back is still bothering me, 00:21:24.207 --> 00:21:27.808 but it doesn't bother me enough to take me out of the game. It's just like annoying. 00:21:27.808 -->

00:21:29.525 And then as the day goes on, it gets more annoying. 00:21:29.734 --> 00:21:32.658 So I was like, just tell me what we need to do. And then that's when I got the 00:21:32.658 --> 00:21:35.190 lecture about taking the anti-inflammatory. 00:21:35.869 --> 00:21:39.078 Yeah. Okay. We're going to take some x-rays and whatnot. So yeah, 00:21:39.078 --> 00:21:42.168 I mean, And I'm admitting I'm not a good patient. 00:21:42.354 --> 00:21:42.592 I'm not. 00:21:42.905 --> 00:21:46.533 I'm picturing you. I have to be, though, because now we're getting older. 00:21:46.858 --> 00:21:49.860 I have to be a good patient now. It's like we have too much at risk. 00:21:49.993 --> 00:21:51.044 Yeah. I have too much at risk. 00:21:51.334 --> 00:21:56.458 Yeah. I really, not to go down too far of a rabbit hole, but I really enjoy 00:21:56.458 --> 00:22:00.483 my holistic integrated doctor because all these specialties kind of. 00:22:01.480 --> 00:22:06.594 He just has it all under one roof and it just makes it so much easier. 00:22:06.594 --> 00:22:09.824 But yeah, no, I mean, I've done that. I've done things where I'm like, 00:22:09.824 --> 00:22:11.366 well, what's the problem? I don't get it. 00:22:11.685 --> 00:22:15.185 Right. And I'm constantly like, if something's sore, I'm always like, 00:22:15.980 --> 00:22:17.334 is that the beginning of the end? 00:22:17.334 --> 00:22:20.241 Like, I really, you know what I mean? Like, I'm just like, no, 00:22:20.375 --> 00:22:23.451 no, I will be more flexible. I will this. I will that. You know, 00:22:23.695 --> 00:22:27.730 some of it, I mean, I'm making fun of you, but I do the same damn thing. 00:22:27.968 --> 00:22:31.574 It's OK. Go ahead and make fun of me. I think the other thing, 00:22:31.574 --> 00:22:36.953 too, is that I never realized how important sleep was. 00:22:37.336 --> 00:22:40.624 And, you know, honestly, it wasn't, not that it wasn't important, 00:22:40.624 --> 00:22:44.557 but it's not as important as it is now. Like, sleep is everything now. 00:22:45.221 --> 00:22:52.373 And I will faithfully take my progesterone and my magnesium so I can sleep at night. 00:22:52.715 --> 00:22:57.524 And I will tell you that this doctor I've been going to, that's the dental sleep 00:22:57.524 --> 00:23:01.983 specialist that we're going to have, Your mind will be so freaking blown. 00:23:02.569 --> 00:23:04.144 It's, yeah. 00:23:05.184 --> 00:23:08.144 Somebody made that title up. Like a dental sleep specialist? 00:23:08.624 --> 00:23:13.304 Right. And I was like, whatever. I'm telling you, after this episode, 00:23:13.304 --> 00:23:15.096 you're going to be like, give me some of that. 00:23:15.769 --> 00:23:16.664 I'm very excited. 00:23:16.664 --> 00:23:20.674 Yes. I'm going to keep my powder dry on that one. Because, yeah, 00:23:20.674 --> 00:23:23.274 I'm excited about this guest for many, many, many reasons. Okay. 00:23:24.356 --> 00:23:32.574 Unfortunately, to my daughter's great dismay, I could give a flying fork about being cool. 00:23:32.951 --> 00:23:37.340 You know, the other thing also that I didn't realize 20 years ago when we would 00:23:37.340 --> 00:23:41.360 get to this stage in life is that alcohol just affects you differently. 00:23:41.360 --> 00:23:42.140 Yeah, it does. 00:23:42.140 --> 00:23:46.779 Like even just one glass of wine, you can tell, you know, Jack's my sleep up. 00:23:47.266 --> 00:23:50.610 I just don't feel right in the morning. Although, I mean, it doesn't keep me 00:23:50.610 --> 00:23:53.080 from having cocktails on drinks with the girls. 00:23:53.080 --> 00:23:54.029 Just say it. 00:23:54.517 --> 00:23:55.829 It's certainly annoying. 00:23:56.363 --> 00:24:02.500 So we are leaving for a trip we've been looking forward to a long time to Spain 00:24:02.500 --> 00:24:05.363 and France and Italy in two and a half days. 00:24:05.740 --> 00:24:10.490 And I, in the last few months, have started getting a sensitivity to, 00:24:11.070 --> 00:24:13.407 wait for it, Spanish wines. 00:24:13.698 --> 00:24:18.930 I'm so pissed. Like the Tempranillos, the Malbecs. 00:24:18.930 --> 00:24:22.240 And they're like, I love those wines. And it's because the tannins are really, 00:24:22.240 --> 00:24:25.440 they just mess with my stomach. I'm like, God damn it. Like, 00:24:25.440 --> 00:24:29.587 couldn't we just have done that body after I went to Spain? 00:24:30.057 --> 00:24:36.464 And I have to be extremely careful to not drink any kind of wine on an empty stomach. 00:24:37.339 --> 00:24:40.728 Like that episode a few ones ago where I was like munching on the crackers, 00:24:41.117 --> 00:24:44.350 right? Because I had alcohol. And I'm like, if I don't have something on my 00:24:44.350 --> 00:24:48.380 stomach, I'm going to be doubled over in massive amounts of pain. 00:24:48.380 --> 00:24:49.629 So yeah, that part sucks. 00:24:49.879 --> 00:24:57.211 I can see a world not very in the distant future when I am going to have to give it up entirely. 00:24:57.803 --> 00:25:03.310 And I sound like a complete alcoholic when I say this, but I will be sad when 00:25:03.310 --> 00:25:05.195 that day comes. Very sad. 00:25:06.171 --> 00:25:10.055 Well, I have a friend who had similar issues, and she says that the New Zealand 00:25:10.055 --> 00:25:12.057 wines are the ones that are 00:25:12.225 --> 00:25:19.569 Safe for her. All right. So Kiwis, not the Spanish. Right. Good to know. Good to know. 00:25:19.847 --> 00:25:25.765 All right. So what about all that time and energy that we spent when we were 00:25:25.765 --> 00:25:28.549 younger worrying about, like, if we were cool? 00:25:29.331 --> 00:25:32.687 Yeah, apparently, according to my teenager, I still need to worry about that. 00:25:33.775 --> 00:25:35.462 Well, she is cool. She would know. 00:25:35.613 --> 00:25:40.455 Right? Like to her utter dismay, I just could give a flying. 00:25:41.232 --> 00:25:44.890 And it's like her definition of cool, right? Like, that's not cool.

00:25:45.110 --> 00:25:48.465 And I have to keep my mouth shut because she's like hurt, right? 00:25:48.465 --> 00:25:52.117 Like, no, no, you don't understand, Mom. And I was like, okay. 00:25:52.924 --> 00:25:57.515 All right. Well, yes, we can agree that I don't know what is cool anymore. 00:25:57.910 --> 00:25:59.210 I know. Isn't that so sad? 00:25:59.466 --> 00:26:04.735 Well, and you know what? I'm sorry, but I am cool. I will put 80s music up any day. 00:26:05.615 --> 00:26:08.925 I will say that she's got some really good taste in music. Both my kids do. 00:26:08.925 --> 00:26:13.587 And they listen to like old school kind of stuff that we used to listen to. So. 00:26:14.480 --> 00:26:18.883 But I don't know. I just I think I'm still cool, but it's somebody's definition 00:26:18.883 --> 00:26:21.664 of cool is as cool does, I guess. 00:26:22.853 --> 00:26:27.973 Well, I think, too, it's been like when I ever I listen to, you know, new music. 00:26:27.973 --> 00:26:32.393 God, I sound like ancient right here. But whenever I listen to like new artists 00:26:32.393 --> 00:26:36.443 or or even like new actresses and actors, like new people in, 00:26:36.443 --> 00:26:40.800 you know, movies and things, it's like I don't know who all the people are these days. 00:26:41.450 --> 00:26:44.983 so it's like I'm not and not that that makes you cool or not but it's like I'm 00:26:44.983 --> 00:26:49.916 just not in the know I'm not on the in the yeah in the mix 00:26:50.119 --> 00:26:55.471 I used to be like I was her girl for trivia and pop culture and like who's dating who like 00:26:55.912 --> 00:27:00.683 I'm on it and now and it's like oh actress blah blah like I was reading something 00:27:00.683 --> 00:27:03.667 actress yada yada yada married so and so and I'm like 00:27:04.026 --> 00:27:08.173 oh that's this person no it wasn't and I'm just like I have no idea who this 00:27:08.173 --> 00:27:13.401 person is you know top actress and model i'm like who the hell is this yeah that makes me feel old. 00:27:14.330 --> 00:27:16.383 I think the fun part is though like you were saying it's 00:27:16.383 --> 00:27:18.753 Like who cares oh yeah i don't i think. 00:27:18.753 --> 00:27:22.833 I think i'm cool so yeah and yeah it's like it's just it doesn't matter i mean 00:27:22.833 --> 00:27:24.893 like look at my hair today you know how dirty my hair 00:27:25.353 --> 00:27:30.933 Oh okay wait as long as okay since we're doing the youtube special here i don't 00:27:30.933 --> 00:27:33.471 know if you can like zoom in on this but 00:27:33.877 --> 00:27:38.273 it is like it looks like somebody like threw a tumbleweed in there and picked 00:27:38.273 --> 00:27:40.713 it up because I was so tired. 00:27:40.713 --> 00:27:44.043 I forgot to dry my hair the other day and I just don't care. 00:27:44.043 --> 00:27:45.754 Like I was like, Oh, should I like, 00:27:46.576 --> 00:27:50.233 you know, wash it again this morning and dry. No, don't care. 00:27:50.378 -->

00:27:53.385 Goes up in a messy bun. Screw that. Next. 00:27:54.064 --> 00:27:56.816 I think the other thing, and I don't know if this is later on our list, 00:27:56.816 --> 00:28:01.446 I can't remember, but it's like, I don't care about not going to events anymore. 00:28:02.006 --> 00:28:02.716 Oh, I know. 00:28:02.716 --> 00:28:06.288 I used to be the party queen. I mean, I would host a bunch of parties and then, 00:28:06.759 --> 00:28:09.776 and also proximity helps. Like I lived in a town where, you know, 00:28:09.776 --> 00:28:11.666 everything was literally less than five minutes away. Yeah. 00:28:12.604 --> 00:28:16.261 Yeah. Now, not so much, but it's like, if I miss a party, I just don't, 00:28:16.523 --> 00:28:21.497 I don't care anymore. Like being home in my comfies with no bronze, it sounds great to me. 00:28:21.927 --> 00:28:25.246 Yeah. Yeah. It's definitely like I was talking with some good friends of ours. 00:28:25.246 --> 00:28:28.576 We went out for my birthday and we're talking about all the things that we wanted 00:28:28.576 --> 00:28:32.236 to do over the winter. Because that's the only that's the one thing about Oregon 00:28:32.236 --> 00:28:37.084 that I hate is it's just like it's really hard to find things to do in the winter when it's cold. 00:28:37.421 --> 00:28:40.956 I am not one of those people that's like outdoors in the pouring rain and cold. 00:28:40.956 --> 00:28:44.679 Like, no, thank you. Snow, sure. But rain, nope. 00:28:45.201 --> 00:28:47.676 So we were talking about all the stuff we wanted to do. And then I'm like, 00:28:47.676 --> 00:28:50.516 you know, we always say this every year, like we're going to do this and that 00:28:50.516 --> 00:28:51.766 and every year we don't do it. 00:28:52.146 --> 00:28:56.259 And they're like, because it's cold. I'm like, I know. So I don't know. Haven't solved that. 00:28:56.555 --> 00:29:01.126 Good luck. Yeah. My name is Karen Shatafian, and I am a shameless coffee addict, 00:29:01.126 --> 00:29:04.786 an empowerment coach for women, and my love language is authenticity. 00:29:05.135 --> 00:29:09.471 My mission is helping women unapologetically design a life they're in love with. 00:29:09.802 --> 00:29:13.226 Because what the hell are we waiting for? My website, KarenShatafian.com, 00:29:13.226 --> 00:29:17.441 has all my coaching packages and free offers like my midlife reclamation guide. 00:29:17.731 --> 00:29:21.436 In it, you'll find tools to help you decide how to create the most inspired 00:29:21.436 --> 00:29:24.105 and empowered version of yourself and your life. 00:29:24.587 --> 00:29:28.326 You can find me on Facebook and Instagram talking about ways women can show 00:29:28.326 --> 00:29:31.600 up for themselves after decades of showing up for everyone else. 00:29:32.110 --> 00:29:35.826 Join me as we throw off the shackles and live our best freaking lives. 00:29:36.180 --> 00:29:37.991 See the show notes for all the details. 00:29:38.159 --> 00:29:43.639 Cheers! The best relationships require the hardest conversations. 00:29:44.278 --> 00:29:47.807 Yeah, I guess just press play doesn't quite work anymore. 00:29:48.691 --> 00:29:53.241 And I think understanding that maybe not necessarily the best relationships, 00:29:53.241 --> 00:29:58.231 but creating the best relationships takes the hard conversations. 00:29:58.231 --> 00:30:02.551 Because you can have a relationship that is surface level for your whole life, 00:30:03.021 --> 00:30:06.711 right? But is that really, like, I don't know, for me, that might have been 00:30:06.711 --> 00:30:10.921 fine 30 years ago, but not so much anymore. Like, I don't want the surface level. 00:30:10.921 --> 00:30:14.851 And I think it's like the hard changes, right? Like when I was 27, 00:30:14.851 --> 00:30:17.957 I thought, oh, well, you know, you want to work hard in a relationship. 00:30:18.375 --> 00:30:21.063 Turns out I was just dating assholes. 00:30:21.782 --> 00:30:26.591 So like eject. Right. Like I look back and I'm like, girl, what, 00:30:26.951 --> 00:30:30.121 what were you thinking? And it was this whole, well, it's hard work. 00:30:30.121 --> 00:30:32.557 And it's like, no, no, no, no, no, not that kind of hard. 00:30:32.963 --> 00:30:37.491 You know, hard where you're really going deep with someone and you're really 00:30:37.851 --> 00:30:43.021 having, you know, intense conversations and you have to just stick with it, 00:30:43.021 --> 00:30:44.196 that kind of thing, you know? 00:30:44.890 --> 00:30:49.922 Yeah. I think accountability is a big deal also in terms of all those. 00:30:50.160 --> 00:30:53.901 For sure. And I feel like I'm mostly good at being accountable. 00:30:53.901 --> 00:30:58.691 Like, I feel like I'm good at owning my shit and then, you know, being accountable. 00:30:58.691 --> 00:31:02.581 But, you know, like I said, in that boundaries conversation we had a little 00:31:02.581 --> 00:31:06.061 while ago, I'm finding some things out about myself that it's like, 00:31:06.061 --> 00:31:10.697 oh, wow, maybe I'm not as good in these areas as I thought I was. 00:31:11.295 --> 00:31:14.743 But I think accountability goes a long way when it comes to, 00:31:15.150 --> 00:31:20.231 you know, making and forming the best relationships possible. 00:31:20.231 --> 00:31:23.961 Well, and I keep like throwing my dad under the bus, but he's just such a good 00:31:23.961 --> 00:31:27.181 example of this, you know, because I was like, I mean, I'm telling you, 00:31:27.181 --> 00:31:33.591 last night I was like, oh, my God, this was sneaky as F, you know. 00:31:33.971 --> 00:31:36.981 And once I realized it, I mean, like, it's good that I realized it, 00:31:36.981 --> 00:31:40.889 but I was just like, dang, no wonder this has been so hard for me. 00:31:41.411 --> 00:31:43.948 Right. Like it just snuck right in again. 00:31:45.716 --> 00:31:53.456 So I think that it is so hard to just resist the pull of the comfortable status quo. 00:31:54.202

--> 00:31:59.966 Yeah, and the patterns that we've been operating in for decades. 00:32:00.088 --> 00:32:00.396 Yeah. 00:32:00.640 --> 00:32:03.836 Yeah. So deciding to break those is really hard because, you know, 00:32:03.836 --> 00:32:07.786 like you said earlier, like the people that you're setting boundaries with, 00:32:08.244 --> 00:32:10.026 like they're not changing. Nope. 00:32:10.636 --> 00:32:14.586 And so they're going to keep doing the same things. And so it's up to us to 00:32:14.586 --> 00:32:18.113 really have to be the ones that change that. And it's not always easy. 00:32:18.252 --> 00:32:22.798 No, no, no, no. Case in point. All right. What else? What you got? 00:32:24.232 --> 00:32:28.481 That peace, I think at this stage in life, I just feel like, 00:32:28.748 --> 00:32:32.644 oh my, I would rather have peace than anything. Like, you know, 00:32:32.644 --> 00:32:34.924 just save the drama. I don't want the drama. 00:32:35.406 --> 00:32:38.554 Just give me the peace. Drama is exhausting. It is exhausting. 00:32:38.554 --> 00:32:42.819 You know, I think sometimes we get used to functioning in chaos. 00:32:44.008 --> 00:32:47.304 But man, these days I protect my peace like crazy. 00:32:47.304 --> 00:32:50.854 Yeah, it really. I don't know. 00:32:50.854 --> 00:32:56.724 I go back and forth about the whole pandemic isolation thing because don't get 00:32:56.724 --> 00:33:00.444 me wrong. I don't think it was great we had the pandemic, but I just feel like 00:33:00.444 --> 00:33:02.886 a lot of us just forgot how to relate to other people. 00:33:03.258 --> 00:33:08.994 So I have a hard time separating what is just me getting older and not wanting 00:33:08.994 --> 00:33:14.194 to be there for it and what is, well, I didn't, like, interact with people for 00:33:14.194 --> 00:33:16.580 two years. I don't know. For two years? 00:33:17.384 --> 00:33:19.784 Well, but you know what I'm saying? Like, in person, really, 00:33:19.784 --> 00:33:21.644 like, for significant amounts of time. 00:33:21.644 --> 00:33:25.734 Like, yes, we did over freaking Zoom and everything else. But in terms of belly 00:33:25.734 --> 00:33:31.824 to belly, like conversations, I mean, look, even if you call it 18 months, 00:33:31.824 --> 00:33:34.374 that's still still a lot, you know. 00:33:34.814 --> 00:33:38.454 And I think people just between that and social media and all the other stuff, 00:33:38.454 --> 00:33:42.294 I think people just forgot how to listen to each other, myself included. 00:33:42.294 --> 00:33:47.844 So, yeah, I feel like during the pandemic, like in the beginning, I mean, certainly. 00:33:47.844 --> 00:33:52.444 Yeah. And then as time went on, we we cheated like we would be we would take 00:33:52.444 --> 00:33:55.444 our lawn chairs to our neighbors. And we'd all, you know, of course, 00:33:55.444 --> 00:33:57.805 you did the six feet distancing and all that stuff. 00:33:58.380 --> 00:34:03.374 But it's like I, yeah, that was it was a challenge to not, like you say, 00:34:03.374 --> 00:34:05.188 be belly to belly with people face to face. 00:34:05.485 --> 00:34:10.074 Yeah. Yeah. We did that, too. We would do like barbecues across the street with 00:34:10.074 --> 00:34:13.656 my neighbors. We did it. Actually, it was really fun. Our neighborhood one time 00:34:14.050 --> 00:34:16.495 did a social distancing barbecue. Yeah. 00:34:17.493 --> 00:34:21.342 And we just decided all over the neighborhood, everybody was going to barbecue at the same time. 00:34:21.905 --> 00:34:25.902 And you could just like drive by and wave at people or just stop and say hello 00:34:25.902 --> 00:34:29.512 or whatever. And it was it was good. There was a few people like cruised around, 00:34:29.512 --> 00:34:32.602 but it was kind of neat to do that. And it felt like, oh, OK, 00:34:32.602 --> 00:34:34.412 there's some normalcy there, you know? 00:34:34.412 --> 00:34:39.382 Yeah, that reminds me. So when at the time I lived in Seal Beach and they would 00:34:39.382 --> 00:34:43.552 always have a car show and like, you know, we would just get we would it would 00:34:43.552 --> 00:34:45.425 our town would be packed with people. 00:34:45.825 --> 00:34:49.086 and of course they couldn't do it hold the event so what they did was they did 00:34:49.410 --> 00:34:53.282 we did a drive we did like a parade so you would just get in your car and just 00:34:53.282 --> 00:34:56.556 drive around like a certain route you know throughout town 00:34:57.215 --> 00:35:00.542 and so that that was kind of fun but man isn't that wild to think back on that 00:35:00.542 --> 00:35:02.582 those were wild times it's those are 00:35:02.582 --> 00:35:08.612 Wild yeah it really just yeah i really think that the studies that are going 00:35:08.612 --> 00:35:12.042 to come out of that were just now there's so many things that were affected 00:35:12.042 --> 00:35:16.319 so but anyways we're not here to talk about the pandemic moving on. 00:35:16.621 --> 00:35:19.071 Moving else did we learn after 45 00:35:19.256 --> 00:35:26.437 Okay so the dream life changes and i will i will say also that i think that you end up, 00:35:27.169 --> 00:35:31.262 having different dreams at different times in your life like you've talked about 00:35:31.262 --> 00:35:35.062 this really honestly about how you're kind of going through this with your your 00:35:35.062 --> 00:35:39.201 little hobby farm which was a dream that you manifested and now you're like, 00:35:40.652 --> 00:35:44.225 i don't know is this what i want you know yeah. 00:35:44.953 --> 00:35:48.616 Yeah. And I think I just wrote a sub stack article about this today. 00:35:48.616 --> 00:35:53.196 It's, it's, I think that it takes, you know, we are, we are constantly evolving, 00:35:53.196 --> 00:35:54.885 you know, into different versions of ourselves. 00:35:55.112 --> 00:36:00.446 Sometimes life shows up in the form of like trauma and forces us to take on 00:36:00.446 --> 00:36:01.596

these new identities. Right. 00:36:01.996 --> 00:36:05.716 But yeah, I mean, it's like we, we are constantly growing and changing and our 00:36:05.716 --> 00:36:09.176 dreams are constantly growing and changing. And it's kind of exciting to think 00:36:09.176 --> 00:36:13.006 about because first of all, we're not dead yet. We still have dreams inside of. 00:36:13.006 --> 00:36:17.014 Well, thank God for that. Jesus. Right. Way to set the bar high. 00:36:17.420 --> 00:36:22.246 Seriously, though, I think people think, oh, well, you're almost 60 now. 00:36:22.246 --> 00:36:25.546 OK. What are you going to do next? You know, sorry. No. But yes, 00:36:25.546 --> 00:36:29.936 there are still things I could do next. Not just, you know, be a grandma or. Yep. 00:36:30.476 --> 00:36:33.636 Yep. Raised chickens. You know, it's like what's next? It's kind of exciting 00:36:33.636 --> 00:36:37.706 to think about because it's it's deliberate. Like what we want to do is deliberate. 00:36:37.706 --> 00:36:42.241 It's up to us. We could stay in the status quo or we could, you know, 00:36:42.885 --> 00:36:44.134 create a different dream. 00:36:44.482 --> 00:36:49.136 I think you follow her on Instagram and, you know, we would love to say she's a friend of the podcast. 00:36:49.136 --> 00:36:54.326 Call us Brooke, but that's a dream. At any rate, but she's done this whole thing 00:36:54.326 --> 00:36:57.756 this year because I think it was this year that she turned 60 where she was 00:36:57.756 --> 00:37:00.196 just like, I'm going to go all over the place and do all these things. 00:37:00.196 --> 00:37:02.911 And she's like posting it on Instagram. So I thought that was kind of fun. 00:37:03.558 --> 00:37:07.491 That is fun. I don't think I do follow. I must follow her. But, 00:37:07.752 --> 00:37:10.127 yeah, I don't recall having her in my algorithm. 00:37:10.579 --> 00:37:13.596 I was thinking because Tony and I will turn 60 in the same year. 00:37:14.863 --> 00:37:19.776 He's 58 right now. I will be turning 58. So when we turn 60 in a couple of years, 00:37:19.776 --> 00:37:23.406 I was thinking something similar. Like how fun that would be instead of doing 00:37:23.406 --> 00:37:26.665 like one big trip, you know, just like every month do something, 00:37:26.816 --> 00:37:28.216 you know, just super, super fun. 00:37:28.970 --> 00:37:30.589 I like it. I don't know. We'll see. TBD. 00:37:31.152 --> 00:37:31.696 I like it. 00:37:32.336 --> 00:37:34.321 I think something that we learn as we get older is... 00:37:35.001 --> 00:37:38.234 Is that we don't have to worry about the shoulds anymore. 00:37:38.716 --> 00:37:41.018 You know, it's not like, well, what should I do? Or, you know, 00:37:41.018 --> 00:37:44.608 what do people expect me to do? Or, you know, what am I supposed to do? 00:37:45.171 --> 00:37:47.232 You know, we get after 40. 00:37:47.821 --> 00:37:52.140 It's like, I don't care. What do I want to do? What feels good? That's what I'm doing. 00:37:52.482 --> 00:37:55.708 And I think there's grief in that, too. Like, for me, it was just like, 00:37:55.708 --> 00:38:01.638 oh, well, I thought if I did all the shoulds, that I'd be happy or things would be good. Right. 00:38:01.878 --> 00:38:07.048 And I think that's kind of the beginning of not giving two forks anymore is 00:38:07.048 --> 00:38:08.258 you're like, wait a minute. 00:38:08.258 --> 00:38:12.948 We've talked about this before on the podcast. Like I did all these things that 00:38:12.948 --> 00:38:16.188 did not add up to what it was supposed to add up. 00:38:16.188 --> 00:38:21.658 And so I think it hastens the whole not give a forkness about this time in life 00:38:21.658 --> 00:38:23.560 because you're like, well, what did that get me? 00:38:23.995 --> 00:38:31.543 you know? And so I think should becomes a much different type of scenario, i.e. 00:38:32.140 --> 00:38:33.754 you should be kind to people. 00:38:34.652 --> 00:38:37.984 I still believe that. You should be kind to people, right? Now, 00:38:38.111 --> 00:38:41.908 if someone's an asshole to you, that doesn't mean that you should be kind to them. 00:38:42.239 --> 00:38:48.589 But in general, I like to think that I lead with kindness and respect first, right? 00:38:49.380 --> 00:38:57.864 But on the other hand, I should, I'm trying to think of another example of the not should. 00:38:58.887 --> 00:39:02.971 Like, like, this is such a random example. But like, you remember when we were 00:39:02.971 --> 00:39:07.061 talking on the Our Favorite Things episode, we were talking about finding a 00:39:07.061 --> 00:39:10.889 blouse or a shirt or top that we loved. And then like, I'll take 10 of that. 00:39:11.406 --> 00:39:15.591 Right. And then I'm good to go. Like, you know, 27 year old me would have been 00:39:15.591 --> 00:39:19.040 like, Jesus Christ, everybody's going to know you're wearing the same shirt. 00:39:19.202 --> 00:39:23.681 58 year old me is like, yes, it's all lined up. I can grab it. 00:39:23.681 --> 00:39:25.006 Different color today. Woo. 00:39:25.209 --> 00:39:27.264 Done. Sorted. Plant. 00:39:27.850 --> 00:39:34.178 Like that's. That's awesome. So I think you re-evaluate the things that really 00:39:34.340 --> 00:39:36.691 should be shoulds versus all 00:39:36.691 --> 00:39:41.171 that stuff that you thought you should be doing, if that makes any sense. 00:39:41.171 --> 00:39:45.321 Or that society tells us should be shoulds. Because what I was thinking of is 00:39:45.321 --> 00:39:51.604 like, oh, you should wear a one-piece bathing suit after a certain age. You know? Fuck that. 00:39:51.802 --> 00:39:55.056 Nope. I got a cute one. I'm taking a vacation with me. 00:39:55.230 --> 00:39:59.941 Nice. All right, listeners. Well, we could probably keep this conversation going 00:39:59.941 --> 00:40:05.366 for another two hours because there are definitely lots more things that we have learned after 40. 00:40:05.569 --> 00:40:10.811 Because once you

start talking about all this, you realize you've really barely scratched the surface. 00:40:11.113 --> 00:40:15.431 Yes. And this is kind of a spoiler alert, but we're going to keep the conversation 00:40:15.431 --> 00:40:17.992 going. Psych! On Patreon. 00:40:18.645 --> 00:40:22.871 What is Patreon, you say? Patreon is Drinks with the Girls 2.0. 00:40:22.871 --> 00:40:28.421 So Drinks with the Girls After Hours is our membership on Patreon. 00:40:28.421 --> 00:40:32.761 What is that you say? Well, our Patreon is when the real talk happens, 00:40:32.761 --> 00:40:40.837 all those things that we should have said that we just have no forks about anymore. And so we say them. 00:40:41.463 --> 00:40:45.343 And it is available to all listeners. It is, 00:40:46.228 --> 00:40:51.385 Less than the cost of a bougie cocktail per month. We're talking $9.97, 00:40:51.385 --> 00:40:52.857 y'all, per month. That's it. 00:40:53.217 --> 00:40:57.555 And with all that, you get the bonus episode. You get it drops a day earlier 00:40:57.555 --> 00:41:01.939 than everybody on the public gets it. That's where all our new stuff is going to be announced first. 00:41:02.050 --> 00:41:06.935 And you also support us to keep bringing this content that we always work so 00:41:06.935 --> 00:41:10.067 hard every week to bring to you. So it's a win-win. 00:41:10.287 --> 00:41:14.055 I just want to add that this is how we are able to keep it ad-free. 00:41:14.217 --> 00:41:16.565 like do you ever listen to podcasts and like every such 00:41:16.565 --> 00:41:17.136 A good point. 00:41:17.479 --> 00:41:20.795 You just are getting into it and then they're breaking for another break to 00:41:21.195 --> 00:41:24.467 to you know hawk the latest mattress 00:41:25.001 --> 00:41:30.525 so yeah so that that's how we are able to keep this podcast pure just us and 00:41:30.525 --> 00:41:34.035 and our guests when they're here and and just to keep the ads out of it for 00:41:34.335 --> 00:41:38.115 For now such a good point i completely forgot about that yeah and that i mean 00:41:38.115 --> 00:41:41.505 we could have done ads we that was one of the ways we could have gone and we 00:41:41.505 --> 00:41:43.551 decided nope this is the way we're going to do it. So, 00:41:44.826 --> 00:41:49.019 All right. If you are not able to join us on Patreon, though, we get it. 00:41:49.339 --> 00:41:54.069 We will see you here next week on Drinks with the Girls. See ya. 00:41:54.190 --> 00:41:57.749 Well, we've reached the part of the conversation where we probably should stop talking. 00:41:57.749 --> 00:41:58.619 But we never do. 00:41:59.059 --> 00:42:02.889 We really don't. But hold up. You're probably wondering where the rest of this episode went. 00:42:02.889 --> 00:42:06.569 I got you. This is why we have one brain. We've launched Drinks with the Girls 00:42:06.569 --> 00:42:08.824 2.0, and it's over on Patreon. 00:42:09.120 --> 00:42:13.277 We've realized some of our best conversations happen after we've officially wrapped things up. 00:42:13.486 --> 00:42:17.029 This is where you'll get the end of the conversation, plus early access to all 00:42:17.029 --> 00:42:19.231 the episodes so you never miss Last Call. 00:42:19.690 --> 00:42:23.509 You'll get the stories we probably shouldn't share, the things we weren't planning 00:42:23.509 --> 00:42:27.629 to say, the random rabbit holes that somehow become the best part of the conversation. 00:42:27.629 --> 00:42:30.559 Basically, all the stuff that happens when the microphones are still on, 00:42:30.559 --> 00:42:33.549 but we're no longer behaving ourselves like that ever happens. 00:42:33.549 --> 00:42:37.069 And best of all, you'll get in on the ground floor of the rocket ship that is 00:42:37.069 --> 00:42:38.749 Drinks with the Girls 2.0. 00:42:38.749 --> 00:42:41.709 We've been teasing this for a while now, and it's finally here. 00:42:41.709 --> 00:42:46.039 you'll get to own your very own slice of drinks with the girls 2.0 and help 00:42:46.039 --> 00:42:47.629 us launch this sucker into the 00:42:47.629 --> 00:42:51.309 Stratosphere so if you'd like to pull up a seat for one more round or join us 00:42:51.309 --> 00:42:54.749 for a coffee date come join us on patreon the link is in the show notes we'd. 00:42:54.749 --> 00:42:56.442 Love to have you and we're saving you a seat 00:42:57.272 --> 00:42:59.902 Wait why are you still here head over to patreon and.